Week one in the NFL was full of surprises across the board. Maybe, just maybe, Jon Kitna was on to something. The Lions actually looked pretty good in their 36-21 victory over the Oakland Raiders. Speaking of the Raiders, they finally signed their #1 draft pick, JaMarcus Russell this past week. Russell’s holdout was the longest since Bo Jackson’s. The biggest surprise was that the New England Patriots are cheaters. I guess it’s not a big enough advantage to have Tom Brady, Randy Moss, a dominating defense and three super bowl rings. Reminds me of the line John Candy busts out in Cool Runnings, “I had made winning my whole life, and when you make winning your whole life, you have to keep on winning, no matter what.” Still scratching my head on the punishment handed out by the NFL. They fined Bill Belichick and made the Patriots forfeit a draft pick in next years draft. They do nothing to harm this current team. Go figure. On a personal note, my fantasy team, thanks to Big Ben’s four TD passes against the Browns, squeaked out a win for “Brady‘s Bunch.” However, for the Lions and my fantasy team, week one success does not guarantee anything.
The biggest mistake one can make in picking the week two games is basing it solely on the team’s week one performance. Just last year the Atlanta Falcons started out winning three of their first four games. They would win just four more the rest of the way en route to a 7-9 record. Two years ago the Detroit Lions roared to a week one win, only to get pounded by over 30 in week two. The lesson learned here is that it is way too early to judge just how good these teams are.
Last week saw Barnes, despite not even making a pick for one of the games, vault into the early lead with an 11-5 record. It’s pretty packed from top to bottom, as was expected after just one week. It does serve as good news that no one absolutely flopped, with last place only being four games back.
STANDINGS
1) Barnes 11-5
2) Grothaus 10-6
3) Devin 9-7
3) Mr. Normand 9-7
3) Luke 9-7
6) Kevin 8-8
6) Bart 8-8
8) Sara 7-9
On to the picks for week two.
Buffalo @ Pittsburgh (-9.5)
The Bills lost a heartbreaker last week to the Denver Broncos while the Steelers smoked the Browns. I still believe that Pittsburgh is the 3rd best team in the AFC North despite how impressive they looked in week one. That being said, I’ve talked myself into going with the points on this one. However, I have a feeling that Pittsburgh is going to jump out to an early 7-0 lead and I will be doing my best Charlie Frye impression (falling to the ground). Pick: Buffalo
Devin chooses to mix his picks with his fantasy football team, “I need them to win by 10 because I have half their players on my fantasy team,” while Bart shows what kind of education you get at Tiffin Calvert, “I dont think I ever noticed that there is an ‘h’ at the end of Pittsburgh.”
BUF: Grothaus, Luke PIT: Bart, Mr. Normand, Barnes, Devin, Hunt, Sara
Cincinnati (-6.5) @ Cleveland
I’m never taking the Cleveland Browns until they name Brady Quinn the starter. I’m looking forward to this game for three reasons. First and foremost, to see if Brady will play at all. Others have said that you are giving up on the season if Brady comes in. These people are clueless to the Browns situation. In order to be a successful NFL team you have to put the players in that give the team the best chance to win. Brady Quinn is the best QB the Browns have. He gives them the best chance to win. Done and done. Secondly, Steve Beuerlein is announcing this game on CBS. Last time I remember Steve announcing a Browns-Bengals game was in 2004 when Cincy beat the Browns in a defensive struggle 58-48. Beuerlein was talking about all the U.S Presidents that have come from Ohio. Then Steve threw this comment in, “Almost makes you wish you were from Ohio.” Yep, that’s what he said. No joke. I’m also looking forward to see what Chad Johnson will do. He says that he will jump into the Dawg Pound if he scores. I hope he does. Someone needs to. Pick: Cincinnati
Sara is following my line of thinking on this game, “My original plan was to pick Cleveland for every game, but after a disgrace like that in the opener, I'm just never picking them again in my life.” Doesn’t take much to turn on the Browns. Devin decides to group Cleveland with his Bucs, “I will now add the Browns to the list of teams I wont pick this year.”
Bart gets credit for the quote of the week, “Thank you Cleveland for sucking enough for me to hear "Who Dey" all week from the gay Cincinnati bandwagon fans, it is truly appreciated.” Gotta love it.
CIN: Everyone CLE: No one
Indianapolis (-7.5) @ Tennessee
By far the best 1:00 game on television. These teams played two classics last year, including Vince Young leading the Titans to a 20-17 win over the Colts in December. It may surprise you, but the defending Super Bowl champs have lost their last three division games. However the Colts looked very good last week against the Saints. I’m taking my own advice and not basing my decision off of one week of action. Something tells me I’m going to regret it. Pick: Tennessee
IND: Grothaus, Bart, Mr. Normand, Barnes, Devin, Hunt, Sara TEN: Luke
Houston @ Carolina (-6.5)
I hold a grudge against the Carolina Panthers. More specifically Panther QB Jake Delhomme. He single-handedly ruined my three team teaser last year and I have vowed never to pick the Panthers again. Both of these teams had convincing week one wins. Also, can everyone just get off the Houston Texans’ back for picking DE Mario Williams over RB Reggie Bush. Who has more TD’s so far this year? Mario does. Case closed. As for this game, I’ll go against Jake Delhomme more so than going with the Texans. Pick: Houston
HOU: Grothaus, Bart, Sara, Luke CAR: Mr. Normand, Barnes, Devin, Hunt
San Francisco @ St. Louis (-3)
My sympathies to anyone who stayed up late to watch the 2nd half of MNF last week where the Cardinals and the 49ers played an absolutely disgusting game. It was one of those games where, unfortunately, someone had to win. The only thing that kept me going was counting all the mis-pronounced words said by Mike Ditka. It was almost as if he stumbled into the booth and everyone else was too polite to ask him to leave. Back to this game. St. Louis does not have Orlando Pace. I will repeat, the Rams are without the services of Orlando Pace. Pick: San Francisco
Devin picks who he likes in the NFC West this year, “San Fran ain’t that good, Arizona is just that bad.” Bart comes through with yet another instant classic quote,
“Mmmmm you can find me in St. Louie
Where the gun play ring all day
Some got jobs and some sell yea'
Others just smoke…”
Yes, these are my friends.
SF: Mr. Normand, Barnes, Sara, Luke STL: Grothaus, Bart, Devin, Hunt
Green Bay @ New York Giants (-1)
If there was no question on whether Eli Manning was going to play, then the Giants would have been favored by around six points. That being said, this is a must win game for the G-Men. Head Coach Tom Coughlin has a history of getting out to fast starts, and with his job security being in question, a slow start would all but ensure himself of getting the axe. Yes the Packers were able to beat the Eagles, but I don’t see them winning this game on the road. With or without Eli playing. Pick: New York Giants
Bart predicts the G-Men to win “in a thriller,” and Devin predicts the Packers to win by twenty if back-up QB Jared Lorenzen sees any action.
GB: Grothaus, Barnes, Devin, Hunt, Sara NYG: Bart, Mr. Normand, Luke
Atlanta @ Jacksonville (-10.5)
Two teams that I could not be more unsure of. Joey Harrington played like he usually does, which spelled disaster for the Falcons last week. Meanwhile, the Jaguars gave up about 500 yards rushing in a week one loss to the Titans. Is Jacksonville capable of beating any team by over ten points? At this point, I just don’t know. However, I will not over think this game to a point in which I take Joey Harrington on the road. I got burned last week when I did it, and I will not make the same mistake here. Pick: Jacksonville
Devin picks the Falcons and almost immediately regrets it, “May God help me,” while Bart shares my thoughts, “Joey Harrington blows.” That he does Bart.
ATL: Mr. Normand, Barnes, Devin, Hunt JAX: Grothaus, Bart, Sara, Luke
New Orleans (-3) @ Tampa Bay
Everyone seems to think that the Saints went 13-3 last season. While they did make it to the NFC Championship game, they went only 10-6 in the regular season. The Achilles heel for New Orleans is that they have no defense. The Colts could have scored 80 last week if Peyton Manning felt like it. There is good news for the Saints. They play Tampa Bay this week, and guess what? They have no offense. I wonder how many touchdowns it will take Calvin Johnson to score before the Bucs realize they should have made that trade. Pick: New Orleans
Las Vegas must have gotten this spread wrong, because not only did everyone pick the Saints, some expressed their opinions on the sorry state of the Tampa Bay team. Bart rolls with, “The Saints by exactly one million,” and Devin, “wow … if anyone picks against this.” Well Devin, no one did, which makes me not like my selection that much anymore.
NO: Everyone TB: No one
Minnesota @ Detroit (-3)
TAVARIS JACKSON ON THE ROAD! TAVARIS JACKSON ON THE ROAD!! The Lions win this game while Tampa Bay fans wonder if anything has gone right since their 2002 Super Bowl win. Pick: Detroit
Bart delivers a provisional pick, which I will allow because of Bart’s provisions, “If Minnesota is wearing their purple uniforms they will lose ATS because those are the gayest uniforms EVER. If they are wearing their white ones, they will win ATS. (Luke be sure to make a note of this pick.)” Duly noted Bart. And Devin decides to jump on the Lions bandwagon, “Drinking the Detroit cool-aid, for now.” I love my friends.
MIN: Grothaus, Bart (white uni’s), Mr. Normand, Barnes, Sara DET: Bart (purple uni’s), Devin, Hunt, Luke
Dallas (-3.5) @ Miami
The Cowboys offense was impressive in week one, while their defense was equally un-impressive. It is time to anoint Cowboys DB Roy Williams as one of the most over-rated defensive players in the league. I would love to roll with the Dolphins, but they lost to the Redskins last week. No excuse for that. If they can’t beat the Redskins, they have no shot against the Cowboys. Pick: Dallas
Devin says he would be stunned if anyone picked Miami in this contest. Well D-Frank, some one did, and that some one is the leader after one week. Barnes will either pick one up on the field, or allow some of us to get one step closer.
DAL: Grothaus, Bart, Mr. Normand, Devin, Hunt, Sara, Luke MIA: Barnes
Seattle (-2.5) @ Arizona
The Seahawks did not allow a touchdown last week, and the Cardinals looked as if scoring was against their religion. Arizona really needs to win this game, but they won’t. The NFC West is going to be won by the Seahawks with an 11-5 record, with everyone else around 6-7 wins. This will not be one of the 6-7 wins for the Cardinals. Pick: Seattle
SEA: Grothaus, Bart, Mr. Normand, Devin, Hunt, Luke ARI: Barnes, Sara
New York Jets @ Baltimore (-10.5)
Leave it to Chris Berman to bust out the Joe Namaith reference in this game. Berman cites that those Jets were big underdogs against the Baltimore Colts in Super Bowl III. I think Berman was 45 years old then. Anyways, the Ravens turned the ball over six times against the Bengals and still had a legitimate chance to win that game. As for the J-E-T-S, they are starting Kellen Clemens at QB. After contemplating this game for a while, I decided to roll with the Jets. I was awarded for my patience when I learned Hunt chose this match-up for his ball buster pick and going against me. Pick: New York Jets
Kevin’s Ballbuster Pick of the Week (0-1): Baltimore
Hunt went “completely random” with this pick, thus, according to his logic, actually improving his chances of picking a winner. Welcome to the life of Kevin Hunt.
Devin decides that, “ten points is too much for McNair.” I agree with D-Frank, while Bart believes the Jets were cheated last week, “They will have an easier time without the opposing coach spying on them.”
NYJ: Bart, Mr. Normand, Barnes, Devin, Sara, Luke BAL: Grothaus, Hunt
Oakland @ Denver (-9.5)
The Raiders are a mess of a professional franchise. It’s that simple. Pick: Denver
Devin again cites his fantasy team, “Hedging bets, if I lose this I probably won my fantasy league game.”
OAK: Grothaus, Mr. Normand, Devin DEN: Bart, Barnes, Hunt, Sara, Luke
Kansas City @ Chicago (-12)
This game has 50-0 written all over it. Kansas City is the worst team in the NFL, especially on the offensive side of the ball. Chicago has one of the best defensives in the league. While it is true that the Bears have Rex Grossman, he seems to have a couple of games each year where he throws for 300 yards and multiple TD’s. This is one of those games. I can’t see how K.C. kicks a field goal in this one. Pick: Chicago
Sara believes in the power that is Rex Grossman, “I don't think he can throw for even a touchdown and a half.” Well Sara, that maybe true, but I’m pretty sure the Bears defense can score three TD’s in this one. Devin follows my line of thinking, “Dear God, this maybe the sickest game ever.”
KC: Hunt, Sara CHI: Grothaus, Bart “Da Bears”, Mr. Normand, Barnes, Devin, Luke
San Diego @ New England (-3)
The Chargers won and covered last week against the Bears, but got beat up in the process. Meanwhile, the Patriots rolled over the Jets. If you are talking yourself into picking the Chargers, remember, Norv Turner is their head coach. That should end the debate right there. Random thought: Is any team going to start covering the L.T toss pass? It happens every other game, and every time it’s as if the defense has never seen it before. Let the cheater comments begin. Pick: New England
Bart, who was in San Diego last week picks the Chargers because, “I spent the whole week less than a block from Qualcomm Stadium.” Hmm, I wonder if he saw the Patriots putting up spy cams? Sara - “The Patriots will only win if the Chargers are kind enough to allow New England to tape them.” Devin rises above the cheating comments, “New England looked really good last week.”
SD: Grothaus, Bart NE: Mr. Normand, Barnes, Devin, Hunt, Sara, Luke
Washington @ Philadelphia (-7)
Still scratching my head over Philadelphia’s loss to Green Bay. They had the better defense, offense and coach, yet still managed to lose. Washington, at home, was able to beat the lowly Dolphins by a field goal. I’m still holding out hope for this Eagles team. If they lose this game, I’m jumping off the Philly train. Pick: Philadelphia
Bart shows that he is willing to stay consistent with his picks and comments, “Not only did the movie suck balls last week, but so did the team (Philadelphia).” Devin shows that he had no idea, “… flipped a coin.”
WAS: No one PHI: Everyone
Best of luck to everyone this week. I’m solely referring to those players on my fantasy team by the way.
Instead of ending with my normal sign off, I thought it would be more fitting to throw in another Cool Runnings quote.
“A gold medal is a wonderful thing, but if you are not enough without it, you will never be enough with it.”
Words to live by.
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