Saturday, October 25, 2008

2008 NFL ATS Pick 'Em: Week Eight

***NORM DUKE WON THE PBA WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP TODAY, WINNING HIS SIXTH MAJOR AND BECOMING THE FIRST BOWLER EVER TO WIN THREE CONSECUTIVE MAJORS!!

Go ahead. Curse me to the high heavens. I deserve it.

The blame should be placed squarely on my shoulders. The intro to week seven dealt with my hesitations about the pace our league was setting. I questioned whether the wins would continue to come as easily. I had severe doubts. Unfortunately for myself and the rest of the league, I was right.

Week seven was by far the most damaging to date. The best record was 8-6, tied by four members, two of which just took all the home teams. The more common sight was 6-8 or 5-9. The good news is the league experienced this together as a whole. No one jumped up from far back, although some ground was made. No one pushed ahead. Standings remained unaltered, except that the league got a nice taste of reality when it comes to ATS.

But that was in the past. We should be looking ahead. We are approaching the half-way point, which usually serves as a filter for the good and mediocre teams. Not so much in 2008. Right now there is one dominant team, the Tennessee Titans. Two playoff locks, the Pittsburgh Steelers and New York Giants. Three train-wrecks, the Detroit Lions, Cincinnati Bengals and Kansas City Chiefs. And everyone else. There is no separation. Can you say with certainty, besides Tennessee and Pittsburgh, who is going to win their division? You can’t.

Maybe Tom Brady is to blame. Perhaps the rash of injuries and suspensions in Dallas. Whatever or whomever the culprit, it has given us a wide-open league with endless Super Bowl possibilities and combinations. The NFL standings have carried over to our pick ‘em league as well. It is tighter than ever.

Lucius, once again, manages to lead the way, but this time he only has a one game lead over second (Justin) and two games over third (Josh). The greatest separation between spots is just a measly two games, meaning we are on the verge of a league shake-up. Time will tell who walks away victorious, but just like with the NFL this year, it should come down to the very last week.

I wouldn’t want it any other way.

QUOTE OF THE WEEK

Quote of the week winner returns, and the honor for week seven goes to … Alex Lucius.

“The only way St. Louis wins this game is if they pickup Ice Box from the Little Giants. Seeing as Ice Box is only 12 years old, I like Dallas.”

He beautifully wove humor with a great 90s movie reference along with his distaste for the Rams, who ended up winning straight-up. Congrats to Lucius, who now has two horses running in the Quote Of The Year derby.

The four members who went 8-6 and earned the best record for week seven were Bart Borer, Devin Frank, Justin Whelan, and Josh Florence. The former two just picked home teams, but it worked out well. Justin has now had at least a share of the league’s best record for three consecutive weeks. Josh meanwhile hasn’t earned this distinction since his remarkable 13-2 week-two run.

Onto the games. There are a tremendous amount of comments, which made this arguably the best post yet to date. Also, Polito flipped a coin for every game, because he says he has no luck in life. I disagree. He was lucky enough NOT to be born a Browns fan. Giddy up.

Oakland @ Baltimore (-7)
Two teams coming off surprising wins. Which one makes it two in a row? I’ll take the home team with the better defense.
My Pick: BAL (-7)

Devin: “Defense and run game are back in Baltimore.” If Trent Dilfer was still with us, he would be a proud man.

Kevin: “The NFL did this all wrong. This game should have been moved to next weekend for Halloween. Raiders fans act like it's Halloween every week. ‘The Raven’ is considered one of Edgar Allan Poe's darker poems, often read ON Halloween and was a part of one of the annual ‘Tree-house of Horrors’ episodes of ‘The Simpsons.’ And you can't tell me Al Davis wouldn't serve as a perfect Frankenstein-type monster. Joe Flacco's pale skin means he gets to be a ghost. And Ray Lewis could go as himself; he would just need a knife as a prop.” I figured Kevin would be back sometime soon with a strong e-mail, and he did not disappoint. With the second annual Skywalker’s coming up next week, Kevin is the front runner for the best e-mail of the year. He provided so much material, that he gets two quotes for several games.

Kevin (again): “Side note: Ray Lewis needs to get hurt to retire. Why you ask? He pleaded out of a murder case. One of the last times a high-profile NFL player didn't get convicted for murder charges brought against him was with O.J. Simpson, and look where he is now. If Ray Lewis retires, he should NOT own guns and should NOT go to Vegas. Ever. Period. For his sake. BUT, innocent until proven guilty. You feel that warmth in your heart? Yeah, that's patriotism.” Great minds think alike. On OCR with Devin last year, we talked about our most hated athletes in sports. Ray Lewis was in my top five.

Justin: “Baltimore sits at 13-4 ATS in home games when matching up against bad defenses that allow 5.5+ yds/play since 1992. 28-14 Ravens.” It appears as if Justin is fully entrenched with ATS fever. For some strange and bizarre reason, this excites me. Something tells me this is why I don’t have a girlfriend.

Jake: “Remember the movie the Cable Guy when Jim Carrey gracefully plummets from the satellite and almost kills himself by hitting the receiver, thereby blowing out everyone's signal and not letting anyone see the verdict of the big court case?? I hope someone does that this week so no one has to be forced into watching the Fighting Flaccos play this Cable Guy's team.” This may come as a surprise, but I have never seen that movie. Something tells me I am not missing much.

OAK: Josh, Polito, Bart, Jake

BAL: Lucius, Justin, Brian, Grothaus, Luke, Devin, Braves, Rapking, Kevin, Chewy, Shane, Jeff, Curtis, Sara, Bursa, Barnes

Arizona @ Carolina (-4.5)
All the trends point to the Panthers. My biggest mistake last week was not taking Carolina at home. If they lose, so be it, but I’m done going with my gut.
My Pick: CAR (-4.5)

Kevin: “Panthers eat Cardinals. Plus the cardinal is the state bird of Ohio, the site of the OSU-Penn State game this weekend. Panthers are similar to Nittany Lions, so hopefully the group of cats can take down things that stand for the state of Ohio.” Ohio is smack dab in the middle of Big Ten country, but the biggest game of the week is NOT the Ohio State vs. Penn State game. Sorry folks, it is between two undefeated top ten teams. Oklahoma State, ranked sixth, travels to take on the undefeated and undisputed top ranked Texas Longhorns. THIS is the game of the week. Don’t buy into the Ohio State propaganda, some of us are too far into the forest to see the trees.

Kevin (again): “Side note: The colors for the Wisconsin Badgers are cardinal and white. I don't think I've seen a cardinal here yet. I guess all the badgers ate them.” Yes, these are my friends.

Justin: “Carolina is a good team at home and I like them a lot here, but Arizona coming off a bye and not getting any love from the public (10%) is good enough for me to take these points. 28-24 Panthers.” Not me, I will never pick against the Panthers at home for the remainder of the season. I was in love with Carolina at the beginning of the season and I jumped off the bandwagon voluntarily. As President Bush famously stated ...



Jake: “The Panthers are dynamite at home, and going from the west to the east to play this year has been tough on all of the traveling teams.” I seem to recall the Cardinals giving up 56 to the New York Jets a couple weeks back.

ARI: Justin, Brian, Braves, Polito, Jeff

CAR: Lucius, Josh Grothaus, Luke, Devin, Rapking, Kevin, Chewy, Shane, Bart, Jake, Curtis, Sara, Bursa, Barnes

Tampa Bay @ Dallas (-3.5)
All of a sudden the Bucs became the more talented team here. The Cowboys are two losses away from firing Wade Phillips and signing Keyshawn Johnson and Daunte Culpepper to multi-year contracts.
My Pick: TB (+3.5)

Devin: “Back to my old ways, no confidence going with the win-win.” The line as of Thursday evening is down to -2, which tells me TB is getting the action. Brad Johnson looked miserable against the Rams last week, but who knows if the Bucs are really this good?

Jake: “It's too bad Gruden doesn't get the wild hair to bring back Rob Johnson for a game just to face off against Brad Johnson for Johnson superiority. Johnson superiority ... a game I'm sure Jeff Garcia must beat them all in. I mean, there must be some reason Carmella was willing to marry him...right?” It certainly was not for his looks.

Justin: “With the current line sitting at 1.5 I will take the points and the better team here in Tampa Bay. If Dallas pulls off the win, it’s by a late field goal. 20-17 Bucs.” Everything points to Tampa Bay, which makes me not like my pick so much. People tend to lose when they gamble.

Chewy: “Dallas just makes me angry.” Agreed. Dallas was going to be one of those safe teams. They were going to be one of the elite teams. Now, they might not make the playoffs. Who could have thunk that a month ago.

Kevin: “Wow Dallas, really? I heard a report today (I think it was on 'The Jim Rome Show') that Jerry Jones was at practice ‘working with’ Tony Romo to determine whether the QB would be second or third on the depth chart this week. Someone immediately called in to say that it wouldn't be far fetched to see Jerry Jones running routes since he's now working out with the team.

Not only would Jerry Jones's old ass in a football uniform be hilarious as hell, but it would also make for another great "football memory turned Disney movie like ‘Invincible’ and ‘Remember the Titans.’ I mean seriously, think of the movie trailer:

‘This Friday…’

Jones (playing himself) to Romo (played by Lance Bass): If you won't throw me the damn ball, I'll sign someone who WILL!

‘Owning the team …’

Jones to T.O. (played by Webster Slaughter): A bigger contract? Show me something on the field that I can't do myself!

‘Means owning the field.’

Jones (to a defender he burned after catching a touchdown pass during a game at home): Who put the ‘D’ in Dallas? ... Obviously not you!

‘From the producers of the Financial Crisis …’

John McCain (playing himself): The fundamentals of our economy are strong!

‘Jerry Jones ... Lance Bass ... Webster Slaughter ... and Chuck Norris …’

Chuck Norris, as Special Teams Coordinator (in the team huddle before the game): You know who invented the kickoff return for touchdown? I did. And if you let them think for a second that they did, I'll kill you... Cowboys on 3. 1! 2! 3! COWBOYS!!!

‘Mavericks: The Dallas Cowboys Story’

John Madden (playing himself): Now that there, he's a football owner!

‘Rated PG. In theaters Friday.’
- Fade to Black - ”

Hunt, after I finish up these quick three weeks of school, let’s write a movie/book/TV show/etc. I’m dead serious. Think about it, we have a history of writing grade A material. We created Allan Houston before he actually existed. No lie. I’m willing to go all in. It would be the final puzzle piece of our inevitable journey of becoming George and Jerry from Seinfeld.

TB: Justin, Brian, Grothaus, Luke, Braves, Rapking, Kevin, Chewy, Polito, Shane, Jeff, Bart, Jake, Bursa, Barnes

DAL: Lucius, Josh, Devin, Curtis, Sara

Washington (-8.5) @ Detroit
The Redskins don’t blow teams out. They also haven’t faced Detroit yet.
My Pick: WAS (-8.5)

KEVIN’S BALLBUSTER PICK OF THE WEEK (3-4): WAS (-8.5)

“It was the top of the fourth in Game One of the World Series. I took the team that was on top (usually the road team) in the fourth game listed. C'mon Clinton Portis.”

Devin: “Does Marinelli have a job after this week?” The scary part with this developing story is that the Lions still do not have a GM, yet they already traded Roy Williams, which is without a doubt trumps anything Matt Millen did for Detroit. They can’t fire their coach with no GM. Well, you wouldn’t think so.

Jake: “A lot of people are going with the Lionesses this week, but not me. Why?? Because I don't pick up on trends. And I refuse to believe the Redskins will play a third straight dud.” It seems you pick up on trends Jake; you just don’t seem to follow them.

Justin: “The Redskins have been solid this year, but haven’t destroyed anybody yet. There is no reason Detroit should be in this game, but I see them keeping this one close. This is another game where I will stay away from the public and go with the win-less Lions as things line up well for them. 31-28 Lions.” Justin, I can understand picking the Lions ATS, but to be the straight-up winner? Have you gotten the pleasure to watch any of their games yet this year? The Lions pride themselves on how terrible they are.

WAS: Josh, Brian, Grothaus, Luke, Devin, Braves, Rapking, Kevin, Chewy, Jeff, Curtis, Jake, Sara, Barnes

DET: Lucius, Justin, Polito, Shane, Bart, Bursa

Buffalo (-1.5) @ Miami
There is a reason Buffalo, despite a 5-1 record is only favored by fewer than two points. It is because these teams always play close games. Always.
My Pick: MIA (+1.5)

MAXINE HUNT PICK OF THE WEEK (0-7): MIA (+1.5)

“She needs some redemption and now has to run with the other Maxine Pick. Maxine Hunt is on the bus. Some Maxines are on the front of the bus. Some Maxines are on the back of the bus. Maxine Hunt is on the bus.

After randomly selecting a ‘straight up pick’ game last week and straight up picking the loser, using her ‘football pick’ method, Maxine is back to random reasons.

She chose the 5th game listed because they were watching ‘V for Vendetta’ at the time (and I'm going to see Saw V tomorrow, coincidence? We'll know Sunday). Then she took the Dolphins because she was by the fish tank (which is by the computer in our basement). ‘To hell with the football guesses.’ she says. Unfortunately Maxine didn't get the memo that they're now the Miami Wildcats.

She's taking MIA this week, and if she starts this year 0-8, the Maxine Hunt Pick of the Week might be M.I.A. for the rest of the year. Is this a threat? Yes it is.”

A few weeks back I made the Cleveland Browns comparison with Maxine Hunt, but now, she has out-paced herself from that reference. The ONLY thing that can even come close to what she is doing would be when the Dallas Mavericks started the 2006-07 season 0-4, which everyone thought was impossible. It should be remembered that the Mavs went on to win the next 12 in a row, and finished the year with a 67-15 record. Just five games behind the all-time record, 72-10 of the1995-96 Bulls (a record that may NEVER be broken).

Justin: “Look for the ‘phins to grab the W in the rain this week. These two clubs have always seemed to play close games in Miami, with the margin of victory being 6.8 in the last 5 contests. (Weather will even these teams out) 17 -14 Dolphins.” Justin is giving everyone a good glimpse at all he looks into before making his picks. 1) Teams ATS records. 2) Where the current line is placed. 3) The weather conditions. 4) Margin of victories and defeats. He deserves to do well. He reminds me of myself from last year. This year I am spending too much time writing this and not doing that.

Jake: “I think Buffalo's defense is better than Baltimore's and Baltimore put a spanking on the Dolphins.” Aw yes, the classic case of Team A beating Team B, but Team C being better than Team A, so Team C will easily beat Team B. My head hurts.

Chewy: “I just like the fact that Ricky Williams is playing football again.” I’m fairly certain Chewy has used this quote before, but regardless, it never gets old.

BUF: Brian, Grothaus, Devin, Braves, Rapking, Polito, Shane, Jeff, Curtis, Jake

MIA: Lucius, Justin, Josh, Luke, Kevin, Chewy, Bart, Sara, Bursa, Barnes

St. Louis @ New England (-7)
Last year this spread would have looked like this: St. Louis @ New England (-33). Just eight weeks in to the 2008 season and we can already begin to appreciate how special that 2007 Pats team was.
My Pick: NE (-7)

Devin: “Which NE team shows up?” How about, which St. Louis team shows up?

Chewy: “If they keep running the ball like they did next week look out. They don't even need Tom Brady.” That's what one game against the Denver Broncos will do for a team.

Kevin: “Those were the Pats we all remembered. But don't get me wrong, this is still a tough pick considering what the Rams did to the Cowboys last week. No Rodney Harrison could hurt New England, but I'm just going with the road-home swing for this game (both teams won big at home last week, but the Rams now go on the road).” If the Rams win this game, then in back-to-back weeks they will have defeated the two teams I picked to go to the Super Bowl two months ago. I would have given 1,000-1 odds of this taking place back in August.

Jake: “I heard Tom Brady's not playing this week. Sucks for the Pats. Oh well ... I think they'll bring down the resurgent Big-Horned sheep this week.” Congratulations Jake, you have a QOTW contender.

Justin: “Line opened at 4.5 and now is up to 9 at some places. Give me the Pats and the points here as St. Louis has a beat up Steven Jackson and Matt Cassel has finally found a connection with Moss after three weeks. 31-14 Pats.” Anyone else see where the Rams were denied hiring Jim Haslett if he won six games? The NFL loves to control everything.

STL: Rapking, Polito, Bart, Sara

NE: Lucius, Justin, Josh, Brian, Grothaus, Luke, Devin, Braves, Kevin, Chewy, Shane, Jeff, Curtis, Jake, Bursa, Barnes

San Diego (-3) @ New Orleans @ London @ Wembley Stadium
We are changing up the Mother’s Intuition Pick of the Week. Instead of picking Browns games, Maxine Florence (my mum) is going to pick a game that is particularly troubling me. This week it was the Chargers and Saints playing overseas in London. Both teams have been accurately labeled as “underachievers,” and both need to win this game.

Mother’s Intuition Pick Of The Week (0-1): NO (+3)

Maxine went with the Saints because she said the Chargers were not very good this year and felt the Saints should be favored.

Just let it be better than last time.

Bart: “English National Football Team. The Three Lions will win a thriller at Wembley.” This was his ACTUAL pick. He did not pick either the Chargers or the Saints. Bart usually picks the home teams, but since this particular game does not feature one, we will give him the team who gets the ball FIRST in the SECOND HALF. What would Bart’s response to this probably be? Fair enough.

Devin: “That is one nasty flight from SD to London.” It was an ugly game last year between the Giants and the Dolphins. Something tells me the same could happen again this time around.

Chewy: “Well I know like half of the Saints are doping, but half the Chargers probably are too. They just haven't been caught yet.” That’s right Chewy, I almost forgot. Several New Orleans Saints players, including Will Smith and Deuce McCallister failed a drug test recently. That is what one night with Ricky Williams will do to a man.

Jake: “Because, little do people know, Drew Brees actually grew up delivering papers on the streets of this grand old English city (that's how he got his arm), and because the Chargers infuriate me week in and week out.

Side note: Everyone else should pick San Diego because I almost guarantee I'm wrong on this pick.” I love the confidence.

Sara: "Yeah Europe! Bring all the games here! I was 96% going to this game, but then everything fell through and I wound up going to Amsterdam instead! My English friend Dan is going to the game though, boo! According to him the NFL is very big with the Brits! He's a Giants fan, but he said he'd absolutely love to go to a Browns game someday ... woo!" Could this be just the spark Sara needs to get back to the top? Time will tell.

Kevin: “Tampa Bay Rays' Jason Bartlett stole second base while I was typing up these picks. That meant everyone in America gets a free taco from Taco Bell on October 28th between 2 and 6 p.m. local time where you live. No one place was angrier at Bartlett than those at Taco Bell headquarters in Irvine, Calif.

I decided to take the team that played closest to that location, which would be San Diego. It also turns out that the Chargers will be one of two teams playing in the stadium farthest away from Irvine with the showdown in London against the Saints. I hope I'm not getting greedy wanting a free taco AND an ATS win.

I figure as long as I don't tell Taco Bell that my birthday is on November 31, I'll be OK.

This game will also take the cake for number of times I think to myself, ‘You sound like you're from London’ from ‘Forgetting Sarah Marshall.’ But I'm perfectly OK with that.” One of my favorite movie experiences was when Kevin and I saw this movie at the Athens theatre, while sneaking in several cans of beer. The best part was deciding when to crack them open. Sometimes it would be when there was loud music or a sufficient amount of laughter, other times when it was completely silent.



Justin: “San Diego sucks on the road and New Orleans can’t play any defense. I will take the points and question just how SD is going to play this week on the road in another country? 31-28 Saints.” There is very little doubt that the Saints need this game more than the Chargers. 8-8 could very well win the AFC West.

SD: Josh, Brian, Braves, Kevin, Chewy, Polito, Curtis, Sara, Barnes

NO: Lucius, Justin, Grothaus, Luke, Devin, Rapking, Shane, Jeff, Jake, Bursa

Kansas City @ New York Jets (-13)
Two touchdowns might be too much to ask from the Jets, but the Chiefs have no offense whatsoever. Two touchdowns might be ALL it takes for the New York to cover.
My Pick: NYJ (-13)

Devin: “Honest Question: What part of the bus is KC on now?” That makes two Herm Edwards “bus” references this week. I hope he lives forever.



Whenever I start to think about Herm Edwards, Jim Mora immediately comes to mind. The “diddily-poo” line always has me cracking up.





Kevin: “No Larry Johnson + this is the broadcast game that means I have to go to a bar to watch the Browns = 13-0 Jets.” It’s tough enough to watch the Browns these days, let alone having to go out to a bar in Madison. Hunt deserves some credit.

Jake: “Favre follows up ‘the most disappointing game of his career’ with another clunker. Meanwhile, his golden image continues to look more and more copperish. I'm starting to think he wants to just send me into a spiral of tears and despair.” Jake, welcome to the life of a regular Cleveland Browns fan. Tears and despair summed it up perfectly.

Justin: “I will continue to take KC and a lot of points because no matter how bad they are, this is the NFL and teams won’t continue to get blown out every week. At least I don’t think. Also, I could see KC back up running backs taking advantage of the opportunity to see the field. 17-7 Jets.” When did Larry Johnson become a handful? Did I miss something?

Chewy: “I am a man of my word.” No one is going to dispute that statement. Chewy “vowed” (pun) never to pick against a team getting double-digit points, unless the Rams or Bengals were involved.

KC: Justin, Josh, Brian, Chewy, Shane, Jake, Bursa, Barnes

NYJ: Lucius, Grothaus, Luke, Devin, Braves, Rapking, Kevin, Polito, Jeff, Curtis, Bart, Sara

Atlanta @ Philadelphia (-9)
I am still not sold on Atlanta and Matt Ryan. Last year it was this line of thinking with the Packers that hurt me, which means the Falcons will probably go all the way to the NFC Championship with me saying, “I’m still not sold on them.”
My Pick: PHI (-9)

Devin: “Philly is overrated and that is way too many points.” When did nine become too many points? Remember last year when the Pats were faced with covering 20+ points on the road? We all still picked New England. How times have changed.

Kevin: “Say it with me now ... ‘Bri-an West-brook! Clap, clap, clap clap clap'.” 5-1 odds say Westbrook is out by half-time.

Jake: “The Golden Boy looks awfully good with a rejuvenated line and a Burner in the backfield. Although, I'm pretty sure in real life, an Eagle would tear a Falcon to little bits, and then do it again just because he's bored.” Or because he is trying to cover the spread. Thank you ladies and gentlemen, I’ll be here all night.

Justin: “While I like the Falcons and my gut tells me to take these points, I can’t help but take Philly here knowing that coming off a bye week they are 9-0 SU and 7-2 ATS, allowing on average just over 8 points/game. 28-13 Eagles.” Look at those statistics! With this single week alone, Justin has proven to me that he is in it to win it. Also, when I get my podcast up and running, I will be calling him to talk ATS as well. Count it.

ATL: Josh, Brian, Devin, Braves, Rapking, Shane, Jeff, Curtis, Bart, Jake, Barnes

PHI: Lucius, Justin, Grothaus, Luke, Kevin, Chewy, Polito, Sara, Bursa

Cleveland @ Jacksonville (-6.5)
Come on without. Come on within. You have not seen nothing like the Mighty Quinn.
My Pick: JAX (-6.5)

Chewy: “Give the ball to Jamal!” Fire Romeo! Fire Phil Savage! Start Brady Quinn! Hire Bill Cowher! I could go on for a while.

Devin: “I heart Romeo. He makes at least one call a game that brings me a bit closer to the end and I'm not even a browns fan.” If anyone has ever heard Derek Anderson talk then you will know that this following formula makes sense. DA + Romeo + Two-minute drill = plane crash waiting to happen. My brother Josh makes quicker decisions on his final exams. Goodness.

Jake: “Can the Brownies stop the run?? Clinton Portis says no, although they still kept the game close. I don't care. I'm betting that two good backs in Jacksonville will give me 6.5, whereas one in Washington could only get me a measly 3.” Clinton Portis is good. So is Maurice Jones-Drew. The Browns have trouble stopping the run. I don’t like where this is going.

Kevin: “Will the Browns win? Maybe not. But they kept it close on the road at Washington and Jacksonville hasn't played in a game this season decided by more than seven points.

Better yet, do you remember the last time the Browns played at Jacksonville? I'll give you a hint, that game came in the same year that Cleveland started 2-4 AND made the playoffs in the same season. 2002. And the Brownies beat the Jags on the road 21-20 that year. Just saying …” The Jags and Browns have always played some interesting ball games. Joe Barrett and myself attended the game in Cleveland the last time these two squads met up. It was Charlie Frye’s first start. Or as I refer to it, the beginning of the end.



And of course there was the beer bottle game.


Justin: “While the Browns have been disappointing to say the least this year, they are still 14-4 ATS in their last 18 and 8-2 ATS following a loss. Plus, I plan on winning this poll without ever picking against my brown and orange. With Dick Enberg calling the game, look for Lawrence Vickers to convert six third downs and for Donte’ Stallworth to score two touchdowns. Go Browns. 24-21 Browns.” I loathe Dick Enberg. However, with the ever-looming possibility of the Brady Quinn Era getting under way, the question becomes, “Who will call his first TD throw?” My guess is, unfortunately, Dick Enberg. Week 13 at home versus the Colts. Jared and I will be present and my life will be complete.

CLE: Lucius, Justin, Josh, Brian, Rapking, Kevin, Chewy, Polito, Shane, Curtis, Sara

JAX: Grothaus, Luke, Devin, Braves, Jeff, Bart, Jake, Bursa, Barnes

New York Giants @ Pittsburgh (-3)
Super Bowl preview? Naw. Just a couple of teams who will be in the playoffs, nothing more, nothing less.
My Pick: PIT (-3)

Kevin: “A wise person once said, ‘When you start betting on your hopes, that's when you're gonna lose.’ Well screw that wise guy.” The betting on your hopes aspect is never more relevant than it is with ATS. Believe it.

Jake: “Because Eli is the new Peyton. Wow ... that's funny to write and to look at. Not quite as funny as watching Josh Febus get a concussion for the Bobcats on a botched field goal though. But anyway ... Eli's not Peyton, but his O-Line will allow him to make plays, whereas Big Ben will probably be sacked seven or eight times.” Those Bobcats are miserable. You can just tell they want this season to be over.

Justin: “In a match-up of 5-1’s I will take the Giants getting 3. Maybe someone will finally rip Hines Ward’s head off? 24-20 Giants.” Spoken like a true Browns fan. Although I must admit, I have always enjoyed Hines Ward. He plays hard, obviously enjoys it, and talks a little smack. Nothing wrong with that.

NYG: Justin, Josh, Brian, Devin, Braves, Kevin, Chewy, Shane, Curtis, Bart, Jake, Sara, Bursa

PIT: Lucius, Grothaus, Luke, Rapking, Polito, Jeff, Barnes

Seattle @ San Francisco (-4.5)
Should I take the points or go with the home team? After considerable thought, I’m going with the 49ers because Lucius has mentioned Alcatraz several times this season. And well, he is in first.
My Pick: SF (-4.5)

Justin’s Week Eight Triple-H Candlestick Lock (0-0): San Francisco (-4.5)

“The Niners have been disappointing this year, but the Seahawks have been even worse. 31-14 49’ers.”

San Francisco has been disappointing the last several years and the Seahawks are having open tryouts for wide-receivers and quarter-backs. No prior experience necessary.


Kevin: “Still hate J.T. O'Sullivan. But considering I've never really had a reason, I decided I'd go and search for it. I knew it was subconsciously and mysteriously there, but I couldn't figure it out.

I was really close to clearing him to be honest. According to the always reliable Wikipedia, then Head Coach Mike Nolan even appeared on KNBR's 'Murph and Mac Show' on my 23rd birthday to announce that JTO moved into the lead for the 49ers starting quarterback job.

But then I found my reason. It was instinctive. J.T. stands for John Tremain, similar to the main character of a book with the same title, 'Johnny Tremain' by Esther Forbes that we had to read in grade school. I didn't choose it then and there's no way I'm choosing John Tremain now. Glad that's settled.” Lord did I hate reading that book. Also, from now on, there are two ways a member of this league can reference J.T. O'Sullivan. One, you can call him "the artist formally known as JTO" or you can go with "Johnny Tremain O'Sullivan." Your choice.

Jake: “Because J.T. O'Sullivan is greater than Seneca Wallace. Now ... if William Wallace plays ... it's Seahawks in a rout. And we'll be treated to public indecency for flashing before and after the win.” Wikipedia tells me that there are several William Wallaces and I don’t know which one Jake is talking about. Someone care to fill me in?

SEA: Josh, Brian, Grothaus, Devin, Kevin, Bart, Bursa

SF: Lucius, Justin, Luke, Braves, Rapking, Chewy, Polito, Shane, Jeff, Curtis, Jake, Sara, Barnes

Cincinnati @ Houston (-10)
Ryan Fitzpatrick on the road? Am I really doing this? Who would steal 30 packed lunches?
My Pick: CIN (+10)

Devin: “Another team with a lame duck coach but ten points is too much to give to the Texans.” It’s all a matter of how comfortable you are with the favorite.

Kevin: “I think the last time Houston was favored by ten points Earl Campbell was the running back.” Hunt puts up a QOTW nominee. Great stuff, although Warren Moon called me and said he would like a word with you.

Kevin (again): “Also, my apologies about denying the fact that the Texans won a game BEFORE last week. It was a mistake that made myself and KOA look bad. I pledge from here on out to make sure my statements are at least partially accurate before posting them. In fact, there should be a Kevin Hunt level of accuracy. It's not completely accurate, just accurate enough to be funny or made fun of.” Would you believe he is a news producer ladies and gentlemen?

Justin: “A lot of people are on the Bengals and I think I am with them. Give me the points and I’ll hope for the best. This one could go either way. 21-17 Texans.” I wonder what Kevin would think of Justin “hoping” for the best?

Chewy: “It has to happen eventually and why not against a mediocre team like Houston.” That seems to be the common thought process with this game.

CIN: Justin, Josh, Brian, Luke, Devin, Braves, Rapking, Chewy, Bart, Jake, Bursa, Barnes

HOU: Lucius, Grothaus, Kevin, Polito, Shane, Jeff, Curtis, Sara

Indianapolis @ Tennessee (-4)
Biggest game of the week. Enough of the “is Tennessee for real?” talk. They are the best team in football right now. They are healthy, they can run the ball better than anyone, and they have the best defense in the league. Four points at home? You have to pick Tennessee here.
My Pick: TEN (-4)

Devin: “I hate Peyton Manning. It’s official.” One of the many memories I have from our initial trip to Las Vegas was Peyton Manning single-handedly ruining Devin’s four team teaser. Devin obviously, does not forget.

Kevin: “This line makes you wonder if the Colts are supposed to break out this week or something. I'm considering pulling the ‘you can't stay undefeated for this long in the NFL’ card (throw out the 2007 Patriots), but the Titans look very good while the Colts struggle with the likes of the Packers.” I tried using that card last week Hunt, didn’t work. I’ve learned my lesson.

Kevin (again): “I should take this time to note that last week, even with the Ballbuster Pick of the Week, I went against the Ken Jones Theory that is simply, 'Back the Pack cause the Pack is Back!' Why did I let myself do this? I'm considering a similar ban as I have with the Browns. From now on I choose my Ballbuster Picks/Maxine Hunt picks randomly from a list of games that doesn't include the Browns or the Packers. Will it help? I sure hope so.” Didn’t he just get done saying screw the ‘betting on your hopes’ guy?

Jake: “Did you see what the Green Bay defense did to Indy last week? Tennessee's defense is much, much better and less injured.” A word of caution. Division games, especially one of this magnitude, tend to be closer than people predict.

Chewy: “I just don't know about the Colts this year, but I don't think the Titans can keep all this winning up.” Proof positive that the Titans might be the most over-looked 6-0 teams in the history of the NFL.

Justin: “Yes, the Titans are unbeaten SU and ATS this year. They also have covered all four games against the Colts dating back to 2004. However, the Colts sit at 6-0 ATS against stellar defensive teams who give up 14 or less points/game the past 3 seasons. Something has to give. I’m going to continue to go against Tennessee, as this is a much bigger game for the Colts and their chances of winning another AFC South crown. Give me Peyton and the points. (Colts 5-0 ATS in last 5 Monday night contests) 20-13 Colts.” Justin, I apologize for not giving you a QOTW nominee, but just wait until next week when I hand out some half-way hardware. Well done.

IND: Justin, Josh, Brian, Grothaus, Braves, Rapking, Chewy, Polito, Curtis, Bart, Sara, Barnes

TEN: Lucius, Luke, Devin, Kevin, Shane, Jeff, Jake, Bursa

CHEW ON THIS - VOL. VII. - By: Andrew Reinhart
“Just a little not on my Broncos this week. I predict that we will have our best defensive performance of the season this week.”

Well it certainly can’t be any worse than it was last week. That was a bit ridiculous. They made Sammy Morris look like Jim Brown.

PO‘S KNOWLEDGE DROPPING - Week Seven in Review - By: Ryan Polito
"Most Dominant:

Tampa Bay Rays - One of the best stories in MLB history. Turning a last place 2007 season into a 2008 AL championship season. They are the lowest payroll team to ever make the World Series, being 29th in baseball in the payroll category. Joe Maddon is easily the manager of the year this year, and anyone who doesn’t vote for him lives in Boston or New York. As I’m writing this they are tied 1-1 in the World Series with Philly. I’m rooting hard for Tampa Bay to represent baseball as the World Champs.

Least Dominant:

A balloon - This wasn’t just any normal balloon, this was a balloon that pissed off a lot of people last Sunday. During the Bills-Chargers game last week the national anthem was played followed by some idiot on the field releasing hundreds of red, white, and blue balloons into the air. Well all but one of those balloons made it to the heavens above. One red balloon decided to be a hard ass and get stuck in a power unit at the top of the stadium cause a power outage and a massive delay. The game was delayed twice for several minutes and the CBS video power was shot. People in Buffalo and San Diego had no access to their teams game and were instead shown another CBS game that day. All thanks to a red balloon. Hilarious.

Others receiving votes for least dominant:

Fat NFL players - For taking the ‘water pill’ and more than likely being suspended for four games because of it. I’ll probably have more on this story next week because only four players have been named so far. The drug is apparently used to help players lose weight.

Mike Nolan - If you get fired ... you are going on least dominant ... end of story.

Fun Fact of the Week:

I want to regain some credibility here and explain last weeks fun fact about Kellen Winslow. He had staph infection and apparently one of the side effects was the thing I discussed last week. So he did indeed have both sicknesses to deal with in the hospital. Just had to clear that up in case anyone thought I made up what I said last week. Now on to this week’s fun fact ...

- It takes 3,000 cows to supply the NFL with enough leather for a year's supply of footballs.

Thank you. And see you next week. Go Steelers.”

EDITOR'S NOTE:

We all know that Sunday's in the fall are all about NFL football, but let me divert your attention elsewhere at 1 pm EST Sunday on ESPN.

Yeah it's bowling, but hear me out.

Norm Duke is attempting to make history. He is my favorite bowler, and he should be yours as well.

The 2008 PBA season gets underway this week, and similar to tennis, they start with a major. The first tournament is the Denny's World Championship, the first of four majors on the PBA tour. The televised final will consist of four bowlers. The two semi-final matches will determine who battles for the World Championship.

Norm Duke will be one of those four bowlers.
Norm struggled the first half of the 2007 season, and it got so bad he was on the verge of not automatically qualifying for the 2008 tour. However, he turned it around by winning the final two majors, completing the "Career Grand Slam." He is just one of six bowlers to accomplish that feat. If he wins Sunday, he will stand alone in history.

No professional bowler has EVER won three majors in a row, period. If Norm Duke can win two matches Sunday, he can be the first and the ONLY bowler to pull off that tremendous feat.

So, Sunday afternoon when you have the TV on and are checking the scores of the games, flip it over to ESPN and see how Duke is doing. For Pittsburgh, Cleveland and Cincinnati fans, our games don't start until 4 pm EST, so pre-game by watching Duke.

Know this, I will be watching, probably on pins and needles with every throw. Norm Duke is one of my top five favorite sporting figures of all-time. History could be made tomorrow. Don't miss it.

That's all she wrote this week. Thanks to those who got their picks in on time. Justin, Jake, Kevin, Polito, Devin, and Chewy, thanks for another solid week of comments. The more of those, the better the blog. The work is appreciated.

Until next time, "read it, roll it, hole it." Go Norm Duke!

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Skywalker's Favorite October Videos

Did not have the time or a great idea for a mid-week column, so instead I decided to post some of my favorite videos from the greatest month of 'em all, October.

Let's get right into it.

LOST doesn't make it's highly anticipated return until late January, but filming has been going on since August. Here is the very first official trailer for season five including some actual clips.



When I first saw this I became, for the lack of a better term, really excited. Probably as excited as I was on the day when Brady Quinn got drafted. Which leads flawlessly into the next video. Got to love transitions.

I am not a big FOX News fan. In fact, most of the stuff they report on is utter garbage, especially with their motto being "fair and balanced." The crazy stuff is that there are people out there who rely on FOX News for all of their information, and take it on face value. It's not as much crazy as just downright scary.

Nonetheless, one of the best things that network has ever done involved Brady Quinn. This interview takes place just before draft day back in April of 2007. Make sure you check out his pass at the end.



What a perfect pass! The guy didn't even move an inch and the ball hit him straight in the chest. I was so fired up the first time I saw this clip. Even though the present looks ugly for the Cleveland Browns, the future, looks unquestionably bright.

Some of my readers have been a bit confused by my "where we chop all of our action, and mostly power" currently on top of the page. Well, it comes from my favorite show on television right now. Yes, I said favorite RIGHT NOW, which will put it above The Office. Sorry, but this show is almost perfect. Yes, these clips are going to be out of context, but worth checking out. It's the funniest show I've ever watched.



That was Charlie Pace, and he is my favorite character by far. The next clip is a continuation of the first. Mac and Charlie battle each other over the Bible's message.



Here is the infamous "chopping action" clip. The first clip sets the table, and then the second delivers the golden line. The gang is involved in a dance marathon, with the winner getting ownership of their bar.





Now Charlie sings his "Night Man" song.



Which led him to write his even better "Day Man" song.



One of my favorite episodes is where The Gang as they are called, have to do community service and coach two youth basketball teams. Here they pick teams.



This show was created with me in mind, I must admit. It's damn near perfect. If LOST has a bad season, It's Always Sunny could pass it. Now I doubt that will happen, but I'm just throwing it out there.

Okay, moving on. There's no question about my loyalty to Bill Simmons. He is one of the people who inspired me to pursue a career in writing. He has a podcast, which one can listen to over on my sidebar, and here is its' introduction song, which was created by Ronald Jenkees, who is nothing short of amazing.



He is certainly one of a kind, and here is his latest remix.



Switching gears completely, some of you may remember my Skywalker's Top 40 list from two years ago. Number two was Andre Agassi, and my favorite Agassi moment took place when he won the Cincinnati Masters which was the first professional tennis event I attended. Here are some highlights from the semi-final night match between Andre and Andy Roddick.



It was high quality tennis from the onset (the very first highlight is the very first point) and it was a moment I will never forget. Also, Kwame and I developed a quasi-relationship with MaliVai Washington (who was the color commentator) during the tourney and I asked him who he thought was going to win this match. He replied, "Roddick in three." I told him to prepare for the upset. Luke 1, MaliVai 0.

Yes the Browns are going nowhere this season, and won't be heading in a positive direction until some serious changes are made. In spite of these dark times, let me take everyone back to the days of William Green.



After that game the Browns were 9-7 and lucked into the playoffs when Chad Pennington and the New York Jets torched the Green Bay Packers. I was a huge Green fan, and his jersey was the very first one I ever bought. God help me.

And finally, I leave you with the greatest baseball managerial rant ever recorded. His name is Earl Weaver. WARNING, the language is uncensored.



The "your crew is here for one reason" line is awesome. Also, Eddie Murray looks good in the supporting role as well.

Okay, that's enough from me, hope you enjoy these clips. King of Arguments will be back on Sunday afternoon with our week eight picks. Stay safe everyone.

Until next time, "read it, roll it, hole it."

Sunday, October 19, 2008

2008 NFL ATS Pick 'Em: Week Seven

Remember the closing sequences of Cool Runnings? The scene when the Jamaicans are on their final sled run and are going way too fast for the upcoming turns. Well, that is about the only thing I can think of with regards to this NFL Pick ‘Em season.

We are going at an incredible rate with regards to records and standings.

For example, last year resulted in six of the eight members finishing above .500 (an impressive feat considering one is picking against the spread). By increasing the league’s size to 20, it could easily be understood that trying to duplicate that 75% over .500 mark would be difficult.

Guess again.

Through six weeks just four lonely members are under .500, which is just utterly ridiculous.

Currently this league is sitting an 80% clip, which is just utterly ridiculous.

However, it makes sense because this season has been well, utterly ridiculous.

The New England Patriots might not even make the playoffs, and no one would be surprised. The Tennessee Titans are 4-0 with Kerry Collins running the plays. The Arizona Cardinals just defeated the mighty Dallas Cowboys. The Miami Dolphins offense is (gulp) productive.

What is going on?

Alex Lucius leads the league for the fourth consecutive week and his 56-32 record is three full games clear of the field. Last year at this point, first place had 48 wins. This year? Not so much. Jeff, Devin, Shane, and Kevin are all around the 48 win mark and are in the bottom HALF of this league. Without doing any research at all, it is fair to assume this is one of the best ATS leagues with regards to records out there. Just incredible.

Key point to remember. That Jamaican sled could not keep up with its’ blazing pace. They crashed right before the finish line. For those who feel they are too far behind and believe they are out of it, do not lose hope. As Andy Dufresne told his friend Red, “hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies.”

Congrats goes out to Justin Whelan for catching fire recently, posting back-to-back 11 win weeks. It has vaulted him to second place, where he sits all by himself. Justin has admitted to catching ATS pool fever. Which leads me to …

Quotes of the week are all caught up after our two-week hiatus, and there is a stiff amount of competition for week seven honors.

Before we head to the picks, we need to take a second and keep Jake Young’s parents in all of our thoughts and prayers. Jake assured me they would be fine, but they were involved in a motorcycle accident a few days ago. Jake, hope everything gets better real quick. Just for you. Go Pack Go.

Tennessee (-8) @ Kansas City

How about the new graphics? Pretty impressive eh? After a two-week delay, we are back in full force for week seven. We have a new pick of the week, three special segments and 14 games to choose from.

Also, K.O.A. is not going to go down quietly. The defending champs are in it to win it. Last year it was a spreadsheet, which was analyzed thoroughly after six weeks that helped vault the King of Arguments to the top. The idea is for the same thing to go down this year.

There is very little question at this current point with regards to the best team in the NFL. It is the Tennessee Titans. Their defensive unit is the best “unit” in the entire league. That being said, they won’t win every single game, and could reasonably finish around 11-5 without anyone being a bit surprised. This is their biggest spread they have had to cover to date, and the last time Kansas City was getting points at home, they won straight up against Denver. Even without Larry Johnson, the Chiefs manage to cover.
My Pick: KC (+8)

Let’s get in to the comments. Alex Lucius, Matt Barnes, Kevin Hunt, and Andrew Reinhart are your four participants.

Lucius: “Chiefs, because KC Barbecue potato chips are delicious.” What a way to start the week. Buckle in, because Lucius is back in full form. Not sure if that helps his record, but it’s great to read.

Barnes: “Remember when Vince Young being crazy was the biggest sports story? Man, those were the days.” I’m still not sure I comprehended all that went down with Young. I do know that Jeff Fisher is pleased it did.

Kevin: “I wish I could pick Herm Edwards.” Don’t we all Hunt? I do wish to apologize to Hunt directly, because last week his comments were just downright amazing. It’s a long season and there is no doubt in my mind that there will be a repeat performance.

Chewy: “Croyle's return will have an immediate impact, and I think KC will play well at home after the bye week.” What did the Chiefs to last year after their bye? Well they were 4-3, had a home game against the Packers and were defeated 33-22. They didn’t win a game the rest of the season, dropping nine in a row. All of a sudden I don’t like my pick so much.

TEN: Brian, Josh, Grothaus, Rapking, Shane, Jeff, Kevin, Jake, Barnes, Sara

KC: Lucius, Justin, Braves, Luke, Chewy, Polito, Devin, Curtis, Bart, Bursa

San Diego @ Buffalo (PK)
The Chargers are a different team on the road. If it were not for a late LaDainian Tomlinson TD against Oakland they would not have covered a single road contest. On the flip side, Buffalo has not lost a game at home (2-0) and are coming off a bye.
My Pick: BUF (PK)

Maxine Hunt Pick Of The Week (0-6): SD (PK)

“Now she's just making a football guess. This is a pick, not a guess. This is serious football time now.”

Well Hunt, in just a few games get ready for the battle of Maxine’s to begin. We all knew this was prone to happen. Somewhere Randy and Big John are cracking open their favorite beers, talking Browns, lasers, and the latest developments in their golf game. Oh what a wonderful world.

Lucius: “Chargers. Because Grothaus likes the Bills.” Lucius trying to get his second quote of the week honor. This one will be tough to top.

Barnes: “Who would've thought when the season that this would be a pick 'em game ATS? Ridiculous.” Some would say, utterly ridiculous.

Chewy: “Coming off the bye week at home Buffalo is a tempting pick, but they were embarrassed by Arizona before the bye week and have given up a lot of points to bad teams like the Raiders. The Super Chargers are on the rise.” I hear ya Chewy, but there is something about traveling all the way across the country to a cold place to play a feisty and well-rested Bills squad. We shall see.

SD: Lucius, Brian, Grothaus, Braves, Chewy, Rapking, Polito, Shane, Jeff, Kevin, Curtis, Jake, Barnes, Sara, Bursa

BUF: Justin, Josh, Luke, Devin, Bart

Pittsburgh (-9.5) @ Cincinnati
All signs point to Cincinnati as far as ATS goes. Pittsburgh has played divisional foes close all season and only once have they beaten an opponent by more than nine points. However, a great majority of these picks comes down to comfort level. Ryan Fitzpatrick again? Pittsburgh getting healthy after a much-needed bye week?
My Pick: PIT (-9.5)

THE PROMISE'S PROMISE (1-4): CIN (+9.5)

“The Bengals are playing teams close, despite their pathetic offense. No Willie Parker means the Bengals have a shot to slow down the running game. And above all, this is the early game I get in Augusta. So I just hope it's close.”

Lucius: “Cincy. Because I like Bart, and he lives close to Cincy.” Aww, how sweet. Hold on, let me go grab a tissue.

Kevin: “Pittsburgh off a bye week playing a banged up Bengals team. But don't get me wrong, I want Cincy to pull it out.” That’s what she said … or he said.

Chewy: “I would like to refute Alex's week two quote of the week. The Bengals are making me think that France would probably beat two football teams.” What’s a quick way to get a QOTW? Reference a former winner. Well played Chewy.

PIT: Justin, Grothaus, Braves, Luke, Chewy, Polito, Shane, Jeff, Kevin, Curtis, Jake, Sara

CIN: Lucius, Brian, Josh, Rapking, Devin, Barnes, Bart, Bursa

Baltimore @ Miami (-3)
Baltimore could not beat Miami last season when Miami was an historically bad team, handing the Dolphins their only win of the 2007 campaign. The Ravens are headed in the wrong direction, and Miami should keep it that way.
My Pick: MIA (-3)

Barnes: “Willis McGahee and Ray Lewis return to the "U" and I hope they get ‘O’wned.” I wouldn’t expect anything less from Barnes.

Kevin: “I motion to rename the team in Florida the Miami Wildcats. Run this formation all the time and suddenly a typical four-wide shotgun or I-formation set becomes odd.” Motion granted. In other news, Cam Cameron (Baltimore’s Offensive Coordinator) makes a return to Miami. Here’s to hoping Teddy Ginn returns three punts for TD’s.

Chewy: “Baltimore's line is banged up, and, as much as I love the fullback position, it is never good news when your fullback is your leading rusher. I like Miami to win this one handily.” Teddy Ginn is going to show Troy Smith just how valuable Heisman Trophies are in the NFL.

BAL: Lucius, Brian, Grothaus, Rapking, Jeff, Curtis, Bursa

MIA: Justin, Josh, Braves, Luke, Chewy, Polito, Shane, Devin, Kevin, Jake, Barnes, Sara, Bart

Dallas (-7) @ St. Louis
This might be the toughest game to pick.

Here is what we know:
- The Cowboys have not covered a game since week three, losing their last three.
- The Rams just beat the Washington Redskins on the road last week.
- The Cowboys are banged up and had a complete mess of a week.
- Roy Williams typically hurts your chances of covering games.

Here is what we don’t know:
- Will Tony Romo play?
- Can the Rams build off their week six victory?
- Is anyone listening to me?

At the end of the day, I’d much rather stay with the Cowboys. They have enough talent on that team to recover from a disastrous week. They only need to win by a touchdown.
My Pick: DAL (-7)

Lucius: “The only way St. Louis wins this game is if they pickup Ice Box from the Little Giants. Seeing as Ice Box is only 12 years old, I like Dallas.” Is it too soon to give out quote of the year? This did get me thinking … Shawna Waldron is the actor who played Ice Box. She is 26 years old and still acting. Shawna was even nominated for a Young Artists Award in 2000 for her performance in the critically acclaimed TV series “Ladies Man.
Ice Box grew up. Wow.

Barnes: “I have my own opinion of how Romo broke his pinkie. Think he got a little too ambitious with Jessica's ... well you know (yep, don’t even care there is a girl or dad in this league).” I think he was going to finish that sentence like this: “with Jessica’s icebox.”

Kevin’s Random Thought For The Week

“Did the phrase ‘coming out party’ take on a completely different meaning after ‘coming out of the closet’ became common to describe someone openly expressing being homosexual? And did the latter phrase make anyone think twice about where they hid for surprise birthday celebrations? I just hope the next pop culture phrase describing a revelation of homosexuality isn't ‘jumping out from behind the couch’ or the surprise birthday might go extinct.” Yep, he is going to be the crazy uncle, no doubt.

Chewy: “Romo is hurt, and the Cowboy's secondary is in pieces. But, the Rams suck, period, and Brad Johnson has never lost a game to them. I think Terrell Owens is going to have a great rest of the season especially with Roy Williams distracting some of the secondary's attention away from him.” The random ridiculous statistic of the week goes to Chewy. Brad Johnson has never lost to the Rams? How is that possible? Kurt Warner is fuming.

DAL: Lucius, Justin, Brian, Josh, Grothaus, Braves, Luke, Chewy, Rapking, Shane, Jeff, Curtis, Jake, Barnes

STL: Polito, Devin, Kevin, Sara, Bart, Bursa

Minnesota @ Chicago (-3)
How deflating must that loss to the Falcons last week been for the Bears? That game was over, yet their decision to squib kick at the end doomed them. Don’t really have a clue what will happen between these two Norris Division rivals, but Minnesota has flip-flopped wins and losses the last several weeks. They are due for a win.
My Pick: MIN (+3)

Barnes: “Let the misery of living in Chicago continue!” It could be worse. People could live in Seattle.

Kevin: “Orton will have confidence enough to lead this team, especially at home.” Too … many … jokes.

Chewy: “I think the Vikings will win this one big. The Vikings don't want to lose going into the bye week, and remember Peterson ripped them for 224 yards the last lime they met.” I do wonder however, if the Bears remember that performance as well?

MIN: Justin, Brian, Braves, Luke, Chewy, Jake, Barnes, Sara

CHI: Lucius, Josh, Grothaus, Rapking, Polito, Shane, Devin, Jeff, Kevin, Curtis, Bart, Bursa

New Orleans @ Carolina (-3)
Carolina looks great at home and impressively bad on the road. New Orleans on the other hand? They are still not quite healthy, although Drew Brees looked untouchable last week. Don’t you hate it when there are competing trends? The smart pick would be Carolina, but nonetheless, I am still three games better than my pace set last year, so …
My Pick: NO (+3)

Barnes: “Toss-up game of the week for me. Carolina is good at home but I think the Saints are turning the corner.” Something tells me Barnes got an advance screening of my column this week.

Kevin: “The Panthers got embarrassed at Tampa Bay last weekend. Big bounce back game for them and I don't trust the Saints on the road.” This would be the safe pick ladies and gentlemen.

Chewy: “I think the Panthers and the Saints both told us volumes about themselves last week, but we will see for sure this week. One win will put either of these teams at the top of their division. I think the Saints have a lot more potential in them especially with McAllister returning to full health, and we have already seen the best of the Panthers this year.” Great comment Chewy. You are right, this is a key game for the all-off-a-sudden competitive NFC South. The Saints are currently in last place and the Panthers want to keep them there. This division race should go undecided all the way to week 17.

NO: Brian, Josh, Grothaus, Braves, Luke, Chewy, Polito, Shane, Jeff, Curtis, Jake, Barnes

CAR: Lucius, Justin, Rapking, Devin, Kevin, Sara, Bart, Bursa

San Francisco @ New York Giants (-10.5)
The 49ers have lost by the following amounts the past three weeks, 14, 9, 14. Meanwhile, the Giants will be looking to blow off some steam after last week’s Monday Night debacle.
My Pick: NYG (-10.5)

Kevin: ‘The Browns are that good. And I still hate J.T. O'Sullivan.” Yet you are still riding the Kyle Orton train? Am I missing something?

Chewy: “I will not pick for another spread of over ten points this year unless it is against the Rams or the Bengals.” What if the Cowboys were facing the Lions? I bet you’d take the Cowboys. No?

Barnes: “According to Emmitt Smith, the Cleveland game was a trap game for the Giants. The same guy also said the guy who made the song ‘Mama Said Knock You Out’ was L Cool JJ.” And Barnes is on the board for possible QOTW.

Take a break and enjoy some Emmitt.



SF: Lucius, Chewy, Rapking, Polito, Shane, Bursa

NYG: Justin, Brian, Josh, Grothaus, Braves, Jeff, Devin, Kevin, Curtis, Jake, Barnes, Sara, Bart

Detroit @ Houston (-9)
My apologies to anyone who has to watch this game for work purposes or has a relative actually playing. This one could be ugly. The Texans and the Lions have combined for just one win and have only covered once each. In situations like this, take the points.
My Pick: DET (+9)

Lucius: “There is no real winner in this game. It's like me and Bart having an eating contest. Whoever wins is still chubby and feels like they will die.” I have no words.

Barnes: “This may be the best shot Detroit has at winning a game this year ... and yep, I'm picking Houston still.” Quick glance at Detroit’s schedule reveals that the Lions should start preparation now to draft another WR with a top-five pick in the upcoming NFL draft.

Kevin: “I almost want to pick the Lions in this one just hoping these teams will tie and not get a win this season. But Houston should win big.” Well the Texans already have a win, but I like where your head is at. Last tie in the NFL was back in 2002 when the Falcons and Steelers both put up goose eggs in the extra period.

Chewy: “I like what Slaton has been doing on the ground for the Texans, the Schaub to Johnson connection is there, and Super Mario is starting to sack the QB a lot again. I like Houston to win big at home.” So is ten just the magical number? I realize I am posing a plethora of questions, but, this is what we do.

DET: Lucius, Brian, Josh, Luke, Shane, Jake, Bart, Bursa

HOU: Justin, Grothaus, Braves, Chewy, Polito, Devin, Jeff, Kevin, Curtis, Barnes, Sara

New York Jets (-3) @ Oakland
One of those dangerously low spreads. Almost too low. It gets to the point where you tend to out-think yourself. Not going to happen here. Oakland has failed to cover at home. Enough said. Yes, we are going with Occam’s Razor for this contest. Let’s put that theory to test.
My Pick: NYJ (-3)

Barnes: “One of those games you see on the NFL schedule and just pray you don't get on your television set.” That’s blasphemy for Brett Favre’s minions.

Kevin: “The Jets, Browns and Colts all play on the road on CBS at the same time on Sunday. I have to fill-in on Sunday, so I will only be watching the Colts-Packers game from my desk. I'm taking the road teams.” Fair enough.

Chewy: “The sad thing about the Raiders is that the worst part of their team isn't their horrible play or dumb owner, but it is the stupid queer outfits that their fans wear.” Congrats to Chewy for solving the riddle as to the origins of the Art Shell Face. It was all the ridiculous outfits in the stadium. It all makes sense now.

NYJ: Brian, Grothaus, Braves, Luke, Chewy, Rapking, Polito, Shane, Jeff, Kevin, Curtis, Jake, Sara, Bursa

OAK: Lucius, Justin, Josh, Devin, Barnes, Bart

Cleveland @ Washington (-7)
Come on without. Come on within. You’ll not see nothing like the Mighty Quinn.

Manfred Mann knew it. When will the Browns? Okay, moving on.

Well, when Josh passed me in the standings, something had to be done. Josh balked at asking his mother for guidance, so, that is where we are going. In the newest pick of the week segment, let me introduce to the world, Mother’s Intuition Pick of the Week.

My mom, Maxine, is going to bank on her intuition in order to help her eldest son stage a mini-comeback. The conversation this week started with a question regarding a particular team she wanted to pick or conversely not pick.

She quickly responded with the Browns, but her excitement was soon derailed when she learned the Browns were going on the road to face the Washington Redskins.

“Yes, last week was great, but you have to look at the entire season as a whole. On the road, without their fans behind them will not serve the Browns well. Give me the Redskins.”

Mother’s Intuition Pick Of The Week (0-0): WAS (-7)

We are omitting quite a bit, but I was impressed with her football knowledge. Also, the name of the pick was all Maxine. Let’s hope it works out, because had we not done this I would have picked Cleveland.

Lucius: “Drink like a man. Bark like a dog.” It’s safe to say Lucius and I screwed up our Browns ticket situation this year. We originally only had two face-value tickets to the Giants game. We got greedy, decided to buy tickets to the Cowboys AND Steelers. Turns out that I only went to the Dallas game, Lucius went to first two, and neither of us attended the Giants on Monday Night. Yep, go browns.

Barnes: “It's funny. In baseball, easily go with Cleveland. In basketball, it's a toss-up. In football, it's not even close. You know, kind of like the Browns' chances of making the playoffs.” Ouch, that stings the nostrils just a bit. I’ll say this. If the Browns can get a split out of their next two games then they are still in decent shape. If not, then as Braves would say, “book it,” they’re done.

Chewy: “Give the ball to big Jamal, Romeo! If the Brownies give Jamal his 25-30 carries for no other reason then DA can't screw things up too bad then (not to mention that Cleveland wins every game in which he gets at least 25 carries) they will win.” Again Chewy deserves some credit, not only for that correct stat, but for prognosticating the Browns win against the Giants last week.

CLE: Lucius, Justin, Brian, Josh, Braves, Chewy, Rapking, Shane, Jeff, Kevin, Curtis, Sara, Bursa

WAS: Grothaus, Luke, Polito, Devin, Jake, Barnes, Bart

Indianapolis (-1.5) @ Green Bay
The Colts have covered their last two road contests. The Packers have not covered their last two home contests. Don’t you just love it when all trends point to one side?
My Pick: IND (-1.5)

Kevin’s Ballbuster Pick Of The Week (3-3): IND (-1.5)

“Took the 11th game listed (not including the Browns game). Picking the team whose Offensive Coordinator coached in college first (or ever).

Tom Moore for the Colts takes the cake, mainly because he's about a million years old and most likely really enjoys cake. He won't have Joseph Addai this week, but Dominic Rhodes will be fine. And just for the record, Moore coached at Iowa in 1961. Ridiculous. He went up against Green Bay Offensive Coordinator Joe Philbin, who, oddly enough, was an O-line coach at Ohio University in 1994. The Bobcats went 0-11 and scored just 82 points the entire season. I just know OU will come back to bite me in this pick now.” 82 points in 11 games? That’s hard to do.

Barnes: “Prior to Favre's retirement, this game had Jim Nantz and his best scripted stuff all over it. Now, it just screams Phil Simms nonsense for 60 minutes.” Don’t those two usually go hand-in-hand regardless?

Chewy: “Peyton is back. Eli is not better than him. Whichever sports talker came up with that idea probably uses a magic eight ball to make his decisions.” Yeah I’m with ya Chewy. That entire discussion came about way too quickly. Peyton’s been doing that for eight years. Eli? Maybe eight weeks.

IND: Lucius, Brian, Grothaus, Braves, Luke, Chewy, Rapking, Polito, Shane, Jeff, Kevin, Curtis, Barnes, Sara, Bart, Bursa

GB: Justin, Josh, Devin, Jake

Seattle @ Tampa Bay (-10.5)
Seneca Wallace on the road. I’ll repeat. Seneca Wallace … on the road.
My Pick: TB (-10.5)

Chewy: “ Seattle, I am a man of my word.” Aw yes, the power of ten.

Kevin: “The Bucs dominated Carolina last week and Seattle doesn't travel well at all. The story is that Seneca Wallace is starting for the Seahawks, which is unfortunate because for some reason I wanted nothing more than two washed up former Browns quarterbacks to duke it out. I can hear the promos now ...

‘It's Sunday Night. Can Tampa Bay Buck the Seahawks down in the NFC standings? Or will Seattle turn up the heat and Frye the Buccaneers? The booth gets 400 pounds lighter without John Madden ... SUNDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL ON NBC!!’

I have to work on Sunday and this is the game that will push back the 10 p.m. newscast. FAN-tastic. At least it's not the Lions-Texans.” No John Madden? Is Frank Caliendo available? Now that would be great television.

Barnes: “I've got Rays fever. Do you have Rays fever? Cause the Bucs have Rays fever.” They better enjoy it while it lasts, because the Red Sox are on the verge of breaking that fever, real quick.

SEA: Lucius, Brian, Chewy, Polito, Bursa

TB: Justin, Josh, Grothaus, Braves, Luke, Rapking, Shane, Devin, Jeff, Kevin, Curtis, Jake, Barnes, Sara, Bart

Denver @ New England (-3)
The Patriots have not played at home since their week three embarrassment to the Miami Dolphins, while the Broncos have not covered outright since week two. Denver has not done much to impress me as a whole recently, and the Patriots want to avenge that Dolphins disaster.
My Pick: NE (-3)

Barnes: "The Patriots look older and older on defense with each game. Kind of like Lou Holtz does each week on ESPN.” Man, in one week you rip on the Browns and Lou Holtz. Barnes, you did everything short of driving up to Athens and kicking me square in the balls. Just for that, let me remind everyone that Barnes went 3-13 last year one week, with all three wins coming via tie.

Kevin: "People may really start to question the Pats after this week. And not just their execution, but their manhood. It might be bad enough that we see Bill Belichick jump out from behind the couch. Stay tuned.” And he brings it full circle. Job well done.

Chewy: "Come on, NE is the favorite in this one? Cutler has produced more offense this season than the Patriots whole team.” Got to admit Chewy, this is a big game for your Broncos. They drop this one, and questions will be raised. Those Chargers are coming in a hurry.

DEN: Lucius, Brian, Josh, Grothaus, Chewy, Rapking, Polito, Shane, Jeff, Kevin, Curtis, Jake, Barnes, Sara, Bursa

NE: Justin, Braves, Luke, Devin, Bart

SPECIAL SECTION TIME

Just a quick preview.

Lucius gives us a brief glimpse into what his head deals with on a daily occasion.

Chewy recaps his first five Chew On This segments, and Polito, well, Bart, Lucius and Chewy should all read Po’s Knowledge Dropping. I want to know what they think about it.

ALEX’S THOUGHTS FOR THE WEEK
“So many topics I can discuss here, but I do need to take a nap sometime. First and foremost, Lienenkugels Sunset Wheat is the world's greatest beer. It is like Fruity Pebbles in a can. Secondly last night I was in an intriguing (I don't know how to spell that word) political argument with Chris Borer and realized that no matter who wins this election, we will invade Iran in ten years, mark it down.

Watching the debates is probably the worst thing I have ever done. I hate big words. Both candidates just laugh or smile when the other is talking and both candidates talked about how hurtful and painful the other's supporters comments are. Seriously? McCain your 100 years old, Obama, grow a pair. You guys are running to be the leader of one of the most powerful countries in the world and you can't take getting called names?

Whatever.

The Browns are going to win out. Braylon Edwards says we are now 2-0 in a 14 game season. That doesn't make sense, but I like it. We are going to win it and as Kevin said, go undefeated in the regular season just like the Patriots last year with a 13-3 record. I like it.”

CHEW ON THIS - VOL. VI. - By: Andrew Reinhart
“Here is a review of my featured topics.

Not to toot my own horn, but here is something I have noticed about my topics thus far.

Vol 1: Broncos O-Line: The Broncos look like a new team this year on offense, and their rebuilt O-Line has only allowed two sacks all season.

Vol 2: Miami 1st Round Pick Jake Long: Behind this monster and his great blocking Miami has one of the most innovative and impressive rushing offenses in recent NFL history.

Vol 3: Houston's D-Line: Mario Williams has averaged two sacks in the past weeks.

Vol 4: Sam Adams: Won Super Bowl XXXV, and a pro bowl selection in 01, 02, and 04. He had three career interceptions. He is married with three children and owns an arena football team.

Vol 5: Linemen Getting Interceptions: They are like buffets, a little taste of Heaven on Earth.”

PO‘S KNOWLEDGE DROPPING - Week Six in Review - By: Ryan Polito
"Most Dominant #1:

The NFL - With all the parity in the league these last few years it’s been really enjoyable to get a few good games here and there. After sitting on my ass all last Sunday being able to watch every game (because of the Steelers having a bye), I saw one of the most exciting NFL weeks of my life.

FIVE games came down to last second finishes with a few major upsets involved.

1. The Rams kicked a GW FG as time expired to stun the Skins.

2. The Texans ran a QB sneak on 4th and goal with :03 left to finish the Fins.

3. The Vikings played like crap but kicked a GW FG as time expired to make losers of the Lions.

4. The Falcons had the most improbable win as they gave up a TD with only :11 sec left and managed to have time for a game-winning FG thanks to a retarded "squib" kick by the Bears.

5. And I cannot leave out my favorite finish from Week 6; The Cardinals blocking a punt and returning it for a TD to beat the Cowgirls 30-24 in OT.

Overall, a tremendous week of action in the NFL. One can only hope we have many more weeks to come of this madness.

Most Dominant # 2:

Brad Sciullo - Brad is a 5-foot-11, 180-pound Western PA chef who recently took a shot at eating a 20 lb burger in order to win $400 and three free t-shirts. He accomplished this feat in less than 5 hours. Pictures are all over the internet of him actually stuffing this monstrosity in his mouth. But below I have the picture of the massive burger. No word yet on whether he is still alive, but a dominant feat so far ... maybe even good enough to be most dominant of the year?
Most Dominant #3:

Phil Hellmuth - I’m not sure how many poker lovers we have in this league, but I’m damn sure one of them. So I’m putting the classic rant of Phil Hellmuth's from this years WSOP main event on here: be sure to count the number of times the word "idiot" is used.



With there being so many dominant performances this week in the world I’ve decided not to ruin to positive vibe in my section today with a least dominant section. I could put up people like Tommy Bowden for getting canned, or Pacman Jones for being a moron for the 50th time in his life, but I’ll pass on it.

Three very dominating performances this week, but next week I may just revert going back to least dominant accomplishments ... like the story of my life. Be sure to check out the Fun Fact of the week below and I will see you all next week. Peace. Go Steelers.

Fun Fact of the Week:

All week I’ve seen ESPN run on the bottom of their screen a story about Kellen Winslow being hospitalized with an undisclosed illness. It was on the 15th time of seeing it I decided I had to know why no station was disclosing his injury. After doing some intense research I now know exactly why he wanted to keep the story a secret. Winslow was hospitalized and unable to play against the Giants due to swollen testicles. With the majority of the people in this group being Browns fans I’m sure you all know this by now, but I figured I’d share with everyone else.

Obviously I’m not laughing at him or anything cause god knows if I had that injury I’d be on suicide watch. Glad Winslow got through it and look forward to seeing him back on the field being his hard-ass self again ... oh yea and watching him lose to the Steelers like he has done every game in his career.”

THAT’S ALL SHE WROTE.

Thanks to everyone for a successful week seven. Hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I did writing it. Special thanks to Lucius, Chewy and Polito for their special sections. Top notch boys.

Let me know what you thought about the new additions. The more the better.

Until next time, “read it, roll it, hole it.”