There was very little questioning - almost none whatsoever - that week nine was the most difficult in terms of picking a Quote Of The Week winner. Across the board there has never been a more a top heavy slew of quotes to choose from. We saw a rebuttal haiku, karate lessons, Anchorman quotes, and much more.
The hard part for you guys is over. You came up with the well-crafted material, and now you can sit back, knock your shoes off, and enjoy the Week Nine Quotes Of The Week.
TOP TEN WEEK NINE QUOTES
10-tie) “Ochocinco sent the Ravens deodorant ... now Ray Lewis has something to cover the scent of the dead bodies he's about to leave in his wake.”- Jamie Reamer.
10-tie) “'Brick, you killed a guy' - Yeah, Ray Lewis, I've been meaning to talk to you about that. You should find yourself a safe-house or a relative close by. Lay low for a while, because you're probably wanted for murder.”- Matt Barnes.
9) “Headline in the Cincinnati Enquirer regarding tomorrow's Bengals game: "Ravens' Lewis vows he won't dial back." So I'm not sure what that means, if maybe he's been dialed back in the past? All I'm saying is that I don't think heavy artillery is out of the question this week.”- Nick Lay.
8) “Another Bucs QB will get a first start. And unfortunately for TB, it's not Jeff Garcia. Or Trent Dilfer. Or Steve Young. Or Brad Johnson. Or Steve Spurrier. Or Jim Zorn. No, I made none of those up.”- Kevin Hunt.
7) “Both these teams are like Cole Hamels...they just want this season to be over already. I'd rather fight for a fumble at the bottom of a pile with Brandon Spikes than watch this game.”- Jamie Reamer.
6) “Michael Crabtree's impact could set a precedent for long-term holdouts instantly becoming good fantasy players. I'm already making Dez Bryant one of my top-three picks next year.”- Jeff Schaffer.
5) “Eli puts on a Chargers jersey, but only Jeff Fisher thinks it is funny.”- Jeff Normand.
4) “So Hunt wants in too. He does have a hot sister. Nick Lay is a gay.”- Jamie Reamer.
3) “In a game with five interceptions, Jake Delhomme didn't throw one. If he out-plays Drew Brees this week I have no doubt that my head will explode.”- Jeff Schaffer.
2) “I tried to do karate when I was younger. Well, after a few weeks of really easy stuff, I went into a class with a few black belters and they showed me what I would eventually have to learn. Guess what? I quit. Well, Jake Delhomme is me, and Drew Brees is one of those black belters. I hope he reads this.”- Brian Boesch.
1) “Way to go Browns. "You woke up the Bears". Apparently, they could also smell the menstruation coming from Eric Mangini.”- Matt Barnes.
Congratulations to Matt Barnes for earning his second Quote Of The Week winner. It was a tight race between him and Boesch for the top spot, but ultimately, the thought of menstruation coming from Eric Mangini earned Barnes the victory.
The podcast with Luke Polito took place last night and it went very well. We are going to put the finishing touches on it this evening and it should hit this blog before the day is done.
Week nine proved to be a difficult one to pick, as no one recorded double-digit wins and four members had double-digit losses.
It was a week where to stay in contention, you simply had to survive. Next week, when there are 15 games to pick, including a Thursday night game, you should start to see the cream rise to the top.
Congratulations to Justin Whelan and Eric Hug for both going 9-4 and receiving the best week nine records of the bunch. Both of them used those strong showing to vault themselves into a four-way tie for second place, three games behind Nick Lay.
For Justin, this is not unfamiliar territory. One year ago, Whelan was 78-52 (an ATS record) and in first place. However, he went 3-11 the next week, and wouldn't record a winning week record until week 13. Maybe this time around will be different. Stay tuned.
No surprise that Whelan and Hug were the week's biggest gainers, as they jumped six spots in week nine. On the other hand, week nine was the cruelest to Jeff Normand. Jeff went 3-10 and fell seven spots in the process.
For the first time all year, Nick Lay now finds himself in first place all alone, three full games clear of 2nd place.
2009 NFL ATS PICK 'EM: WEEK NINE STANDINGS (week nine record in parentheses) 1) Nick Lay 76-53 (8-5)
2) Anthony Tynan 73-56 (8-5)
2) Luke Florence 73-56 (7-6)
2) Eric Hug 73-56 (9-4)
2) Justin Whelan 73-56 (9-4)
6) Billy Wakefield 72-57 (6-7)
6) Luke Polito 72-57 (6-7)
8) Jeff Normand 71-58 (3-10)
8) Jamie Reamer 71-58 (5-8)
8) Shane Kline 71-58 (7-6)
11) Erik Smith 70-59 (6-7)
11) Corey Taylor 70-59 (7-6)
13) Ryan Polito 68-61 (4-9)
13) Matt Barnes 68-61 (6-7)
13) Andrew Braverman 68-61 (7-6)
16) Jeff Schaffer 67-62 (5-8)
17) Josh Florence 66-63 (6-7)
17) Jake Young 66-63 (6-7)
19) Kevin Hunt 65-64 (7-6)
19) Brian Boesch 65-64 (4-9)
19) Chris Rapking 65-64 (6-7)
22) Chris Woodard 64-65 (4-9) 23) Jason Fazzone 61-68 (3-10)
24) Andrew Reinhart 57-72 (1-12)
25) Devin Frank 55-74 (4-9) 26) Bart Borer 51-78 (2-11)
You know the drill by now. Please make me aware of any discrepancy and we will take a look at it. We have a podcast scheduled for tonight, as Luke Polito bats lead-off in the Luke vs. The League contest. Should be fun.
Before we move into week nine, let’s clean up some dust left over from week eight.
How come no one mentioned their disappointment when there was a noticeable absence of a week eight song? That hurt a bit.
Well, HERE it is. Ronald Jenkees (same guy who recorded the Bill Simmons Podcast) remixed a classic Halloween song. Do work.
Usually week nine is reserved for my mid-way awards, but thanks to some much needed math, we found out that the mid-way point of the NFL season (at least in relation to number of games this league will be picking) is not until week ten. So that column will have to wait.
With the past and the future parts of week nine cleared up, we can move to the present. For the final time this year, we only have 13 games to pick. Week ten jumps back up to 15 games, and after that, 16 games each week. For the final time (until week 17), the first game of the week will be on Sunday afternoon. Thursday night games start next week and will continue until the first weekend in January.
It appears as if this league is on the brink of going through some changes. More games to pick. Earlier deadline due to Thursday night games. Hmmm. I wonder what could be the week nine song?
David Bowie’s “Changes.”
Just gonna have to be a different man. Time may change me. But I can’t trace time.
Giddy up, week nine is here.
BALTIMORE (-2.5) @ CINCINNATI
This time around I expect the road team to win again … hopefully by the same margin.
My Pick: BAL (-2.5)
Let the Ray Lewis murder comments begin.
Barnes: “"Brick, you killed a guy" - Yeah, Ray Lewis, I've been meaning to talk to you about that. You should find yourself a safe-house or a relative close by. Lay low for a while, because you're probably wanted for murder.”Look out Gus Johnson, here comes Matt Barnes with vengeance. As Ludacris said, “I’m coming for that number one spot.”
Kevin: “Expect there to be a lot of points in this game, so I'm going with the offense that should be able to score the most points. Cause the team scoring the most points will win. Thank you John Madden.”And that’s what that’s all about.
Lay: “Headline in the Cincinnati Enquirer regarding tomorrow's Bengals game: "Ravens' Lewis vows he won't dial back." So I'm not sure what that means, if maybe he's been dialed back in the past? All I'm saying is that I don't think heavy artillery is out of the question this week.”So the first thing I thought of when reading that headline involving the word ‘dial’ was Ironhead Heyward bathing in the shower. That’s effective advertising.
Reamer: “Ochocinco sent the Ravens deodorant ... now Ray Lewis has something to cover the scent of the dead bodies he's about to leave in his wake.”That will be a nice change of pace for Ray Ray. Usually he just has to kill all the witnesses.
Smitty: “Ray Lewis murders everyone in Cincinnati due to his rage of giving up 100 to Cedric Benson. Bengals felons fight back with shanks fashioned out of toothbrushes. Murderfest 2009.”Yes, these are my friends.
MIAMI @ NEW ENGLAND (-10.5)
Two schools of thought. One, the Miami Dolphins always play good teams close. Or two, the Patriots coming off a bye week should dominate just about everyone they play. For yours truly, it comes down to which scenario is the easiest to imagine.
My Pick: NE (-10.5)
Reamer: “So Hunt wants in too. He does have a hot sister. Nick Lay is a gay.” Couldn’t have asked for a better comeback Reamer. Beautiful.
Brian: “Anyone else mad they couldn't go to a Bill Simmons book signing? He's my favorite nerdy sports geek. Can't wait until Luke Florence becomes the next internet sensation, starting the best ATS leagues around.”Thought about making the two-hour trek to Chicago, but alas, I had to work. Looking forward to reading his 700 page encyclopedia, but I might read Andre Agassi’s book first.
Barnes: “A true "Afternoon Delight" as the Dolphins try to slow down Tom Brady. Just add scotch and you've got one hell of a party.”Tom Brady owns many leather-bound books.
Kevin: “Taking out the '07 46-point win over the Bills, the Pats have won their last five games off the bye by an average of 12.4 points per win. Gimme the hoodie.”To just about everyone in this league, they will read Kevin’s comments and think, ‘Wow, Hunt is looking up relevant information before making his picks. That’s a nice change of pace.’ But they should be thinking, ‘what in the blue hell happened to Kevin?’
Hug: “Jon Gruden gets excited just thinking about the Wildcat. It’s just like the holidays, except you don’t have to watch a Tim Allen Christmas movie to Curb Your Enthusiasm.”Favorite Curb Your Enthusiasm episode from this season was last week’s Swan episode. The rant about Derek Jeter was terrific.
KANSAS CITY @ JACKSONVILLE (-6.5)
Kansas City seems like one of those sneaky teams that may end up winning five games this year, cover games on the road, and have one or two big upsets.
My Pick: KC (+6.5)
Kevin: “I'll be sensitive. I bet Larry Johnson's gay. All you guys are fags.”We are all waiting for the week when Hunt uses haiku’s for every game. It could happen, believe.
Lay: “I'm half-expecting to see highlights of this game filled with dozens upon dozens of tumbleweeds blowing through J'Ville.”Wait … did Lay just say he expected to see ‘highlights’ from this game? Does he realize what two teams are playing? There will be no highlights. None.
Barnes: “"I'm in a glass case of emotion" trying to pick this one. If both teams suck, which team you go for?”The one getting the points.
GREEN BAY (-9.5) @ TAMPA BAY
Battle of The Bays. Green should beat Tampa by at least ten points … right?
My Pick: GB (-9.5)
Kevin: “Another Bucs QB will get a first start. And unfortunately for TB, it's not Jeff Garcia. Or Trent Dilfer. Or Steve Young. Or Brad Johnson. Or Steve Spurrier. Or Jim Zorn. No, I made none of those up.”Vinny Testaverde is fuming you left him off this list. He is turning over in his grave as you read this.
Brian: “Kellen Winslow hasn't won in 356 days. The best QB he's ever had was probably Ken Dorsey while at Miami. He don't give a hell.”Totally forgot about Mr. Winslow playing for the winless Bucs. Well, at least he has Sam Bradford to look forward to in ten months. That will be nice. I think.
Hug: ““Bay” “Tampa” That’s the way their chant came across when I used to play Madden 2001 on the computer against them. It took me a long time to realize that video games were dyslexic. There should be a support group for that. They should see Vince Young’s psychiatrist or his mother (because he played well guys, come-on).” Video games weren’t dyslexic. That’s how John Madden thought the chant actually went.
Barnes: “"Diversity is an old wooden ship". You can find one of those in Tampa Bay in the end-zone.”Diversity or the ship? Doubt it is diversity, seeing as Green will be the only color in Tampa’s end zone this week.
WASHINGTON @ ATLANTA (-10.5)
Falcons are due for a break-out. This is code for, “Never taking the Redskins on the road … ever.”
My Pick: ATL (-10.5)
Brian: “My friend's dad told me about a final essay he had in college. Apparently there was a long story about some really brave person, and the question was something along the lines of "Explain how you can be brave in a situation in your life." So he wrote in HUGE letters, "This is brave," and turned in the exam. Done in 10 seconds. Well, picking the Redskins is like that. You are really nervous, but it shows you have marbles. By the way, he got an A. I hope I get a W.”What your friend’s dad did on his essay is not nearly as brave as what you are doing this weekend by backing the Skins. Just so you know. I envy you.
Schaffer: “Kind of mad at the Falcons for not only squandering their chances to beat the Saints, but also covering with a pointless field goal. Maybe Jason Elam won't be a douche this week.” At least your teams can be put in position to kick a pointless field goal. The Browns are simply pointless, in every possible meaning of the word.
Barnes: “The Falcons will have just four words for the Redskins after they beat them down to the ground - ‘Thanks for stopping by.’”Who gets canned first? Jim Zorn or Eric Mangini?
Hug: “Another Jon Gruden comment. Matty “Ice” Ryan might be Top Five on Gruden’s favorite things to say. He was so stimulated with that dynamic mouthpiece Monday night, you almost wondered if the guys in the booth were about to go skiing with him.”Or if they were up there downing a case of Natty Ice. One or the other.
Jeff: “I thought the worse team in the NFL was in Washington--wrong-thank you Mangini.”He just keeps on giving doesn’t he?
ARIZONA @ CHICAGO (-3.5)
No idea. Could go either way. Time for the Frankie Boner Pick Of The Week.
My Pick: CHI (-3.5)
Brian: “It's that time again. Time for the F'd Up Pick of the Week. This week, we get a fairly even game, but I like the Cardinals in it. Let's see if that pick is F'd Up enough. Road team rolls first.
Roll #1: By the way, when I'm on the podcast with Luke, I've decided to do the F'd Up pick live during the show. Luke may soil himself. Anyways, a slow first round, as Chicago snails out to a 6-5 advantage. Roll #2: After a 7 by Zona, we have a first for the F'd Up Pick of the Week....double 6's! The and-one...a 6!!!!!!!!!! Another? How about a 4. A 22 point roll for Chicago. The Bears are booming with confidence after playing the Browns last week. 28-12 CHI. Roll #3: Kurt Warner is going down without a fight early on here. 7-5 win in the round for Lovie's crew. 35-17 CHI through 3. Roll #4: Zona shows a bit of life with a solid 8, but Jay Cutler is a bully, so he went out and rolled a 10. 45-25 CHI. Biggest lead ever before the half for a team. Roll #5: My goodness...an 11 for the Bears after another 8 for Arizona. It's 56-33 Bears. The Bears are on pace for 112 points! Let's root for history, folks. Roll #6: Well, that pace is slowed a bit, as both teams roll a 5. 61-38 Bears. Again, still on pace for triple-digits. COME ON CHICAGO! Roll #7: I think the Bears put on the breaks a bit. Meanwhile, Arizona won its first roll of the contest, 9-7. Bears still up big, 68-47. Roll #8: All that offensive momentum is gone for the Bears. Arizona won another roll, but only by a score of 6-5. 73-53 Bears. Too bad Larry didn't start going absurd...this could've been a game. Roll #9: HOLD ON! After a 4 by the Cardinals, ANOTHER DOUBLE-6 FOR THE BEARS. With the John Adams drumming going on...the roll........a 4! 16 points. 89-57 Chicago. An all-time high for points in the F'd Up pick of the week...there's still a shot at a 100! Roll #10: Well in the most meaningless roll ever, Arizona rolled double 3's, then a 3 on the next two and-one rolls, and then a 6. And they are STILL down 14 points and the Bears haven't even rolled. Thanks for being late, Cardinals. OK, here goes. Come on Bears...pull this off. The roll......there was a 6, but then just a 1. 7 to finish it off. 96-73 Bears with the win. The pick is....Chicago -3.5.”Let the record show that I did indeed soil myself at the mere thought of doing the F’d Up Pick Of The Week LIVE on the pod cast. And let the record show that I am okay with that.
Barnes: “Way to go Browns. "You woke up the Bears". Apparently, they could also smell the menstruation coming from Eric Mangini.”This might be the toughest week yet to pick a QOTW winner. This one is certainly in the running. Well done.
HOUSTON @ INDIANAPOLIS (-9.5)
Karma is working in the Texans favor. Bob Sanders out, Andre Johnson in. I believe in karma. You should to.
My Pick: HOU (+9.5)
Barnes: “The Texans are 5-3 and would be in the playoffs if the season ended now. But no matter how much Matt Schaub says ‘Come see how good I look,’ all the praise will be thrown on Peyton Manning and his egg-shaped head.”Bought the QOA a Peyton Manning jersey, but she needed it to be a kids size in order to fit. The price is significantly lower with the kids jersey, which is one of the few times I can get jealous of Kevin Hunt’s shortness. It's right up there with a limbo contest, or the classic game, "You Short, You Win." Hunt's the Michael Jordan of that one.
Schaffer: “It seems like I've taken the Texans a lot this year...maybe I subconsciously have some feelings for Andre Johnson that need to be dealt with.”Don’t deal with it. Just let it in. Soak it in. Accept it. Life will be much better. And if you do this, I guarantee that moment of acceptance will make your 2009 top ten sporting moment list.
CAROLINA @ NEW ORLEANS (-14.5)
Two years ago I wasn’t sold on the Green Bay Packers despite their furious start. Now, I’m not sold on the Saints. I feel an upset brewing.
My Pick: CAR (+14.5)
Brian: “I tried to do karate when I was younger. Well, after a few weeks of really easy stuff, I went into a class with a few black belters and they showed me what I would eventually have to learn. Guess what? I quit. Well, Jake Delhomme is me, and Drew Brees is one of those black belters. I hope he reads this.”Brian Boesch looking for his 2nd QOTW winner. In an average week, this one would take the prize, but in a jam-packed week like this, who knows.
Kevin: “King of the Pick 6 Jake Of the Man vs. defense that contains guy who is trying to set a record for INT returned for TD. Saints offense might not have to score.”But I bet they do anyways.
Hug: “New Orleans is a good choice almost no matter what the line is, but I am giving them a big Wag of my Finger to them for having a guy get hurt because he wasn’t aware of his surroundings (costing them a timeout, stopping the clock late), then fumbling away the football, allowing Atlanta to put a crushing blow to my abysmal picking week. No I am not angry about going 4-9, but this is going to cost you New Orleans. I am picking Carolina and Jake Delhomme. I hope that one stings. I hope you feel it in your plums. Go Panthers.”Love the Wag Of My Finger idea Hug. (That’s what she said.) Keep it going every week.
Reamer: “Drew Brees has more weapons than Delonte West.”So does West come back and actually help the Cavs, or is he more of a distraction now that he is with the team every day. I don’t know. And I don’t care. Go Bulls.
Schaffer: “In a game with five interceptions, Jake Delhomme didn't throw one. If he out-plays Drew Brees this week I have no doubt that my head will explode.”Schaffer tossing his hat in the ring for a 2nd QOTW crown.
Barnes: “There's nothing sexy about the Panthers. They're too damn inconsistent this year to be a contender. Their motto this year: ‘60% of the time, it works every time.’”I’d put 5:1 odds on Delhomme not only owning Sex Panther but wearing it on a regular basis. Like right now.
DETROIT @ SEATTLE (-10.5)
In the Not Gonna Watch And I Have Sunday Ticket Pick Of The Week, I’ll take the home team.
My Pick: SEA (-10.5)
Kevin: “Ballbuster Pick of the Week: A Browns-Irish weekend. Taking the #7 I like better between the teams (combined wins between ND and Cleveland) in the 9th game listed (combined losses between the teams). Well, neither team has a #7, so I'm taking the team with the most Irish players on the roster. Seahawks 3, Lions 0.” John Carlson, Julius Jones (who I met on the ND field), and ???
Barnes: “"Tonight, let's be co-people". Actually, even if these two teams combined, they'd still be awful.”People watching this game could get confused. They thought they were tuning in for a football contest, but instead will be watching the equivalent of grown men ‘doing it’ on a rainbow.
Hug: “Last week the team I had the most faith in winning was the St. Louis Rams [against] the Detroit Lions. Yes that is a true story. Bring on the neon!”Yes, that is also a sad story.
Reamer: “Both these teams are like Cole Hamels...they just want this season to be over already. I'd rather fight for a fumble at the bottom of a pile with Brandon Spikes than watch this game.”Anyone else think Urban Meyer came out of the Spikes situation looking like an idiot?
TENNESSEE @ SAN FRANCISCO (-4.5)
Jeff Fisher has only six winning seasons in his 16-year coaching tenure with the Titans. How does someone keep his job nearly two decades with that track record? Easy. Have a ton of 8-8 and 7-9 seasons. Fisher has six of those as well. With that in mind, I fully expect the Titans to gravitate towards seven wins before the season is done.
My Pick: TEN (+4.5)
Kevin: “Niners are 0-5-1 ATS their last 6 vs. the Titans. Plus, I just spent about an hour looking up and recording Chris Johnson/Gus Johnson highlights from this season. See.... ya later!!”He’s got … running away from the cops speed!!
Brian: “We're one week away from people saying "Wow, Vince Young may actually be a quarterback in this league." Tennessee fans are cringing. Jeff Fisher is cringing. I'm excited.” ESPN and especially ESPN2 are locked and loaded. Just give them the word.
Jeff: “Vince Young declares himself the new head coach instead of QB.”Lendale White would be on board, that’s for certain.
Schaffer: “Michael Crabtree's impact could set a precedent for long-term holdouts instantly becoming good fantasy players. I'm already making Dez Bryant one of my top-three picks next year.”There is no ‘could’ about it … he is. It’s bad when on Tuesday I looked at all my leagues waiver wire, hoping to see Crabtree. What’s probably worse is that I half-expected him to be around. No wonder I’m doing awful in fantasy this year.
Barnes: “Heads up. If Mike Singletary invites you to ‘The Pants Party,’ don't go. It ain't sex, but it ain't a party either if you know what I mean.”Is this where Michael Irvin and Patrick Ewing go on a regular basis?
SAN DIEGO @ NEW YORK GIANTS (-4.5)
Giants have let me down three straight weeks. At this point I may be too far into the forest to see the trees, but I’m not running out yet. In Eli I Trust.
My Pick: NYG (-4.5)
Brian: “I hate New York. After the "Where's LeBron going to play in 2010?" 3-hour broadcast with the Cavs-Knicks as a solid side show, I hate the entire city. What a joke. And the worst part? LeBron soaked it in. I love his game, but he is a douche. And I'm as big of a Cleveland fan as there is. He's loving it.”Thank you Brian Boesch for using some perspective on LeBron James. That’s usually hard to get out of Cleveland fans.
Jeff: “Eli puts on a Chargers jersey, but only Jeff Fisher thinks it is funny.”Look out folks, Jeff Normand making a case for QOTW.
Barnes: “Chargers win if they get a run game and if they "stay classy". Meanwhile, the "Unique New York" Giants just need to protect their quarterback to stop the losing streak. Eli is tired of hearing "Whammy!" every time he gets sacked.”Annnnd, we now have a catch-phrase to say instead of “ELI MANNING FACE!”
Hug: “The Giants will rise this week like Gulliver in his Travel’s to Lilliput and Blefuscu (it’s a book reference Barnes), as they take out the pillagers from California in this battle.”Somewhere Matt Barnes is staring awkwardly at this comment. Taking a moment or two to himself, and now, finally just moving on.
DALLAS @ PHILADELPHIA (-3.5)
Haven’t gotten the best read on the Eagles, but with the current season of It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia being my personal favorite, I’ll jump off the Cowboys bandwagon for just one week. This is legal in the eyes of the law.
My Pick: PHI (-3.5)
Let the Tony Romo comments commence.
Kevin: “I'm with Schaffer here. Miles Austin? Not from Jersey. Romo is homo.” That’s Hunt’s 2nd haiku of the week. No reason to believe he couldn’t do it for every game.
Hug: “Tony Romo is not good on grass, in outdoor stadiums, on the road or with women. If last year’s debacle repeats itself, this game will be classic. I don’t think I even need to say it.”The penultimate Romo experience would then be the following: Picnic lunch, in a dome, blanket spread out on artificial turf, in Dallas, with a dude.
Brian: “Romo's homoness seems to return when people are thinking it might be gone. He's come out of the closet more than Romeo Crennel has wrecked a buffet.”Which means Romo comes out of the closet at least eight times a week. At least.
Smitty: “Philly and their riot punch punk Tony Homo into buying some awful merchandise. He ends up with three turnovers.”Does your cat make too much noise??
Jeff: “The Eagles don't put any cooling fans on the field because Ryan Howard is brought in as guest "fan" on the sidelines.”So I lost my bet to Matt Barnes. The Yankees won the World Series before our most recent Pope died. The next question is, how do we top that bet?
Barnes: “Yes, we all hate the Cowboys and Romo is homo but as far the Dallas, ‘don't act like you're not impressed.’ They're probably overachieving right now but that's better than what the Browns are doing.”Getting your privates stuck in a meat-grinder would be better than what the Browns are doing.
Schaffer: “One of my fantasy teams has suddenly become a hub for Eagles, while the other is quarterbacked by Tony Romo. I'm not sure which, if either, will succeed this week.”Sounds like Schaffer will be hoping for a 45-37 type of game.
PITTSBURGH (-2.5) @ DENVER
Picked Denver just once this year, and that was when they played the Raiders. So needless to say, I’m backing the Steelers. You got to dance with the girl you brought in the first place. On the flip side, I am 0-7 in Steelers games this season. You be the judge.
My Pick: PIT (-2.5)
Brian: “Should be a good one here. Hopefully Tirico, Jaws and Gruden can focus on this one with such a good one coming next week. Next week, the MNF guys will probably start talking about LeBron's future once the game is over...in the second quarter.”At least it takes attention away from the putrid Browns.
Kevin: “Ryan Clark couldn't eat 20 wings.”Story behind this comment. Hunt, Woody and myself went to Hooters a month back. Hunt and I got 20 wings. Hunt also ate some appetizers, so he was struggling finishing his 20. The waitress came over and called Hunt a p***y for not being able to finish. Woody and I could not stop laughing, and well, Hunt sludged home after slowly eating his 20 wings.
Smitty: “Bursa likes Denver here. When I asked him if he had any comments as to why, his answer was F**k Pittsburgh? Thats good enough for me.”That’s good enough for anyone.
Barnes: “Mad props to Denver management for hiring Josh McDaniels. He's like a ‘miniature Buddha.’”When the Browns were looking for a head coach, the guy I wanted was McDaniels. Would he have made a difference? Who knows. He couldn’t have done worse.
Jeff: “Roethlisberger sucking Mile High air after being chased all night long.”Replace ‘Roethlisberger’ with ‘Girl Big Ben is pursuing’ and ‘Mile High air’ with ‘Big Ben’s Big Member’ and it’s probably more accurate.
No special sections this week. So, that will do it for week nine. Enjoy.
The plan was to input a podcast between the standings post and this one, but unfortunately, our guest plans fell through this week. We will be sending out a podcast schedule very soon. Please respond quickly as they will go on a first come first serve basis.
Without further ado, here are the week eight quotes.
Doesn't this award mean a little extra with Bill Walton retiring and all?
Added extra quotes this week, but as always, only the top ten will receive points.
TOP TEN WEEK EIGHT QUOTES
17) “Marc Bulger. Noel Devine. Kids. Travis Henry. Way More Kids.”- Shane Kline.
16) “No amount of riot punch could get anyone through this game. I'd take the secret tunnel BACK to the Holiday Inn and watch the other games on TV.” - Nick Lay.
15) “Ted Ginn makes Browns Version Braylon Edwards look like Jerry Rice.”- Eric Hug.
14) “The Mike Singletary Face vs. The Peyton Manning Face. Bill Simmons will be giddy.”- Brian Boesch.
13) “John Elway. Bubby Brister. Blitz 64. Billy Jo Hobert. Saints. Tim Couch Hail Mary For The Win.”- Shane Kline.
10-tie) “Romo is a stud … Seattle is decrepit … Reamer is homo.”- Nick Lay. (sorry Reamer, had to do it ... using the classic Romo Is Homo haiku to continue this ongoing battle warranted a top-ten spot)
10-tie) “I'm going with the word association this week. Miles Austin. Monmouth. Fighting Scots. Van Pelt. Tall. Schaffer.” - Shane Kline.
9) “‘Ghosts’ - A couple of teams whose identity is still pretty unclear. I guess the only clear thing we know about either team is Romo is homo.”- Matt Barnes.
8) “It makes me sick to my stomach that Fox is actually using a “Favre-cam” for this game. I’m sure John Madden hopes “Favre-cam” follows Favre into the locker room, into the stall, into the shower – you get the picture.” - Jason Fazzone.
7) “Hey Kyle Orton. See what's happening with Kerry Collins in Tennessee? That's you in 365 days. Enjoy this year of fame.” - Brian Boesch.
6) “Jake Of The Man holds a passer rating of 56.5 that is #32 in the league (which is nearly 16 points HIGHER than Derek Anderson), but I guess they really have few options left. Not that anyone will be watching, considering 91% of the country is getting the Vikings-Packers game. This game is literally contained to the states of Arizona and North and South Carolina. John McCain is so happy.” - Kevin Hunt.
5) “Looking forward to next week when the Browns will only be 6 point underdogs to the vaunted bye week.”- Nick Lay.
4) “I mean, how can Denver be good? Every team they've played so far has gotten beat by the Broncos.” - Eric Hug.
3) “How is a man with the name Miles Austin black and from New Jersey? There's something very wrong with that.”- Jeff Schaffer.
1) “Matt Schaub. Fantasy. Megan Fox. Racist Robots. Black Jokes. Matt Barnes.” - Shane Kline.
Congratulations to Shane Kline for taking home the Week Eight Quote Of The Week. Another congrats to Kline for finishing 1-2 for the first time in the short history of this segment. His word association e-mail is going to be in the mix for the e-mail of the year award. Well done Shane.
The blog is completely updated now and be on the look out for the podcast schedule as well.
Eight weeks in. Halfway home ... almost. Just nine weeks remain in the 2009 season.
Both the NFL and this ATS league have already begun the filtering process. Distilling the awful teams almost immediately, as the great teams try to put themselves into a worthwhile position for January.
The best part about our league is that there really isn't a great team. Just a bunch of good teams, with the occasional awful team sprinkled in.
Through eight weeks it would be safe to say that only three members have almost no chance of winning any money. Andrew Reinhart, Devin Frank and Bart Borer. Everyone else is probably still in the running on some level.
Consider this. In 2007 we paid the top three. After eight weeks, the person in first place (yours truly) ended up winning. The person in second place (Sara) finished in third, and the person in third after eight weeks (Devin) earned no money at all.
In 2008 we paid the top four. After eight weeks Alex Lucius appeared to have a stranglehold on 1st, but ended up in 3rd. Justin Whelan was in 2nd place but managed to finish outside fourth. Josh Florence was in third and well we all know the story from there. Brian Boesch defied the odds by being in fourth place at the mid-way point and finishing in fourth place at the end of the year.
The point (albeit a long-winded one) is that only twice has a league member finished in the same money-spot as he (or she) was after eight weeks.
The 2009 version of week eight saw just one person crack the double-digit victory mark. It just so happened to be me. Finally a week where everything came together. Credit goes out to the QOA for getting eight wins a week ago and allowing for some much needed perspective. We jumped ten spots from 13th to a 3rd place tie.
On the flip side, week eight saw just one person crack the double-digit losing threshold as well. That person was none other than Chris Woodard. After watching his once beloved Brett Favre come into Green Bay and throw four touchdown passes, Woody had to endure a 2-11 record which made him the biggest loser of the week, dropping nine positions.
But remember, there is plenty of time left.
2009 NFL ATS PICK 'EM: WEEK EIGHT STANDINGS (week eight record in parentheses)
1) Nick Lay 68-48 (6-7)
1) Jeff Normand 68-48 (7-6) 3) Billy Wakefield 66-50 (4-9) 3) Luke Polito 66-50 (7-6) 3) Jamie Reamer 66-50 (7-6) 3) Luke Florence 66-50 (10-3) 7) Anthony Tynan 65-51 (7-6) 8) Eric Hug 64-52 (4-9) 8) Erik Smith 64-52 (5-8) 8) Shane Kline 64-52 (8-5) 8) Ryan Polito 64-52 (5-8) 8) Justin Whelan 64-52 (7-6) 13) Corey Taylor 63-53 (9-4) 14) Jeff Schaffer 62-54 (5-8) 14) Matt Barnes 62-54 (6-7) 16) Andrew Braverman 61-55 (6-7) 16) Brian Boesch 61-55 (7-6) 18) Chris Woodard 60-56 (2-11) 18) Josh Florence 60-56 (6-7) 18) Jake Young 60-56 (5-8) 21) Chris Rapking 59-57 (5-8) 22) Jason Fazzone 58-58 (4-9) 22) Kevin Hunt 58-58 (7-6) 24) Andrew Reinhart 56-60 (5-8) 25) Devin Frank 51-65 (7-6) 26) Bart Borer 49-67 (5-8)
As always, please double check your record, and make me aware of any discrepancy. The blog will be updated tomorrow with award standings and the week eight quote of the week.
Apologies for the lack of the column before the games started on Sunday. Saturday night was spent driving back from Ohio, and needless to say, getting in at 4:30 AM meant there would be a missed deadline. However, here is the column for week eight. No comments from yours truly, but there are still several hilarious quotations from the league members.
SEATTLE @ DALLAS (-9.5)
Devin: “Is Hasselbeck hurt? Seattle keeps being huge underdogs in these match-ups and I can never understand why?”
Shane: “I'm going with the word association this week. Miles Austin. Monmouth. Fighting Scots. Van Pelt. Tall. Schaffer.”
Kevin: “Wade Phillips face everywhere, but I don't like that Walter Jones is out for the Seahawks. Wouldn't doubt that Hasselbeck gets blasted when Demarcus Ware comes off the left side and Brandon Frye can't block him. Or, more appropriately... Walter Jones won't play. 'Hawks can't block Demarcus Ware. Romo still homo.”
Schaffer: “How is a man with the name Miles Austin black and from New Jersey? There's something very wrong with that.”
Brian: “According to Wikipedia, Tony Romo is homo. Just kidding. That must be the reason why teachers don't let you use Wikipedia on research papers. It forgets little details like that.”
Lay: “Romo is a stud … Seattle is decrepit … Reamer is homo.”
Barnes: “‘Ghosts’ - A couple of teams whose identity is still pretty unclear. I guess the only clear thing we know about either team is Romo is homo.”
Fiz: “Is the 9.5 the spread for this game, or is that the over/under for how many passes Roy Williams drops?”
HOUSTON (-3.5) @ BUFFALO
Brian: “After popular demand by all the Houston fans (all 14 of them), the Texans become the first team to be involved in the F'd Up Pick of the Week in two straight weeks. It's another up in the air game, but I would have picked Houston originally. But let's see if the dice agree. Road team rolls first.
Roll #1: A big start for Buffalo, as they take an 11-6 lead early on. Roll #2: A yawn of a second round, as BUF wins it 6-5 and leads 17-11 through two rounds. Roll #3: It's all going right for the Bills. Another 5 by the fanless Texans, and then the Bills rolled snake eyes. The and-one was another 1. Then a four came on roll number four of the round. 24-16 BUF. Roll #4: Should the Bills turn back to J.P. Losman? Maybe hire Jim Fassel or Jim Haslett. Maybe the Bills will just go down to the UFL. It could happen. Anyway, back to the action, as the Bills are rolling. Another low score for the Texans (5) followed by an 8 for Bills. This is turning into a snooze-fest. 32-21 BUF. Roll #5: A pair of 5's for both sides. Come on guys...roll better. This is weak. 37-26 BUF. Roll #6: Seriously Houston. I will deem you ineligible if you don't get something going. They haven't rolled higher than a 6. This time, it was a 4. BUF with a 9. 46-30 BUF. Roll #7: 6-5 BUF in the round. Now I'm rooting for low scores the whole way. Houston is pathetic. 52-35 BUF. Roll #8: BREAK OUT THE TEXANS! An 11!!!! Wow! The Texans respond with a snake eyes followed by a 6. 60-46 BUF. We're gonna need to see some and-ones for the Texans. Roll #9: Both sides get a 7, as we are about to see the JV squad come in. Houston needs a miracle. 67-53 BUF. Roll #10: The best round of the game. Too bad it didn't really matter. Houston rolls an 11. Then a pair of 4's for the Bills, followed by a 5. The final is 80-64 Bills, so the pick is Buffalo +3.5.”
Shane: “Matt Schaub. Fantasy. Megan Fox. Racist Robots. Black Jokes. Matt Barnes.”
Kevin: “How truly unlucky is Dick Jauron?? I mean, he coached the Bears, had one good season in 2001, sucked in all the others, then got a job as D-coordinator in Detroit. After he was passed over for the head coaching job by Rod Marinelli (now Bears asst. head coach), he went on to be the head coach in Buffalo. He hasn't worked for a decent team since being with Tom Coughlin in Jacksonville a decade ago. Or is it that he hasn't made a team decent in more than a decade?? You decide.”
Lay: “Sorry, Ryan Fitzpatrick. The only scoring that Harvard is sononymous for is on the LSATs.”
MINNESOTA @ GREEN BAY (-3.5)
Shane: “Jordy Nelson. Wes Welker. Ed McCaffery. Tweeter. Jonathan "Mox" Moxon. Fire That Pigskin.”
Hug: “If Brett Favre could tackle somebody I would have had 12 wins last week. A big Wag of My Finger to you Brett Favre and Minnesota.”
Brian: “Here's a dare, national media. Don't mention Brett Favre's time in Green Bay, Derek Jeter's clutchness, or LeBron James' impending free agency for 1 day. We could completely get rid of ESPN2. We wouldn't need it anymore.”
Fiz: “It makes me sick to my stomach that Fox is actually using a “Favre-cam” for this game. I’m sure John Madden hopes “Favre-cam” follows Favre into the locker room, into the stall, into the shower – you get the picture.”
ST. LOUIS @ DETROIT (-4.5)
Shane: “Marc Bulger. Noel Devine. Kids. Travis Henry. Way More Kids.”
Schaffer: “Mounds Bar: The candy bar that looks and tastes like a turd is the perfect metaphor for this game.”
Brian: “FOX should market this as the rematch of the 2006 World Series. That was probably the most boring one in a long time, and it'll still be 100 times more interesting than this game.”
Lay: “No amount of riot punch could get anyone through this game. I'd take the secret tunnel BACK to the Holiday Inn and watch the other games on TV.”
Jeff: “With the point spread Detroit will win 4.5 to 0.”
Fiz: “Have the Lions been favored in any game since Barry Sanders retired? I’m being serious here.”
MIAMI @ NEW YORK JETS (-3.5)
Shane: “The Sanchize. Hot Dogs. Milwaukee Brewers. Matt LaPorta. Future Bust.”
Hug: “Ted Ginn makes Browns Version Braylon Edwards look like Jerry Rice.”
Kevin: “The way to beat the gusty wind and other weather in the Meadowlands is by running the Wildcat. That, or by getting uber drunk and making out in the bathroom with a chick you just met. Which begs the question: if you were to partake in a situation like that, would you choose men's or women's room?? The men's room will be filled of people cheering for you, but the possibility of stepping in a big puddle of pee or falling into a poop-filled toilet that hasn't flushed since Week 2 is incredibly high. The women's room will be filled with people who hate you for taking advantage of a woman, but will be noticeably cleaner and will have more stalls with closed doors for privacy (cause obviously you have standards and this whole thing is going somewhere).”
Brian: “Our educational system is poor. So why not make things fun when you can? Try this, 6th grade teacher. It's a heck of a multiple choice question. If Rex Ryan and Charlie Weis meet at a Golden Corral, what will happen?
A. Hurricane B. Earthquake C. Expansion of world hunger by 18%. D. All of the above.
(The answer is D.).”
Lay: “Gotta feel good about a former Michigan QB throwing to a pair of Buckeye WRs, including one who could never crack the top two.”
Barnes: “"Trick or Treat" - Never know what you're gonna get with Mark Sanchez. Could be a treat or could be a trick. And trust me, I would know.”
SAN FRANCISCO @ INDIANAPOLIS (-12.5)
Shane: “Cut That Meat. Fat Chicks. Scary College Memories.”
Kevin: “The guy who made gay slurs this week is suspended. San Francisco is, well, draw your own conclusions here. (and no, I'm not done with this LJ thing).”
Schaffer: “Snickers: Was gonna go with the Niners in this one, but as was pointed out to me, I can't pick against Adam Nougateri, given my theme.”
Reamer: “We did not take our Flag Football Championship to the national tourney...Kent State wouldn't sponsor us and we were too poor to pay for everything ourselves. We would've been a force to reckon with though!”
Brian: “The Mike Singletary Face vs. The Peyton Manning Face. Bill Simmons will be giddy.”
Lay: “How perfect that on Halloween weekend Alex Smith rises from the dead and yanks the starting QB's job.”
Barnes: “"Skeletons" - Austin Collie? Pierre Garcon? Seriously, you could put dead bodies out there at recievers for Indy and Peyton Manning will find a way to make them a fantasy star.”
CLEVELAND @ CHICAGO (-13.5)
Devin: “Do you still watch these games?”
Shane: “Bears. Pandas. AOP's. More Scary College Memories.”
Hug: “The Bears are coming off of an embarrassing loss and the Browns are coming off of an embarrassing season. You know it's bad as a fan when you're excited to see the opponent score because a kick return is your best chance at the end zone.”
Kevin: “Butch Davis got a big upset win on the road, so his former team should pull something off too, right?? The kicking game in this game will be crucial too. These teams will be trying to stay away from opposing returners more than Lamar Odom will be staying away from Khloe Kardashian in bed on nights that don't include drinking heavily. Or more than Derek Anderson (and the Browns in general) stay away from success. Or more than hobos stay away from cleanliness. Or more than Jamie Reamer's passes stayed away from players they were actually intended for. (Decided I couldn't watch two guys fight in the bar on their own I guess).”
Schaffer: “Whatchamacallit: At this point, can you even call what the Browns' have an offense? There has to be a better word for it.”
Brian: “Is it bad I hope Eric Mangini's kids don't get any candy on Halloween? No? Good.”
Lay: “Looking forward to next week when the Browns will only be 6 point underdogs to the vaunted bye week.”
Barnes: “"Vampires" - The Bears are in desperate need of a victory. Good thing is that they can smell blood. Good 'ol Browns always there to make another team feel better about themselves.”
Fiz: “Aaron Rodgers said the Packers’ scout team did a better job of running the Browns’ defense than the actual Browns did. The members of this ATS league could probably do just as well.”
DENVER @ BALTIMORE (-3.5)
Shane: “John Elway. Bubby Brister. Blitz 64. Billy Jo Hobert. Saints. Tim Couch Hail Mary For The Win.”
Hug: “I mean, how can Denver be good? Every team they've played so far has gotten beat by the Broncos.”
Kevin: “Who wants Larry Johnson to be picked up by the Broncos?? Cause I do. Then his team-joining press conference will include something to the effect of, ‘Josh McDaniels?? Who is this guy?? My dad has more experience than him. Hell, I HAVE more experience than him.’”
Schaffer: “Amazin' Fruit: I want them to start making these delicious gummy bears again even more than I want the Broncos to finally lose a game.”
Brian: “Hey Kyle Orton. See what's happening with Kerry Collins in Tennessee? That's you in 365 days. Enjoy this year of fame.”
Barnes: “"Coffins" - Pretty sure every NFL team has one of these ready when Ray Lewis comes into town. I mean, he did kill a guy.”
Brian: “Two years ago this game mattered. Now it matters about as much as the name of the hot girls with skimpy costumes on Court Street.”
Jeff: “Another owner meddling in the football operations. Should have drafted Jamarcus Russell.”
Barnes: “"Zombies" - The Titans have been playing just about every game like a zombie. And now they bring in Vince Young for a change of pace. Thing is, replacing an old, awful quarterback with a younger, awful quarterback doesn't equal a victory.”
OAKLAND @ SAN DIEGO (-17.5)
Shane: “Mike Mitchell. Chris Garrett. Elizabeth Reichert. Kelly Brennan. Jaime Baker. Every Other OU Football Player.”
Hug: “Kudos to Shane for picking the Raiders, I am truly sorry for the inspiration. I take it Vegas is getting killed by Oakland if they are jumping the line up this high. At this point for Oakland, moral victories are okay. Now go get me a moral victory.”
Shane: “Saint Sebastian is the patron saint of athletes and the game will be played on All Saint's Day, so I'm taking the team of the only Sebastian in the league who's playing on Sunday. For the record, I would have also picked the Patriots and gritty offensive lineman Sebastian Vollmer.”
Schaffer: “Airheads: With Al Davis and Norv Turner's teams facing off, this one was just too easy.”
Lay: “LT looks like Emmitt Smith during his Arizona Cardinal days. This, for the record, is not good.”
Barnes: “"Spiders" - They're ugly, disgusting, creepy, slow, and gross. Oh, I'm not talking about spiders, I'm talking about the Raiders.”
NEW YORK GIANTS @ PHILADELPHIA (-2.5)
Shane: “DeSean Jackson. Jeremy Maclin. Gus Johnson. Speeeeeeeed.”
Schaffer: “Chunky: There were so many different routes I could go with this one...I mean, it's Andy Reid.”
Brian: “I'm surprised two former Indians aren't starring at QB in this game. Oh wait, we don't have any other good players. But we have Manny Acta! It's Tribe Time Now!”
Lay: “I would give my left ball to be in Philly on Sunday. They may have to cut off alcohol sales 2 hours before first pitch.”
CAROLINA @ ARIZONA (-9.5)
Shane: “Tim Hightower. Richmond. Heights. Spartans. My Alma Matter. 2009 Winless Football Season.”
Kevin: “Jake Of The Man holds a passer rating of 56.5 that is #32 in the league (which is nearly 16 points HIGHER than Derek Anderson), but I guess they really have few options left. Not that anyone will be watching, considering 91% of the country is getting the Vikings-Packers game. This game is literally contained to the states of Arizona and North and South Carolina. John McCain is so happy.”
Schaffer: “Butterfinger: Has Jake Delhomme ever not thrown interceptions?”
Brian: “You could dress up like Jake Delhomme for Halloween. But people may not give you beer. He sucks that bad.”
Jeff: “Carolina announces a trade with Cleveland--Delhomme for Anderson,Mangini for Fox.”
Barnes: “"Black Cats" - Jake Delhomme is on the fast track to be the QB of the Browns next year. I mean, they do love themselves some less than average quarterbacks.”
ATLANTA @ NEW ORLEANS (-10.5)
Devin: “Figure coming close to the midway point. Good time to bust out this clip. Time to get serious with the picks.
Shane: “Matty Ice. Natty Ice. Getting Arrested. Possession Of Stolen Property. 2 Years Probation. Laughing At An Assigned Psychologist. OU At It's Finest.”
Schaffer: “It took the homo to finally expose the Falcons' awful secondary. I'm horrified thinking about what a real, straight quarterback will do to them.”
Reamer: “If I may … Drew Breeeeeeeeessss.”
Jeff: “Oh when the Saints, come marching in. What the heck--they are perfect so a church song seems appropriate.”
IN THE ZONE
By: Jason Fazzone
Another week has passed, and it’s time for another week of randomness: Don’t doubt “Renegade”: They played “Renegade” at Heinz Field at the two-minute warning last week. A mere three plays afterward, Keyaron Fox picks off Favre and runs it back for the score that put the game away. I think it’s the one Steelers prediction I’ve gotten right all season.
Larry Johnson: Of all the tweets sent to and from Johnson that led to his suspension, the best was a fan tweeting Johnson that he has as many scores as LJ this year.
Return to glory: Good to see Alex Smith and Vince Young get their starting jobs back this week. And both will be out of football by this time next year.
Nice, Pedro: Excellent suit choice by Pedro Martinez after Game Two of the World Series. Not only does he call himself the most influential person to ever step into Yankee Stadium, but he also dresses damn well. What a badass. Speaking of…
Cliff Lee: His nonchalant catch was one of the hardest moments baseball will ever see.
Series will take forever: At this rate, the World Series won’t end until Thanksgiving. Cut the season down already – it’s not like anyone cares about baseball in July and August anyway. Denver gets three feet of snow: And I’m going to be flying out there in a week for the Steelers/Broncos game? Great timing…
I turn 24 in a month: This sucks.
Obligatory fantasy football update: Won again last week to put me at 5-2 and in a tie for first place. I’m going up against one of the other 5-2 teams, and I’m doing it without Tom Brady. In his place…Marc Bulger. Oh, well…5-3 isn’t too bad.
The Charlotte Bobcats suck: 59 points in a season-opening loss to Boston. I think our intramural basketball team came close to that once. We’ll never know if we could’ve made it to 59 – we got mercied three times.
Another season of Austin Carr: Can’t wait to hear some “Throw the hammer down!” and “Deep in the Q!” this season. AC loved me and Po’s signs when we went to the Cavs/Pistons game last year.
Tim Donaghy: This guy says NBA referees show favoritism toward certain teams and players. The reason his book didn’t get published is because it’d be like publishing a book that says the sky is blue or the Cleveland Browns suck or Ryan Polito is soft. In other words, it’s basic knowledge.
Wow, Golden Tate: As I’m writing this, Golden Tate just made a sick catch on a Hail Mary pass. Too bad he plays for Notre Dame. Too bad the Irish are playing Washington State.
The six teams that will make the playoffs out of the AFC: Patriots, Steelers, Colts, Broncos (division champs); Bengals and Texans (wild cards)
The six teams that will make the playoffs out of the NFC: Giants, Vikings, Saints, Cardinals (division champs); Eagles and Falcons (wild cards)
Super Bowl XLIV prediction: Colts over Saints
I wish I had more Bart Borer stories: But I don’t. Sorry.
I need a beer: I’ve been meaning to try Bud Light Golden Wheat. Anyone know how it is? I’m still staying true to Dos Equis though.
Drug test: I did a two-hour round trip to and from Akron just to pee in a cup. Real sweet.
Mountaineer update: I went to defend my Omaha Hi-Lo tournament title Friday night, but ran into a guy with a horseshoe up his ass. Other than watching porn, I’ve never seen someone get lucky so many times in my life. At least I made $110 in an hour playing a cash game.
October ATS: Count me as one of those that are glad to see October go. Here’s to a good month of November for me, and a terrible one for the rest of you. Until next time, go Steelers!
Po's Knowledge Dropping- Week 7 in Review
By: Ryan Polito
MOST DOMINANT- Monkey Funeral A very dominant story I came across this weekend that may show how much animals are similar to humans. Most monkeys are known for their loud annoying noises and short attention span. However, when a fellow chimp named Dorothy died it was a different story. Dorothy was a very “prominent figure'' within her group that consisted of about 30 chimps. When Dorothy was put to rest, the usually wild and uncontrollable chimps gathered around a gate and sat quietly to watch Dorothy be buried. One of the workers who actually buried Dorothy said it was truly a remarkable moment watching the chimps grieve in that manner. A very dominant story that really brings out the human side in the animals.
LEAST DOMINANT- Treat or Treat hours
What happened to the days when Trick or Treating started after dark? It seems like the little kids are out earlier and earlier every year. As I am writing this it is 4:50pm ET and some kid dressed in an Elvis Presley costume just knocked on my door and said treat or treat. Seriously? Why the hell are trick or treat hours 5-7pm? It is a clear day with the sun shinning and kids are already walking around asking for candy. Ridiculous. If I were in control the trick or treating hours would be 8 10pm. At least then everyone would have the true feeling of Halloween by walking around in the dark. Halloween is about the nighttime, and being scared by things. That cannot happen when kids are outside at 4:50pm asking for candy. I could go on for hours on this subject, but I will stop right here. As Charles Barkley would say... thats Turrrrible!
Promo of the Week: Just 6 days until the main event final table featuring Phil Ivey.
Adios, Go Steelers. ______________________________________________________________ Until next time, "read it, roll it, hole it."
10-tie) “Ochocinco sent the Ravens deodorant ... now Ray Lewis has something to cover the scent of the dead bodies he's about to leave in his wake.” - Jamie Reamer.
1) Nick Lay 76-53 (8-5) 
