Why did I decide to sit here and write a running blog of this seemingly pointless MNF game between the Seahawks and the 49ers? Good question and I got several answers.
First and foremost, practice. It’s no big mystery that I’m a huge fan of Bill Simmons so it only makes sense I would try and emulate him. I did it with Jordan and Agassi and now it’s with the Sports Guy. Hopefully this one goes a bit better for me than the former two did.
The beauty of fantasy football. What may seem to be a worthless game to most carries a lot of weight to me. My fantasy team, Brady’s Bunch, is currently riding a four game losing streak and is sitting at 3-6. Realistically I need to win out in order to make the playoffs. Thanks to Peyton Manning’s six (that’s right six) interceptions I trail Jared’s Flintstone Kid squad by 17 points entering MNF. I have 49ers TE Vernon Davis, Seattle kicker Josh Brown and the entire Seahawks defense. Jared has Seattle WR Bobby Engram. Should come right down to the wire. Frickin’ Peyton Manning. I think he needs to do another commercial. Anyways, moving on.
Lastly, I’m going to end up sitting on the couch watching this game anyways so I might as well try to do something productive. (I do have laundry going currently so hopefully I don’t miss Emmitt Smith quoting Jimmy V.)
Giddy up.
8:04 p.m. - Like I needed another reason to love Steve Young. When asked by Mike Greenberg if Peyton Manning’s awful game last night was just a matter of “every QB having a bad game here and there,” Steve shouted back, “I never threw more than three INT’s in a game, so be careful with ‘every QB.’” I’ve said it before and I’m sure I’ll say it again, I’ll take Tom Brady any day.
8:06 p.m. - I wish there was a way I could just use a CTRL _ to put in the time. Oh well. I gave Brady’s Bunch a great pre-game speech before tonight’s contest. I mentioned about how whatever happened in the past is forgotten. We can start all over tonight with a win. Keys will be keeping Engram out of the end zone, one TD catch from Davis, 10 points from Brown and the Seattle defense forcing some turnovers or maybe even scoring a special teams touchdown. It’s not a crazy scenario and a part of me actually likes my chances, which in turn scares me.
8:11 p.m. - I’m backing Marcus Trufant in the 2nd annual Monday night fishing toss contest. No way Brain Russell is winning this.
8:15 p.m. - Deion Branch won last year’s fishing toss contest between Seattle WR’s. This year they decided to go with the Seattle secondary. Deon Grant defeated Jordan Babineaux in a surprisingly exciting event which might outshine the actual game itself.
8:17 p.m. - Tom Jackson and Emmitt both declared the reason Shaun Alexander isn’t having a great season is because he got “paid.” Wow. Yeah, it has nothing to do with the fact that running backs only last four years, or the fact that he lost his fullback Mack Strong. Did I forget to mention that his offensive line is depleted as well? Yeah, go with the money angle. Thank goodness Chris Berman is there to say everything that I just wrote.
8:20 p.m. - ESPN’s Rachel Nichols just told us that Seattle QB Matt Hasselbeck plans on using a towel to wipe his hands regardless if it rains or not. Glad you’re here Rachel.
8:22 p.m. - Wanted to give my condolences to Mike Nolan’s family. His father Dick, a former NFL head coach, passed away Sunday. I hope ESPN doesn’t go overkill on this. As the Beatles so eloquently put it, “Let it Be.”
8:29 p.m. - The spread for this contest is Seattle by ten. If they cover then I have the best record in our pick’em league. If the 49ers pull it off then Barnes and I will tie for week ten. Just another reason to be excited for this NFC West battle.
8:31 p.m. - This whole Hank Williams Jr. pre-game song and dance is getting a bit much. As Dr. Evil put it, “Honestly people.”
8:32 p.m. - No more than ten seconds in and we have a reference to Mike Nolan’s dad. I’m fine with this if they drop it right here.
8:33 p.m. - Frank Gore is back this week. A top 5 fantasy draft pick at the beginning of the season, he has been a bust so far. I’m hoping he keeps up this pace for the sake of my Seattle pick.
8:36 p.m. - Suzy Kolber is sporting the mullet look tonight. She looks better with Joe Namaith on her.
8:37 p.m. - Jim Mora Jr. who was just described as a “fiery motivator,” played an interview of Tiger Woods on 60 Minutes to get Seattle pumped up. Why wouldn’t he just bring in his old man? Playoffs?!?!?
8:40 p.m. - Drew Carey just raised the “12th Man” flag. Apparently he is a part owner of the new MLS franchise in Seattle. Sounds like a set-up for a Family Guy episode.
8:41 p.m. - Brady’s Bunch takes the lead 79-76 with the Seattle defense getting the early 20 points. Just stop the game now.
8:43 p.m. - Alex Smith just overthrew Yao Ming by about 10 feet. 49ers go three and out and I hope Engram forgot his stick-um.
8:44 p.m. - First play for Seattle, 12 yard pass to Engram. He is going to be haunting my dreams tonight.
8:47 p.m. - Time for some of Maxine’s chip dip, I‘ll be back in a bit. If you’ve never had it before imagine your favorite food and then multiply it by infinity. Seriously, it’s the real deal.
8:51 p.m. - Switched from the desk to the couch. If I’m going to watch this whole game I’m going to be comfortable. Hasselbeck is just flinging the ball downfield on every play.
8:54 p.m. - 3rd and 7 on the Niners 12. Need Josh Brown to kick an early field goal. Niners stop the Seahawks but then get a cheap roughing the passer call. Should have been three points for Brown, now it might be six points for Engram. Such is my life.
9:00 p.m. - Hasselbeck throws a touchdown pass to … Will Heller. Josh Brown tacks on the extra point and the Seahawks take an early 7-0 lead. Brady’s Bunch is up 80-77. Time for Vernon Davis to do something with his life.
9:04 p.m. - Alex Smith introduces the Niners offense and calls Vernon Davis, “The Turk.” That is the best thing Alex Smith has done for me yet. Oh wait, he just got sacked AND fumbled. Score one(or three) for the good guys. 83-77 B.B.
9:09 p.m. - Seattle fails on 3rd and 1 from the Niners four yard line. Bring in Josh Brown baby.
9:10 p.m. - Brown does his thing putting the Seahawks up ten and Brady’s Bunch up nine (86-77).
9:12 p.m. - Seattle’s stadium looks awesome from the blimp at night. If it wasn’t for the rain and the movie ‘Sleepless In Seattle’ I might actually want to go there one day.
9:15 p.m. - The Turk gets some action but only due to offensive pass interference and then a false start penalty on back-to-back plays.
9:17 p.m. - These 49ers are pathetic. Another false start brings up 1st and 30. It’s a shame they gave their first round draft pick to the Patriots. Unreal.
9:24 p.m. - End of 1st quarter and it’s time for me to fold the second of three loads of laundry. Don’t act like you’re not impressed.
9:40 p.m. - Back after laundry and surprise surprise, didn’t miss much. Engram caught two more passes and now has 46 yards receiving. Josh Brown had a 46 yard field goal negated due to a holding penalty. Seattle just punted and pinned the 49ers on the one yard line. Sounds like a 99 yard touchdown pass to The Turk.
9:45 p.m. - Direct snap to Arnaz Battle on third down didn’t work. Any sentence which includes Battle usually ends with “didn’t work.” Six minutes left in the 1st half and the 49ers have 32 total yards and zero first downs. I just gave myself a pat on the back for the Seattle Defense pick-up (Pats on bye).
9:49 p.m. - 48 yard pass from Hasselbeck to … D.J. Hackett. I’m pulling a Phil Hellmuth and dodging bullets right now.
9:50 p.m. - Maurice Morris does something Shaun Alexander hasn’t done in over a month and rushes four yards for a touchdown. Josh Brown tacks on the PAT and the Seahawks take a 17-0 lead. In the score that really matters B.B. has an 87-80 lead.
9:55 p.m. - Tony Kornheiser does a Howard Cosell impersonation and Julian Peterson sacks Alex Smith. By the way, I actually don’t mind this MNF crew (minus the sideline reporters of course). The 49ers are so bad they can’t even get a punt off without a delay of game penalty.
10:03 p.m. - The 49ers are going to have great field position with just under two minutes to go. After a fair catch interference penalty, they sit on the Seahawks 31 yard line. The Turk can smell the end zone.
10:04 p.m. - Another sack, another fumble, another turnover. No wonder Barnes quit being a 49ers fan.
10:06 p.m. - The 49ers are trying to set a record for the worst first half performance in the NFL. While trying to spike the ball to stop the clock the Seahawks catch San Francisco with 12 guys on the field. Bring out Josh Brown from 49 yards. Brown makes it, but AGAIN there’s another penalty on Seattle. Brown is now trying it from 54 yards, and of course, he misses it. This Seattle field goal unit is killing me. Six points they have taken away from me.
10:10 p.m. - End of half - Seattle 17, San Francisco 0 … Brady’s Bunch 89, Flintstone’s Kid 80.
Halftime thoughts - Instead of commenting on the halftime festivities, I’m taking this time to talk about other festivities.
The Cleveland Browns blew another lead against the Pittsburgh Steelers. Reminded me of the Lou Brown comment in ‘Major League’. “One of these days we’re going to figure out how to beat those guys [Yankees].” Same concept here. Close but not quite yet. Not all is lost however for the Brownies. They are sitting at 5-4 and more than likely will actually be favored in their remaining seven games. Realistically they should end up somewhere around 10-6. That should be good enough for an AFC Wild Card berth. Time will tell.
Derek Anderson has been playing well but was below average in the 2nd half last week in Pittsburgh. Here is what the Browns SHOULD do with D.A. His contract is up at the end of the season and the Browns should exercise the team option and resign him. However, upon doing so, other teams will be able to try and trade for Derek Anderson but will HAVE to give the Browns a 1st and a 3rd round draft pick. This allows Cleveland a chance to get back in the 1st round of the draft. Also, if another team does not make a stab at D.A then you have him and Brady doing battle in training camp at the start of next season. Sounds like a win-win there.
Cleveland needs somebody on defense. Willie McGinist showed his age last week in a game where the Browns badly missed D’Qwell Jackson. Phil Savage addressed the offensive line and now needs to address the entire defense via the draft and through free agency.
I’m loving it when Romeo smiles. The world seems like a happier place to live in when he breaks out into a smile.
The Chicago Bulls have always been slow starters but my goodness. They lost by thirty at home against the Raptors. Unacceptable. I said last year that this team has “maxed out” their potential. They can only get so good with their current roster. They need to get Kobe ASAP.
10:24 p.m. - Back to the game. Give credit to the 49ers for trying something creative and kicking an onside kick to start the 2nd half. Unfortunately it didn’t work and the Seahawks take over from midfield.
10:28 p.m. - Maurice Morris does his best Shaun Alexander impression and fumbles. The 49ers show some sign of life and jump on the ball. Will The Turk catch a pass?? Stay tuned.
10:29 p.m. - Suzy Kolber’s hair is ridiculous. Somewhere Joe Namaith is laughing. He’s probably wasted, but he’s laughing nonetheless.
10:33 p.m. - Arnaz Battle tries to draw Seattle off-sides on 4th down and, well, I direct you to 9:45. Same story.
10:36 p.m. - It just wouldn’t be a game without a Matt Hasselbeck INT. Seattle has turned the ball over on their last two possessions. Nate Clements picks it off and returns it to Seattle’s 20. Frank Gore runs up the middle for ten yards. The Turk is ready to do some work.
10:39 p.m. - 4th and a yard from Seattle’s 2. I’m guessing San Francisco is going to go for it. At this point they have absolutely nothing to lose.
10:42 p.m. - The Niners go for it, and don’t get is as Frank Gore is stuffed in the backfield. Well, at least the 49ers are trying. They are failing, but trying.
10:43 p.m. - I just made an executive decision and decided to leave the 3rd load of laundry in the dryer until the game is over. Realistically that means I could have folded the clothes about an hour ago, but I’m more of a technical person.
10:46 p.m. - The Seahawks go three and out and are forced to punt. For the third consecutive time, the 49ers start with great field position, this time at Seattle’s 40. Drew Carey is joining the crew after the TV timeout. He better say something about Cleveland.
10:50 p.m. - We got the Cleveland Browns reference. That’s all I needed. Go Browns.
10:51 p.m. - 4th and 3 from Seattle’s 22 and the 49ers decide to go for it. Strange decision at best from Mike Nolan. Smith’s pass is incomplete and the Niners waste great field position for the 3rd time in the quarter.
10:55 p.m. - God awards His people. Three solid minutes of discussing Cleveland sports with Drew Carey. I would have missed that entire conversation if I wasn’t doing this running blog. Everything happens for a reason. Fan-tastic.
11:01 p.m. - Out goes Drew Carey and into the red zone goes the Seahawks. An Engram TD would make the next half hour way too stressful. End of third quarter. Seattle 17, San Francisco 0 … Brady’s Bunch 87, Flintstone’s Kid 80. One more quarter.
11:04 p.m. - Hasselbeck throws a TD pass to … D.J Hackett. That one made me jump a bit. Great pass by Hasselbeck. Josh Brown gives me another point and the Seahawks give me the best week ten record in our pick’em league. “Show me the money!”
11:07 p.m. - For some reason Steve Young is now in the booth. Does this happen every week? I’m willing to bet Steve is tired of listening to Emmitt.
11:08 p.m. - I’m convinced that The Turk is not going to catch a pass. Alex Smith is just downright awful right now.
11:09 p.m. - Arnaz Battle tries to catch a 3rd down pass and … you get the idea.
11:12 p.m. - Bobby Engram catches his fourth pass, this one going for only six yards. However, it’s another point for Jared’s team. 88-81 with just 12:30 to go.
11:16 p.m. - Seattle has 26 first downs … San Francisco has 4. Enough said.
11:20 p.m. - Seattle is going to punt with eight minutes to go. I need to avoid big plays by San Francisco that don’t involve The Turk in order for Brady’s Bunch to snap a four game losing streak.
11:23 p.m. - Notre Dame’s basketball team has as many wins as N.D’s football team. Alex Smith tries to hit The Turk but throws it six feet short. Smith needs bigger hands.
11:28 p.m. - Mark it down. The Turk comes through with his first catch of the game!! Reception goes for four yards. He needs at least six more yards to get me a point. The 49ers have strung a couple of plays together and now my fantasy score is 86-81. 6:13 to go.
11:30 p.m. - Arnaz Battle drops a third down pass, tries to get a pass interference call and, well, I don’t think I have to tell you how it ended.
11:36 p.m. - Another job for a promising broadcaster just got taken away when Mack Strong said he was pursuing a broadcasting career. That’s how it works. Seattle is punting with just under three minutes to play. I did some quick math and here’s how I can lose: San Francisco must score a TD and get 89 total yards. I like my chances.
11:40 p.m. - Mike Tirico points out that Alex Smith was a winner in high school. Smith just happened to have a running back named Reggie Bush on his team. I wonder if that helped at all?
11:44 p.m. - San Francisco turns the ball over on downs and Seattle takes over at the two-minute warning. The Seahawks are now in victory formation which means Brady’s Bunch earned a hard fought victory, improving to 4-6 on the season. The playoffs are still possible. Thanks for caring.
11:45 p.m. - Ron Jaworski is counting down the number of days until he gets to call a New England Patriots game. I feel bad for this crew. They deserve better. However, I’m not going to cry too much about it because Gus Johnson deserves much better than what he gets.
11:46 p.m. - Ball game over. Seattle shuts out San Francisco 24-0. Seattle goes to 5-4 while the 49ers have lost seven in a row and are now at 2-7. It’s been real.
We’ve had the Beatles, Dr. Evil, Sleepless In Seattle, chip dip, The Turk, laundry, countless number of rips on Arnaz Battle, Major League, a Cuba Gooding Jr. quote, Gus Johnson, a mullet, Drew Carey, Joe Namaith and a fishing toss contest.
Welcome to the life of a running blog. You never know where it’s going to take you.
Until next time, “read it, roll it, hole it.”
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