Life Is ... ?

Disclaimer: This post will not talk about the things I typically discuss. It won’t have anything to do with my favorite athletes, or who I think is going to win the Super Bowl. This post will show some of you a different side to me that you may not have experienced. So, if you are happy with what you think I am all about, then stop reading this right now, and my next post will be more of what you are used to.

I’m 21 years old.

That age seemed like an unreachable plateau when I was 11. Legally drink alcohol? Not me, that is for adults, and I seriously doubted at that age if I could ever be an adult. Now that I’m 21, does that make me an “adult?” Personally, I feel adulthood is more of a state of mind than a number.

I’m at a point in my life where my “future” is not some distant dream, it is right before me. When I was 18, just entering college, I could care less about my “future.” I just wanted to have a good time, and for the most part, I did. I wasn’t going to waste time thinking about who I was and what I was all about. I didn’t care. I just wanted to hang with friends and find the beer. That lasted for a solid 2 years. I partied, I drank, I made huge mistakes and just laughed it off by saying “you live, you learn.”

My college life was just about halfway over, and I had never sat down and thought of what I wanted to do with my life. I was majoring in broadcast news, but what did that mean? Did I want to report sports on a local TV station? What about ESPN and SportsCenter? Did I want to do play by play calling of sporting events? Did I want to write about sports? I didn’t know what I wanted because my life was on cruise control. I just floated from day to day, event to event, and party to party. It was easy, it was relaxing, and it didn’t involve any hard work.

I don’t even know what it was that made me change all of this. I can’t pinpoint a certain event or a certain person. It involved a string of events in my life that made me realize I was missing something. I was not passionate about anything in my life. Sure, I love sports, I love Cool Runnings, and I love my friends, but, those were all outside influences. I don’t know how many times I just laid in bed and thought to myself, “why should I wake up today?” That’s a horrible way to start your day, to have no reason to get out of bed. Passion, goals, and a purpose. Those were the three things I was looking for.

To those of you that really know me, you could probably sense a shifting in my demeanor entering my 3rd year of college, both at home and away at school. I don’t have an explanation for this. I guess I was just fed up with the direction my life was taking. I was going nowhere, and I was getting there fast.

So, I took a deep, hard look at myself and asked, “What do I want to do with my life?” Every time I asked that, the answer was always the same. I wanted to help others. I wanted to make a difference in other peoples lives. How do I do that? To this very day I’m not 100% sure. That doesn’t bother me too much, because I had created my own personal mission statement for the rest of my life. “Help others, make a difference.”

Currently I’m doing the education thing, trying to become a teacher. I’m also getting involved in coaching, so I can see how actively I want to pursue that down the line as well.

I now had a purpose, but what were my goals? And, more importantly, in what order would I place them in. I sat down and cranked out a list of personal goals. Each day, no matter what, I read that list, and think of how I can come closer to one of those goals today. It’s a great way to start a day, and an even better way to live it.

My number one goal in life, is to get married and have a family. That is far and away the most important goal of mine. Sure it is a long term goal, but it is the one I most want to accomplish. I want to have a beautiful wife and a big family full of kids. Without those things I fear my life would not be passionate; for with them, everything I do would be for my family. My work, my career, my life, all for them.

I guess part of the reasoning behind that line of thinking is that I’m afraid of spending the majority of my life alone. I think that would be the worst. Why would I be working? For money? For what? I don’t know. I mean, I still want to help others, but at the end of the day, I want to come home to my wife and kids. All the money in the world would not be able to fill the void my life would have if I was single.

The scariest part of that goal is that it relies just as much on someone else as it does on me. It also means I might be single for a long, long time. I’m done with the meaningless relationships. The next girl that I’m in a “relationship” with will know of my goals. I also will know of hers. The marriage and family parts will have to match.

Will this make it difficult for me to find a partner in life? I hope not, in fact, I think it will make things easier. I know exactly what I’m looking for, which leads me to this. What do I look for in a girl?

First of all, as a Catholic, she would have to have similar religious beliefs. For me, going to church with my girl is at the top of the list. Raising our children Catholic is also right at the top.

Secondly, she has to have a sense of humor. She has to make me laugh and smile.

Call me what you will, but I have to be attracted to her visually. AKA … a beautiful girl.

Next, well, as you may or may not know, I tend to be a sarcastic person at times. I‘m well meaning, but some can take this as a negative quality. So, this girl would have to be able to take my shit and dish it back on a regular basis. Meaning, she needs to be quick on her feet, and smart.

She would also need to be physically active. Rather its taking a walk, playing some tennis, or maybe a nice round of golf, I would love for my girl to be there with me.

One big “pet peeve” I have with girls is that sometimes they don’t tell me what they want or feel like doing. Here is my take, when I say that I don’t care, I truly mean that I don’t care. As long as I’m with you, it doesn’t matter what we’re doing. It could be the opera, line dancing practice, or playing guitar hero. As long as she is there with me, that’s all it takes. Now, if she just wants to be with me too and truly doesn’t care, then we’re fine. Personally, I just want to do something that will make her happy. Sue me.

Oh yeah, she needs to like animals, especially dogs.

I think that pretty much sums up my “perfect” girl. Have I found her yet? Well, like I mentioned earlier, that goal of mine relies just as much on someone else as it does on me. So, even if I have, that might not be enough.

I’m a completely different person in certain aspects now than I was 2 years ago. I’m a much more spiritual person than I was back then. I attend church on a regular basis, and spend some time each day in prayer. I’m not afraid to take risks like I was back then. The saying goes, “the greatest risk is not taking one.”

Where do I go from here? Who knows. I’m playing tennis for Heidelberg and that will open some doors for me. I’m assistant coach for the golf team at my old high school, that should do the same. It takes time, patience, and above all, hard work.

It’s not an easy process, every day I struggle with different things, but that’s life. I now know what I want out of my life, and how I want to live it.

“Sometimes you are ahead, sometimes you are behind, the race is long, but in the end, it’s only with yourself.”