By: Luke Florence
“Don’t mistake coincidence for fate.”
John Locke, Mr. Eko and Jack Shephard all said it on LOST. It’s a phrase I’ve always held close. Despite my comings-and-goings with religion, my personal faith has never been broken. There’s never been a moment when I truly did not believe that everything happens for a reason. Sometimes the reason doesn’t show up until later, and sometimes the reason is painful to grasp, but it’s always there. Always.
It’s been three weeks since my girlfriend became my ex-girlfriend. Three weeks since she decided to stop being my partner. Three weeks since she turned my life upside-down.
Not gonna lie, it’s been difficult at times. More difficult than I could have ever imagined. When reality finally set in a couple days afterward, I balled my eyes out … almost uncontrollably. Can’t remember the last time that happened. As hard as it was to physically, emotionally and spiritually go through that, it signaled the start of the moving on process.
Moving on can be as simple as taking a single step, or it can be as difficult as mapping out an outline for the rest of your life. I’m attempting to do the latter. But with any outline, you need some sort of an idea as to the direction of your story.
For me it was focusing my attention and energy on myself and making an effort to improve. Working out on a regular basis, eating healthier, and re-connecting with friends and family were on the top of my to-do list. Whenever I’m doing one of those three things it focuses my mind on something not related to you-know-who. It also reminds me how rare and invaluable unconditional love truly is.
So yes, these past three weeks have been difficult at times, but for the most part it actually feels like the beginning of an incredible journey. Destination, TBD. In the meantime, here are some of the amazing things that have happened in the past 21 days.
A) My relationship with my little brother has never been better. We’ve always been on good terms but now we are talking more openly, communicating more effectively, and enjoying our conversations on a deeper level. It might be the #1 thing that comes from this.
B) My group of friends have been incredible. I’ve always known that, but this just reaffirms that notion. There are times when I might not be the best friend, but I always want to be there for them when they are hurting. It warms my heart knowing they return the favor.
C) I couldn’t have a better set of parents. Impossible. They never questioned a single decision I’ve made, but always held out an open hand. They have always been there to love me, listen to me, and to be a shoulder to cry on. I can only hope I become half as good of a parent and role model as they have been for me.
D) Brady Quinn entered my life on a personal level. A couple days ago, Brady was in Columbus for a charity golf outing. Matt Barnes got the chance to interview him, and afterwards, found himself telling my story of lost love. Barnes might have changed some of the events (he crafted a story that involved me getting dumped at the altar on my wedding day), but assured me that parallels could be drawn. Apparently Brady showed actual sorrow and remorse (doesn’t surprise me), and offered to help. So, Barnes pulled out his business card and Brady signed the back of it. He wrote “To Luke,” a short message, and included a bible scripture which hasn’t been revealed to me yet. Three things came from this story. 1) I will always smile and laugh at the mere thought of this. 2) I can not imagine what I have to do to repay Barnes, but it might just involve Gus Johnson. 3) I will forever root for Brady, no matter what. If he leads the Broncos to the AFC Championship game, and they face off against the Browns … Go Broncos.
E) Potential jobs have been presented to me in multiple locations. One is brewing back in Tiffin which has me excited for several different reasons, and another is developing here in Madison. Both are great opportunities, and it will be very interesting to see what direction I choose in the upcoming weeks.
F) My current boss and co-workers are outstanding individuals, whom I am exponentially lucky to have. They offer an escape from my current situation, but have also been there to listen, offer support, and even give advice. They are the main reason I do not dread waking up at 6:30 in the morning for work and the main reason a big part of me wants to stay.
G) Everyone Is Free To Wear Sunscreen. “Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. The real troubles in life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4 pm on some idle Tuesday.” Got dumped on a Tuesday. The day prior, I thought I was with THE one. “Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.” Your heart is your most vulnerable possession. Be careful who you give it to. “Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind. The race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself.” Amen. “Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t.” Will never not smile at this quote. “Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t. Maybe you’ll have children, maybe you won’t. Maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself, either. Your choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s.” Truly, words to live by.
H) Freedom. It’s the stereotypical fallback for all boys who got dumped by their girlfriends. The freedom to do what they want when they want, without any repercussions. This does have some intrigue for me, but I am more excited about the possibilities that are now in front of me. I have the belief I could go anywhere and be okay. I have the freedom to go out on dates, be selective with my future girls, and find what I am really looking for.
I) Knowledge of what I am really looking for. 1) Makes me smile. 2) Laughs with me. 3) Cute. 4) Kind. 5) Physically active outdoors. 6) Understanding of sports, or at the very least, sports is not a negative. 7) Wants to have kids. 8) Supportive. 9) I get along with her family, or at the very least, their family gets along with me. (Shit, at this point, I’ll take a Dad who at least asks “How’s it going?”)
J) Having the true feeling that bigger and better things are on the horizon. I don’t know how else to explain this, but it can be summed up by my favorite movie. “I’m feeling very Olympic today.” Except that it’s every day.
So maybe this break-up needed to happen. Maybe it needed to happen so I would strengthen myself. Maybe it needed to happen so I would become a better brother, a better son, and a better friend. Maybe it needed to happen so I could find someone else. Maybe it needed to happen because God wanted to see my reaction. Maybe it needed to happen so I would become a more inspired writer. Maybe it just needed to happen.
Whatever the reason, I will never mistake it for a mere coincidence.
Fate is too strong for that.
“Whoever yields properly to fate is deemed wise among men, and knows the laws of heaven.” - Euripides.
Until next time, “read it, roll it, hole it.”
