The common theme this week is the simple fact that there are a lot of awful NFL teams. We are at the point now in the NFL regular season where teams are beginning to establish themselves as either a contender or a pretender. Entering week six it is safe to say there are four really good teams, three to four just “regular” good teams, and the rest are unpleasant at best. So, instead of talking about some of these awful teams and their match-ups this week I will talk about other things I have on my mind. The main reason I am doing this is for my own personal safety. Seriously, talking about how Vinny Testaverde and Kurt Warner are facing each other this week might make me hurt myself. On we go.
Congratulations to Bart for winning week four in a tiebreaker over Sara. Week five did not render a double-digit winner but Grothaus was able to win nine games to take home the week. Here are the standings after five weeks.
STANDINGS
1) Sara 40-36 (5-9)
2) Luke 39-37 (7-7)
2) Grothaus 39-37 (9-5)
4) Devin 38-38 (8-6)
5) Mr. Normand 37-39 (3-11)
6) Bart 36-40 (8-6)
7) Kevin 35-41 (5-9)
8) Barnes 33-43 (7-7)
Giddy up.
Cincinnati (-3) @ Kansas City
The Cleveland Indians played a five hour marathon last night in Game Two of the ALCS against the Boston Red Sox. It was a game the Indians had to win. Facing the daunting challenge of having to beat Boston in four out of five games to win the series would have been almost impossible. The Indians managed to split the first two games despite having C.C. Sabathia and Fausto Carmona fail to get out of the fifth inning. The series will be determined at Jacobs Field where the next three games are being played. Whoever wins the majority of games in Cleveland should be in full control to represent the American League in the World Series. Pick: Cincinnati
Hunt, who has a full slate of comments to enjoy this week begins with, “I have no comment on this game. My only thing to say is Happy Birthday to Luke, who turned 22 on Thursday. We may only be getting older, but hey, who isn't these days??” Thanks Hunt for the birthday wishes and for giving me some ammunition to use for one of these crappy games. Mr. Normand picks the Bengals but admits he has no faith in Cincy. Devin meanwhile forecasts a big game for Chad Johnson.
CIN: Luke, Devin, Mr. Normand, Barnes, Grothaus
KC: Sara, Bart, Kevin
Houston @ Jacksonville (-6.5)
Hey, an actual decent game! In all actuality this game could be a lot better if Texan WR Andre Johnson would be playing. This is his fourth straight week he will have missed. The Texans are 1-2 so far without his services. As far as Jacksonville goes they are one Vince Young TD drive away from being 4-0. Don’t look now but this AFC South is suddenly the best conference in football. Six and a half points might be too much for Jacksonville, but until Houston gets completely healthy I’ll take my chances with the Jaguars. Pick: Jacksonville
Hunt wants a short scoring contest, “The Jags D is allowing the second-fewest points per game, so I'm basically hoping it's a 9-3 final. Although, Maurice Jones-Drew might account for the entire spread himself.” Devin decides to take matters to a higher power by flipping a coin.
HOU: Devin, Mr. Normand, Bart, Kevin, Grothaus
JAX: Sara, Luke, Barnes
Miami @ Cleveland (-4.5)
Uh oh. The Browns take the field in a game that they should win. They are playing at home AND facing a winless Dolphin team. Everything points to the Dolphins. However, I liked what I saw last week in New England. The Browns turned the ball over three times and still were only down by ten points with under a minute remaining. That is a good sign. Do you think Cam Cameron would like to have that draft pick back? Pick: Cleveland
Sara follows my line of thinking, “If he hasn't done it already, Cam Cameron should be punching himself in the face at this point for not taking Brady Quinn in this year's draft.” Kevin provides what could have been a great tiebreaker question for this week, “Bonus point should be given to person who can correctly pick the over/under on number of times CBS shows Brady Quinn during the broadcast. My guess: 75.” Hunt, I’m taking your number and adding a 0 to the end of it. Devin goes against one of his rules and picks the Browns and hopes for a big win. Mr. Normand chooses to keep it simple, “Cleveland Rocks!” True story.
MIA: Bart, Barnes
CLE: Sara, Luke, Devin, Mr. Normand, Kevin, Grothaus
Minnesota @ Chicago (-5.5)
I’ve said it before, and I’m sure I will say it again. TAVARIS JACKSON ON THE ROAD!! TAVARIS JACKSON ON THE ROAD!! Pick: Chicago
Hunt feels like I do at the beginning of this post and decides to put a name to this battle, “In what I hope will be a continuing trend, I name this game my Boring Game of the Week. The only thing keeping both teams from running on every down is the fact that Minnesota has the top ranked run defense. So Chicago will have to throw every once in awhile, which, with Brian Griese under center, will probably just mean a lot of incompletions.” Devin believes Chicago is going to go on a roll, while Mr. Normand thinks Kelly Holcomb looks bad at Minnesota too.
MIN: Bart
CHI: Sara, Luke, Devin, Mr. Normand, Kevin, Barnes, Grothaus
Philadelphia (-3) @ New York Jets
Yes, Kevin is correct. I did turn 22 this past Thursday. I really don’t think it has sunk in that I am actually 22 years old. I have a hard time believing that I am older than most of the college football players I watch every Saturday afternoon. Not gonna lie, I only feel like a 17 year old kid. Which I guess isn’t a bad thing. I’m currently putting the over/under on the age where I don’t have to show my ID to buy beer at 35. Pick: Philadelphia
Sara comes up with an interesting way to decide the winner, “I can't think of two quarterbacks with more pressure on them than the ones from these two teams. But Chad Pennington doesn't have chunky soup.” She has a point.
KEVIN’S BALLBUSTER PICK OF THE WEEK (0-4): Philadelphia
“Ballbuster Pick of the Week. At this point, I'm following along the lines of my game comments by trying to think up the most ridiculous things I can. I hope it's working.” And what follows is how Kevin came up with this pick.
“5th game listed, whichever team has a #25 on roster -- if both have one, choose the team whose #25 has a shorter last name. Pick: Philly's Reno Mahe over New York's Kerry Rhodes.” Here’s to hoping Hunt can get that first Ballbuster winning pick.
PHI: Sara, Luke, Devin, Mr. Normand, Kevin, Barnes, Grothaus
NYJ: Bart
St. Louis @ Baltimore (-9.5)
My Dad got me a new basketball hoop for my birthday. Putting up the hoop brought back memories of the day when Dad brought home the very first basketball hoop. I was around the age of six or seven and I remember a bunch of the neighborhood kids came over to help. That first hoop has seen it’s share of basketball shots. I would love to compile a list of all the people who took a shot at that first hoop. Great, great memories. Pick: Baltimore
Hunt says, “A close runner up for Boring Game of the Week.” Mr. Normand has a hard time believing that Baltimore can even score ten points.
STL: Sara, Mr. Normand, Bart, Grothaus
BAL: Luke, Devin “whatever”, Kevin, Barnes
Tennessee @ Tampa Bay (-2.5)
If anyone reading this has not watched “The Office” on NBC then you are missing out tremendously. However there is hope for those of you that have missed the first three episodes of season four. Hit up nbc.com and you can watch every episode online. My favorite character so far this season is Kevin. “You have got to be kidding me.” “I knew it.” Seriously, take some time and watch a couple episodes, you will fall in love just like I did. Pick: Tennessee
Hunt comes through with the quote of the week, “In another new addition to my picks, this is the Maxine Hunt pick of the week. I asked her to pick a number between 1 and 13 - she chose 7 which gives her this game. She took Tampa Bay because she knew their mascot right away. But immediately replied, ‘Although I did remember the Titan name later, so i guess that's where the point spread comes into play.’ This idea instantly turned out to be one of the better investments of my time.” Yes, these are my friends.
TEN: Sara, Luke, Devin, Mr. Normand, Bart, Barnes, Grothaus
TB: Kevin
Washington @ Green Bay (-3)
Welcome to the battle for the 2nd best team in the NFC. Seriously, these are the contenders. A 40 year old Brett Favre with absolutely no running game against Jason Campbell and Joe Gibbs. Adding fuel to the proverbial fire is the fact that FOX will be televising this game. Awesome. Pick: Washington
Hunt is making the following a reoccurring theme, “Back the Pack 'cause the Pack is back‘ ... this week after letting me down for the first time this year last week.” Does anyone else remember that Brett Favre poster in Mr. Stover’s class? I remember almost losing it when Nick Lay went up there to sharpen his pencil and made sexual gestures towards Favre’s “bulge.” Hilarious.
Devin believes that Green Bay is starting to go downhill while Mr. Normand loves #4.
WAS: Luke, Devin, Bart
GB: Sara, Mr. Normand, Kevin, Barnes, Grothaus
Carolina @ Arizona (-4)
The only thing worse than a David Carr vs. Kurt Warner game is one where you take out David Carr and replace him with Vinny Testaverde. Do you know who the last quarterback was that led the Cleveland Browns to a playoff game victory? The answer, Vinny. You can not make this up. Pick: Arizona
Hunt feels extra creative as he says, “I'll coin the new Kurt Warner descriptor as ‘The Hottest Show in the Desert.’ Since I've essentially copyrighted it, I'll only let people use it at the price of a beer per use. Thanks.” No Kevin, thank you. Mr. Normand sees Kurt Warner returning to his ‘99 form, “Warner comeback continues.”
CAR: Devin, Bart
ARZ: Sara, Luke, Mr. Normand, Kevin, Barnes, Grothaus
New England (-4) @ Dallas
This just in, both of these teams are undefeated. The Dallas Cowboys are the class of the NFC, yet needed a game winning, clock expiring, 52 yard field goal to beat the lowly Buffalo Bills last week. The number one rule in sports gambling is not to jump off from a team that is winning and covering spreads. The Patriots are 5-0 this year straight-up AND against the spread. Pick: New England
Sara, somehow, includes a Cleveland Brown in her comments between two undefeated teams, “Phil Dawson is old. Dallas would've never won its last game with him. They won't win this one either.” Mr. Normand thinks that Tony Romo can not get any worse. Only time will tell.
NE: Sara, Luke, Devin, Bart, Kevin, Barnes, Grothaus
DAL: Mr. Normand
Oakland @ San Diego (-10)
These games are so bad that I deem it necessary to throw in one of my favorite jokes. “I was down in Georgia last week visiting my buddy’s family. While I was down there my buddy’s kid got caught having sex with his teacher. Well, my first thought was ‘hey good for you kid.’ However I later found out that the kid was home schooled. That was the bad news.” Pick: San Diego
Devin believes that ten is too many points for the Chargers while Mr. Normand sees L.T finally running wild.
OAK: Sara, Devin, Bart, Grothaus
SD: Luke, Mr. Normand, Kevin, Barnes
New Orleans @ Seattle (-7)
“I like an escalator, man, 'cause an escalator can never break. It can only become stairs. There would never be an ‘Escalator Temporarily Out of Order’ sign, only ‘Escalator Temporarily Stairs.’ Sorry for the Convenience." Pick: New Orleans
Hunt sees bad things with his pick, “Will New Orleans ever win?? Probably this week. But I'll take my chances.” When Hunt takes his chances, and they are against my chances, then I really like my chances. Mr. Normand comes through with, “Saints finally said their prayers last week.” I like it. Devin however refuses to pick New Orleans until they win a game.
NO: Sara, Luke, Mr. Normand, Bart, Barnes
SEA: Grothaus, Devin, Kevin
New York Giants (-3.5) @ Atlanta
This is the Monday Night game? Are you kidding me? Wow. I got nothing but another joke. “I like to wave at people I don't know. It's dangerous to wave to someone you don't know cause what if they don't have a hand? They think you're cocky. Look what I got punk! This thing is useful I'm gonna go pick something up!" Pick: New York Giants
Hunt is dead on with this, “Report: ESPN seeking money from Michael Vick for effectively ruining this Monday Night Football match-up.” Kevin, I would not doubt that this story would go on first before the Indians Game Three win. Devin asks if the Giants could actually be good. The answer to that is that we will never know because the NFC is pathetic at best.
NYG: Sara, Luke, Grothaus, Devin, Mr. Normand
ATL: Bart, Kevin, Barnes
That’s all I got. Best of luck to everyone and GO TRIBE!!!
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