2010 NFL ATS Pick 'Em: Week Four QOTW

By: Luke Florence
Apologies for the planned absence from the KOA. Been busy catching up with work, finishing up my LSAT, and being a guest on Jeff Schaffer's Court Street Cup Podcast, which can be found HERE or HERE.

Now that we are finally back we can move forward with the 2010 edition of this NFL ATS league.

Let us start with updating the award standings.

GUS JOHNSON AWARD (after five weeks)

1) Jeff Schaffer - he came, he saw, he conquered; welcome to #1 Schaf, best of luck.

2) Brian Boesch - defending champion drops out of the top spot for the first time; will be interesting to how he responds.

3) Jake Young - despite struggling with laundry machines, he is on the move with these standings.

4) Kevin Hunt - claims to be rooting for Jeff Schaffer, so Boesch won't join Coach as a back-to-back winner.

5) Matt Barnes - only here because affirmative action makes us.

SWAMI AWARD STANDINGS

1) Kevin Hunt's Ballbuster Pick of the Week (4-1) - BAL over PIT, STL lost to DET.

2) Jake Young's Seabiscuit Pick of the Week (2-2) - DEN over TEN, CAR lost to CHI.

3) Brian Boesch's F'd Up Pick of the Week (2-1) - missed past two weeks.

4) Luke Florence's Sunday Ticket Not Gonna Watch Pick of the Week (1-4) - SEA lost to STL, DET over STL.

5) Kevin Hunt's Gus Johnson Pick of the Week (1-2) - HOU over OAK, missed week five.

WEEK FOUR HONORABLE MENTION QUOTES

"I’m guessing that by week 8, Steve Smith will be getting Carl Spackler on the phone to see if he can come to Carolina and slice his ACL, much like he offered his services to Ty Webb to perform this same procedure on Judge Smails." - Nick Lay.

"I hope this gets down to be Kyle Orton vs. Kerry Collins. Such a terrible-looking dual between average QBs from Big Ten schools." - Kevin Hunt.

"It’s break out week against the best wide receiver corps in the NFL that doesn’t have a quarterback that can complete 10 passes a game." - Jake Young.

WEEK FOUR TOP TEN QUOTES

10-tie) "This one’s always a touchy matchup, due to the Packer fan base still harboring hatred towards the division rival Detroit Lions signing away Green Bay quarterbacking legend Don 'The Majik Man' Majkowski. You can bet The Majik Man was doing his best to get on as many talk shows this week to promote whatever it is he does these days." - Nick Lay.

10-tie) "The Jags' o-line really needs to get its pump on." - Jeff Schaffer.

9) "Well, it’s at this point of my picks where I have to admit I really haven’t been following the NFL too much outside of the Browns. Did Rex Ryan get his stomach stapled? I know he’s fat – if he hasn’t had it stapled, he should look into it. It helped Rosie O’Donnell to become less of a lesbian since her tummy can’t hold as much muff juice as it could before the surgery." - Nick Lay.

8) "From what I hear, Carson Palmer has looked horrendous this year. And I'm still pretty sure the Browns would pay him double Jake Delhomme's contract if they could." - Jeff Schaffer.

7) "I wonder if, when asked what three people you’d want to eat dinner with, someone has ever replied: Mike Vick, Ray Lewis and Ben Roethlisberger." - Jake Young.

6) "If Charlie Batch wins two games, I no longer believe in the NFL. Or the Ravens defense. Or Ray Lewis's guilt....wait, scratch that one." - Jeff Schaffer.

5) "Last week’s Panthers fan took it out on her kids. This week…saw a truck with two bumper stickers: Panthers and Confederate flag. Take it as you will." - Jake Young.

4) "Every time I think about how bad it sucks to be a Browns fan, I think of Bills fan Michael Grothaus. I allow myself to feel bad for about 20 seconds, then remember the Bills threw away four chances at a Super Bowl title and had a Hall-of-Fame QB within the last 900 years. Don't worry, Otto Graham, that was hyperbole." - Kevin Hunt.

3) "Dustin Keller is making Sanchez look like Peyton Manning...but his resemblance to a Romo is all natural." - Jeff Schaffer.

2) "So many brothas in the City of Brotherly Love this weekend. McNabb's return to Philadelphia. Vick's continuing rise to old form. Charlie Manuel's pursuit of another World Series title." - Kevin Hunt.

1) "I’ve actually visited both of these cities the past two summers. Both were good times in very different ways. Baltimore, for one, had an ocean to enjoy, while Pittsburgh had three disgusting, polluted rivers, swimming with whatever venereal diseases Big Ben has infected them with. Not sure if the biggest risk to living in Pittsburgh is breathing in the smog or the risk of Chlamydia every time you’re near the rivers." - Nick Lay.

BILL WALTON AWARD STANDINGS (after five weeks)

1) Jeff Schaffer - 69

2) Brian Boesch - 49

3) Kevin Hunt - 35

4) Jake Young - 27

5) Matt Barnes - 18

6) Nick Lay - 13

7) BESS Club - 10

8) Jason Fazzone - 3

Congratulations to Nick Lay for winning the week four quote of the week. Since week five was a declared bye-week, there will be no Bill Walton points awarded for week five. But, that fact did not deter two of our league members to produce high-quality comments. I present to you, Jeff Schaffer and Jake Young's week five comments.

Tampa Bay at Cincinnati (-6.5)

Jake: "Anybody got a box of OchoCincos?? It gets kind of lonely down here in Augusta. I kinda wanna call that charity hotline on the box so I have someone to talk to."

Denver at Baltimore(-7.5)

Schaf: "How much riot punch would Ray Lewis have to drink to kill Kyle Orton on the field? I would probably provide the funding for it."

Jake: "Kyle Orton taught LeBron about neck beards, and LeBron infused Orton with a sudden burst of athletic ability."

Jacksonville at Buffalo(-0.5)

Schaf: "Buffalo is not a team that gets a lot of opportunities to win...most of the ones they get they squander. I'm hoping this one will be different."

Jake: "When I was little, my team was the Bills because the Super Bowl was the only football I was watching, and they were there every year. Then, when they didn’t make it in 95, I decided to pick a new team. That’ll go down as one of the better decisions I’ve ever made."

Chicago(-2.5) at Carolina

Schaf: "I hope Jay Cutler's wound doesn't get infected...a passing Panther could get the wrong idea."

Jake: "SEABISCUIT PICK OF THE WEEK- My Carolina fan of the week is confused as ever. Was behind a guy at Subway who was wearing a Panthers jersey…Jake “Of the Man” no less, and a Bears hat. Don’t give up now confused fan. This week, your Panthers get it done."

Atlanta(-2.5) at Cleveland

Schaf: "I would probably drink soup out of Luke's shoe for a Falcons Super Bowl win."

Jake: "I want to see Rowdy Roddy White and Rowdy Rod McDavis go head to head to see who is the rowdiest and Roddiest of the bunch. I’ve met both now, and even though White gave me an autograph that I have yet to send to Schaf, McDavis accepted my friend request on Facebook. Tough decision on who I’ll be backing."

St. Louis at Detroit(-3.5)

Schaf: "Until last week Shaun Hill was really jamming me up...hopefully now Calvin Johnson can pump me up the Court Street Cup standings."

Jake: "I’ve gone back and forth on this one, but the Lions need this win so that their fans don’t completely forget about them now that the NHL is starting up."

NYG at Houston(-3.5)

Schaf: "Andre Johnson is definitely the champion of all receivers...and he may also be a master of karate."

Jake: "Cushing’s back and I’m hoping that means I get to see Manning Face all day."

Kansas City at Indianapolis(-8.5)

Schaf: "All of my instincts and training tell me the Colts win this game easy...all my instincts and training may be wrong."

Jake: "I don’t feel good about this pick, but I’m hoping that Peyton does the job and Matt Cassel continues to do what he’s been doing."

Green Bay (-2.5) at Washington

Jake: "I don’t feel good about this at all. I have to go with my team, but they just aren’t playing the way they should be."

San Diego (-5.5) at Oakland

Jake: "Time to prove you can get the job done Chargers. This is typically a tough game, so we’ll see."

New Orleans(-6.5) at Arizona

Schaf: "Derek Anderson has to be biggest jabroni in the NFL...maybe America."

Jake: "Arizona cured the woes of Atlanta’s offense a couple weeks ago, and the same will happen today for the Saints."

Tennessee at Dallas(-6.5)

Schaf: "I can't run as fast as Chris Johnson, but I think he'd be impressed with my speed...for a tall guy."

Jake: "I have a feeling Chris Johnson’s going to run wild today. He better if he’s still planning on running for 2,500 yards this year."

Philadelphia at San Francisco(-3.5)

Schaf: "Kevin Kolb's ineptitude has screwed me again."

Jake: "Brent Celek outperforms Vernon Davis today. Watch and see."

Minnesota at NYJ(-4.5)

Schaf: "When you tack on Moss you sacrifice Bernard Berrian, that's just a straight-up fact."

Jake: "When Moss left Minnesota, I actually was okay with him, but now that he’s back, all I can think about is his fake mooning of Packer fans in the playoffs. He’s back on my can’t stand list. But, I think he and Father Time will take down Revis this week."

Great stuff guys. Please keep 'em coming. They will count for points this week and hopefully for every week from here forth.

Here's to twelve more weeks of fun.

Until next time, "read it, roll it, hole it."