By: Luke Florence
Life gives and life takes away. It does not do anything else. Sure, life can be full of both joyous occasions and painful moments, but it all comes back to a simple give and take.
We take things for granted on a daily basis. It can be simple things such as our car starting in the morning or our televisions turning on in the evening. Likewise, very complex things can also be taken for granted. Our family and friends being there for us. Our spouse or girlfriend waking up beside us. It can happen to all of us. And last week, it happened to me. I never saw it coming.
Being 24 and divorced is almost unthinkable. But just like being 15 and pregnant, it can happen. It does ... it is. Sure, I wasn't married, but I certainly was in that frame of mind. Living with someone in a one-bedroom apartment has plenty of advantages, but when it falls apart, it can also be a nightmare. Even if you have a nice couch, no one wants to spend every night sleeping on it. No one wants to come home to see the person they just broke up with either. They want space and they want time alone. Two things that are hard to find in a one-bedroom apartment.
But yet for me (the person who got dumped), I still want her in my life. I still want to talk to her. I still want to see her smile, and maybe on occasion, be the reason she smiled. Someone on the outside might say that I need to let go, and they may be right. However, I have made peace with the relationship ending, but I don't know if I will ever make peace with our friendship ending. She was my best friend. She cared about me. She spent 15 months of her life with me, everyday. To have that just stop ... it is tough, painful, and any other negative adjective you can think of.
Today on my drive home from work the song "Breakeven," by The Script came on. It's a song that I've heard countless times, but one that resonated with me so much I felt as if The Script were singing about me. "What am I supposed to do, when the best part of me was always you." I couldn't say it any better. She was the best part of my life. She was the reason I wanted to get home so fast from work. She was my better half. And now that's all gone, and I don't know what to do.
In a way, I do know what I have to do. I need to focus on me. I need to better myself physically, mentally, and spiritually. I need to keep on keeping on. Sure, my best friends and family are far away, but they can be reached with one phone call. Having your heart broken can often make you realize what true unconditional love those people give you. Sometimes when life takes, it gives you something else right back.
The hardest part for me is not the relationship ending, it's not living in the one-bedroom apartment, it's not realizing that my better half gave up on us, and it's not even knowing that she is moving on faster than I am. No, the hardest part for me is not knowing WHERE life will take me. Through fate, luck, or whatever, I found Madison and I found this girl. That doesn't happen all the time. For some, it never happens. I know that.
A big part of me wants to stay here in Madison. I like the city, it's been pretty good to me. I like my job, the people I work with, and the potential it has for promotion. I like all the options a city like Madison has. In the last 15 months I've been a bank teller, sports writer, tennis instructor, clothing packager, and an academic program leader. But, another part of me is leaning towards leaving after the summer is done. Where will I go? Again, that's why it's the hardest part of all this. Two weeks ago, this was a problem I never thought I would have, and yet, here I am.
I will be a teacher, and I will be a coach. Those are the goals. I want to be married and I want to have kids. Those are the dreams. I'm reaching for the stars, but keeping my feet on the ground.
Truth be told, in my 24 years of existence, I've only really had one solid relationship with a girl. This was it. There are several reasons why I am taking this harder than I could have imagined, but that simple fact is one of them. I spent all of high school and a good portion of college looking for a girl, and when I just stopped looking, I finally found her. Today when I wasn't looking, I lost her. There's a lesson hidden in there somewhere, I just don't know what it is.
I do know that this little article was just for me. I had no idea what I was going to write or say ... I simply started typing. It's part of the "moving on" process that will take some time.
All of a sudden, life gave me a great relationship with a girl, and it took it away from me just as quick. Who knows what it will give or take from me tomorrow? I do have hope for tomorrow, and hope is very much a good thing. Maybe the best of things. Or so I've been told.
Until next time, "read it, roll it, hole it."
