2009 F'd Up Tourney: LIVE BLOGGING THE SECOND ROUND - Mainstay Tournament

By: Luke Florence





No sense in trying to come up with a witty introduction. We are LIVE BLOGGING the 2nd Round of The Mainstay Tournament. The winners of this round will win a spot in the 2009 F'd Up Tournament.

PART TWO CAN BE FOUND IF YOU SCROLL DOWN PAST THE FIRST UPDATED BRACKET.

Similar to the ESPY's, Kevin and I actually rolled the 2nd Round last Sunday, but, we are unveiling the winners tonight. We are on schedule to begin the 3rd Round again on Sunday. Stay tuned for more information.

So for now, buckle in, refresh often, and enjoy the Mainstay 2nd Round. Win or go home.
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Alex Lucius vs. Structured Randomness

How they got here: Lucius beat The Office 65-64, while S.R. took down Notre Dame 77-63.

Roll #1 - Not a good start for Big Al, as he rolls the worst score possible in our game (3), while S.R. takes the early five point lead. 8-3 S.R.

Roll #2 - S.R. stretches their lead ... now up 16-8.

Roll #3 - Lucius is going to need a miracle to come back, as he trails it 26-14 after three rolls.

Roll #4 - Finally Big Al wins a roll, but is still down 33-22.

Roll #5 - As we head in to half-time, Lucius is down 42-29.

Roll #6 - Big Al has yet to break 70 in this contest, and does not help his cause by rolling a 5 to start the 2nd half. 49-34 S.R.

Roll #7 - 55-41 S.R.

Roll #8 - Lucius matches his highest roll (8), but S.R. is just piling it on. 66-49 S.R.

Roll #9 - Doubles by Big Al might give him a chance, but S.R. responds with a double of its' own. 77-60 with just one roll left.

Roll #10 - Lucius' defense did not do its' job tonight, and he leaves us just one win shy of entering the F'd Up Tourney. The first Mainstay-Auto bid goes to Structured Randomness, as they win it 90-68.

Gay Lanes vs. Beer

How they got here: Gay Lanes defeated Ohio University Intramural Sports 86-80, and Beer (last year's runner-up) took down Forgetting Sarah Marshall 75-65.

At the half - Gay Lanes takes the early lead, does not give it up, and finds itself in front, 34-30.

Roll #10 - Beer comes back and is up after seven rolls. With just one roll remaining, they are up 60-56. But Gay Lanes rolls DOUBLES in order to hold off Beer, 72-67. Entertaining match.

Ohio University vs. Rick Majerus

How they got here: OU sent Lieutenant Dan to Vietnam with a 78-61 pounding, and Rick Majerus held off Mitch Richmond 77-76.

At the half - Majerus is on a mission, as he rolls doubles THREE TIMES in the first half, and takes a 50-39 cushion into intermission.

Alex Lucius has issued a statement following his embarrassing performance. "That is the biggest bunch of horseshit since the browns got rid of Jeff Faine."

Well Lucius, you still have November 31st in the running, and we are awarding an At-Large spot to one person who shows the most enthusiasm for the F'd Up Tourney. Safe to say you are not done yet.

Final roll - Ohio University responds by rolling three doubles two times itself, and closes the gap to eight with one roll remaining. O.U then rolls an incredible 17 on its' last turn forcing Majerus to roll a 9 to tie ... and Majerus rolls a .... 7!! Ohio University completes the comeback, winning 90-88.

Allan Houston vs. Gus Johnson

How they got here: Houston took down the Jeff Blake-Carl Pickens connection 77-76, while Gus pummeled Arby's 96-84.

Going roll-by-roll for this star-studded match-up.

Roll #1 - How bout the start for Gus? Comes right out of the gate and grabs the early 11-5 advantage.

Roll #2 - This one is going to be an instant classic, as both teams are putting up big numbers. 18-16 Gus.

Roll #3 - Gus has rolled 11+7+9 so far, and leads 27-23.

Roll #4 - Houston and Johnson trade 6's. 33-29 Johnson.

Roll #5 - Gus ends the 1st half just as he started it, with an 11. GJ up 44-35 at the break.

Roll #6 - RISE AND FIIIIIIRE!!! Johnson with ANOTHER 11. He's up 55-42.

Roll #7 - BATISTA WITH THE CAAAAAATCH!! Houston scores an 11 of his own, but Gus AND ONE'S TWICE, and is now up 70-53.

Roll #8 - This just might be Gus's tournament to lose. Another double for GJ. He is leading 80-62.

Roll #9 - Got to give Allan Houston credit. He continues to fight, but is down 87-72 with just one roll to go.

Roll #10 -PUUUURE!! Gus Johnson advances to the 2009 F'd Up Tournament, beating Allan Houston 90-83. HOW ABOUT THAT!

George Costanza vs. Major League I and II

How they got here: Costanza said "au revoir" to Mrs. Hughes' French Class 71-67, while Major League I and II "out-Roger Dorn'd" Casey Blake 79-78.

At the half - Major League I and II trails it all the way until the final roll of the break, where they grab a 37-36 lead.

Final roll - Costanza quickly goes down seven, but slowly scrapes away at the lead, forcing Major League to roll an 8 to tie on the final roll. And Major League rolls a ... 6!! George Costanza advances in dramatic fashion, 73-71.

Browns Beer Pong vs. Cedar Point

How they got here: BBP sent the Asian Invasion back to China with a 104-76 victory, and Cedar Point rolled all over Bill Simmons' ass, 99-78.

At the half - A back-and-forth affair finds BBP up 43-35 mid-way.

Final roll - On the strength of a 23 point #9 roll, Browns Beer Pong cruises 91-77 to advance to the F'd Up Tournament.

Big John vs. Keith Cawley

How they got here: Big John took out John Kruk's all-time favorite closer, Bob Wickman, 83-75, while Cawley took out our high school, Tiffin Calvert, 77-67.

You better we believe we are going R-B-R here.

Roll #1 - Matching 6's means we are dead even after one. You just have a feeling this one is going to come down to the final roll.

Roll #2 - Big John takes a slight 14-13 advantage after two. The tension is noticeably thick.

Roll #3 - 24-22 for Big John.

Roll #4 - Keith Cawley embodies experience ladies and gentlemen, as he stays patient the first three rolls, and then rolls doubles on roll #4 to grab his first lead, 33-29.

Roll #5 - Big John has the answer however, rolls doubles of his own, and leads it 41-40 at the half.

Roll #6 - This could very well be the match of the tournament thus far, as both Big John and Cawley open the 2nd half by rolling an 11. 52-51 Big John.

Roll #7 - A 9 by Big John and an 8 by Cawley means it is 61-59 Big John with just three rolls to go. Thus far, the largest lead has been four.

Roll #8 - Big John keeps a slight two-point lead, as they match 7's. 68-66.

Roll #9 - They continue to go back-and-forth, as they both match 7's AGAIN! This is getting ridiculous, but we only have one roll to go. 75-73 Big John.

Roll #10 - Big John picks a bad time to roll his smallest number (4) of the night. All Cawley needs to get back into the tournament is a 7. Heck, even a 6 will send it to over-time. And Cawley rolls a ... FOUR!! Oh my goodness. Huge let-down for Cawley. But at least he went out in a memorable match. 79-77 for Big John, while Cawley will have to find another way to gain access to the F'd Up Tourney.

Sweet Franklin vs. Reach

How they got here: SF upended John Cheney 91-76, while Reach sent Mel Kiper III/T. Willy packing, 80-79.

At the half - Reach rolls a 17 on its' third turn, and leads 43-40.

Final roll - Reach never gives Sweet Franklin an opportunity to come back, and wins it 80-70. Kevin Hunt is NOT happy with this at all.

Grady Sizemore vs. Randy Hunt "Rub Money"

How they got here: Sizemore took out the best-running TV show, LOST, 92-74, while Randy downed a classic-funny movie, Planes Trains and Automobiles, 71-62.

At the half - Randy storms out of the gate and rolls double's on his first THREE ROLLS, but Sizemore is not going anywhere. 40-37 for Randy.

Final roll - Horrendous 2nd half for Sizemore means his tournament hopes are dashed. Randy Hunt "Rub Money" will be in the F'd Up Tournament, defeating Grady Sizemore easily, 82-59.

November 31st vs. Little Hugo's

How they got here: Nov. 31st showed Bob Seger the door in overtime, 85-83, and Little Hugo's did the same to Adam Sandler, 85-80.

At the half - November 31st never trails in the 1st half, and has a 44-36 cushion mid-way.

Final roll - In as a dominating performance as you can see, November 31st never allows the lead to get closer than nine, and wins quite handily, 87-70. Not all hope is lost Big Al.

Stuart Appleby vs. Merkt's Cheese

How they got here: Appleby handed The Pin-Pals their first ever loss, 80-68, while Merkt's Cheese topped the Big Ben Game, 97-63.

At the half - Appleby uses a 17-point roll to help him crawl back into it, but he still is behind Merkt's 44-41.

Final roll - Merkt's Cheese follows in November 31st's footsteps, and never trails. 90-74 for Merkt's Cheese puts it in the F'd Up Tourney.

Keler vs. Semi-Charmed Life

How they got here: Keler disposed of Mansfield! 90-74, and SCL snuck by the ever-so-sneaky Cleveland Browns, 70-69.

At the half - Boring first five rolls for each team, but SCL leads it 35-33.

Final roll - Keler manages to roll an 8 on its last turn, meaning SCL needs a 7 to win it. And they roll a ... 8!! Semi-Charmed Life advances, 71-69.

Mrs. Bursa's Popcorn vs. Michael Jordan

How they got here: MBP defeated its' home town, Tiffin, 76-73, and MJ took down the board game True Colors, 89-69.

At the half - Jordan is not messing around, as he rolls a 15 on his first turn. He builds on that lead throughout, and takes a 46-32 advantage into the locker room.

Final roll - Through the first two rounds of this tournament, one could easily argue that MJ has been the most dominant. A second-straight double-digit victory means Jordan will have plans come December. 87-68 for His Airness.

The Frank Twins vs. WHEI in the Morning/Maxine Monday's

How they got here: TFT out-rolled Norm Duke, 79-72, while WHEI knocked-out Taco John's 93-82.

At the half - Biggest 1st half score of the round for WHEI. They are up twenty, 52-32. This one looks over.

Final roll - Well, you guessed it, WHEI had zero trouble disposing of The Frank Twins. WHEI in the Morning/Maxine Monday's take it, 93-68. Well Kris and Nic Frank can not win this by themselves now, but they are still alive thanks to WHEI in the Morning. The F'd Up Tourney: home of the 2nd chance.

Rudy vs. Paul Culver

How they got here: Rudy sent Keystone Light packing, 73-70, and The General took care of J-Ro, 82-65.

Let's do a R-B-R as these two titans of the football field do battle.

Roll #1 - Both score a TD on their first roll, but Rudy successfully goes for two. 8-7 Rudy.

Roll #2 - Culver tacks on six, but Rudy puts up a ten-spot. 18-13 Rudy.

Roll #3 - Not a good start for The General, as Rudy stretches his lead, 25-19.

Roll #4 - Culver gets his first double, but only picks up one point on Rudy, 32-27.

Roll #5 - Just a solid first half for Rudy, as the N.D. little guy has been in front from the onset, 41-32.

Roll #6 - Still plenty of time for The General, and you know he will be making some half-time adjustments. But Rudy continues to just inch ahead, now up 50-40.

Roll #7 - Never count out Paul Culver! He tightens up his defense, tacks a ten-pointer, and now only trails by six, 56-50.

Roll #8 - Culver gets the best of Rudy again, and now is down five. 63-58.

Roll #9 - Where is Gus Johnson when you need him? Culver is firing on all cylinders right now. An 11 by the General, coupled with a 5 by Rudy, has given Culver his first lead of the entire game! 69-68 Culver.

Roll #10 - A five by Rudy all but seals his fate. All Culver needs to avoid is a 3. Anything above a 4 gives Paul Culver the win. Where is Mike Tirico when you need him? OH NO!! Culver does the un-thinkable and rolls a 3!! An incredible comeback is for not! Rudy wins 73-72. Unreal!

Wicked Sweet vs. Bill Walton

How they got here: WS beat the best card-game ever invented, Ultimate Drama, 76-75, and Bill Walton outlasted Jason Koma, 66-65.

At the half - Walton grabs the lead after his second roll and is up 43-39.

Still cannot believe the Culver-Rudy showdown. That one will not be soon forgotten.

Final roll - Walton rolls an amazing 21 on roll #7, and leads by 16 going into the final turn. But Wicked Sweet makes it more than interesting! An incredulous 23 point final roll, means Bill Walton now needs a 7 just to tie! How quickly things can change on one turn. Crunch time for Walton, and he rolls a ... 8!! Walton wins it by one! 96-95 has Bill Walton in the F'd Up Tournament. Some insane match-ups going on right now.

Okay, that marks the half-way point for the 2nd round. We will return tomorrow to conclude, and to hand out 16 more entries to the F'd Up Tournament. Then, on Sunday, we will continue rolling the inaugural Mainstay Tournament.

Until tomorrow, "read it, roll it, hole it."
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The KOA is back in the saddle again for the riveting conclusion to the 2nd Round of The Mainstay Tournament. If this is your first go-around with The F'd Up Tournament, then here are some links that will help you catch up.

The F'd Up Tournament and all its' glory explained in full detail.

How we are scoring this event.

After reading those two articles, you should be set to go. And with that, we continue with the 2nd Round ... winners advance to the Big Dance in December.

Don't Be Stupid vs. Will Ferrell

How they got here: DBS got the better of FAN-tastic, 74-69, while Will Ferrell took out Kramer's famous line, Giddy-Up, 79-70.

At the half - In an entertaining and high-scoring affair thus far, Ferrell is up 49-40 at the mid-way point.

Final roll - Don't Be Stupid claws its' way back, and is down by just three heading into the final roll. After scoring an 8 on its' last turn, Ferrell just needs a 6 to advance. And Will Ferrell rolls a ... 5!! This is headed to OVERTIME! The first of the 2nd Round.

Overtime - Don't Be Stupid opens the extra period with a 9, but Ferrell hits them with an 11. A 5 by DBS means Ferrell just needs a 4 to win. And Ferrell rolls a ... 4!! What a match, and what a way to start the 2nd day! Will Ferrell will be back in December, as he is victorious 96-95 in O.T.

David Carr vs. John Daly

How they got here: Carr handed the historic Yankees "E" League Team their first-ever loss, 81-73, while JD out-muscled Jay Bilas "Strong," 84-66.

This has a Roll-By-Roll written all over it.

Roll #1 - These two titans from differing professions open up strong, with JD gaining the early 10-9 advantage.

Roll #2 - A pair of 8's has JD clinging to an 18-17 lead.

Roll #3 - The defense stiffens up a bit on the third roll, but JD doubles his lead in the process, 24-22.

Roll #4 - Professor Carr rolls doubles, and ends up with a 14 on his fourth roll, JD puts up a 10 spot, but he now trails for the first time, 36-34.

Roll #5 - Carr cannot put two solid rolls together, and finds himself behind as we enter half-time. JD up 41-39.

Roll #6 - Another worst-possible roll for Carr (3) means JD has the biggest advantage of the match, 48-42.

Roll #7 - No one will be running away with this contest, JD scores a 5, while Carr steps it up and rolls a 9. 53-51 for JD. Just three rolls remaining.

Roll #8 - Nothing has changed, a pair of fours has it 57-55 JD. Whoever loses this contest can look back to this turn. Someone could have won it right here.

Roll #9 - Carr, who has trailed throughout, finally gets the lead. JD might be running out of gas. 62-61. Does JD have one more miracle in him?

Roll #10 -A solid 9 by David Carr means John Daly needs a 10 to tie, and an 11 to win outright. And with the final roll, JD scores a ... 6. Too bad for JD, as he will now need to win the PGA Championship to gain an automatic bid. But I think it's safe to say he might gain an automatic bid with those crazy pants. But does he want to put that decision in the committee's hands?? Anyways, David Carr has his sights on the F'd Up Tournament, winning 71-67.

Let's take some time now to hear from some loyal readers.

Alex Lucius, "I have been training my whole life for this tournament and you go on to tell me that structured randomness steals a cheap one away from me because Kevin is way to short to see above the table more or less roll a freaking dice on it. This isn't nam Kevin, there are rules and you need to be this tall to roll a dice."

A bitter Lucius, still fuming from his loss yesterday to Structured Randomness. But his continued following just might get him the Enthusiasm Spot. We will see.

Jake Young, "I'm just hoping JD drops the ball, as usual. That way I can make fun of Zad that his role model choked again."

Well Jake, you got your wish, as JD couldn't make anything down the last couple of holes. Just got too tired. And, I wouldn't be surprised if Jake makes a strong run for that Enthusiasm Spot as well. Should be very interesting.

Ronald Pittman vs. Ernest Byner

How they got here: Pittman bored Anchorman to death, 85-71, and Byner was victorious over the New Year's Eve Disco Bash.

At the half - Pittman is up through the first three rolls, but a 14-point fourth roll by Byner has him going to the locker room up by eleven, 46-35.

Final roll - Pittman slowly chips away at the double-digit lead, and has the advantage down to four heading into the last roll. Unfortunately, Pittman comes up short, and does not even give Byner a chance to fumble the ball, rolling a 6. Ernest Byner is resurrecting his career in this tournament, as he wins, 80-75.

Jimmy V vs. Hot Nuts

How they got here: Jimmy V took down our former grade-school, St. Mary's Elementary, 87-79, and Hot Nuts slipped by Gino Toretta, 84-80.

At the half - Two very evenly matched squads. But, Hot Nuts scores a 14 on the last turn before half-time and leads it, 41-35.

Final roll - Don't Give Up ... Don't Ever Give Up. Trailing by three with one turn remaining, Jimmy V scores a 15, and puts himself in The F'd Up Tournament. Jimmy V, our only participant who is no longer with us, advances in dramatic fashion, 77-72.

Let's keep the Jake Young comments coming, the more the better.

"Two things: One, JD probably lost the handle on his dice because he had Hooter's wing sauce all over his hands. Two, my Ronald Pittman experience begins Sept 8."

I challenge Jake to come up with a more creative and challenging 18-hole golf course than what yours truly was able to accomplish in Information Gathering.

Butch Davis vs. Pizza Hut Lunch Buffett

How they got here: BD emptied out Bernie Kosar's pockets completely, 68-64, and PHLB got the better of Bart Borer, 90-71.

At the half - PHLB starts with a 14 and keeps the lead the entire half. But, Coach Davis rolls a 12 just before the horn sounds to keep it close, 39-36 PHLB.

Final roll - A rather undramatic second half, which is contradictory to what has been going on this afternoon. Pizza Hut Lunch Buffet never relinquished their lead, and defeated Butch Davis, 77-71. Everyone's favorite pizza buffet will be in the F'd Up Tournament.

Route 56/Hollerback Girl vs. Black History Month

How they got here: Route 56 downed The Ceiling Bracket in a close contest, 81-80, and BHM disposed of Fifty On The Fifties, 82-77.

Do I even have to mention who Matt Barnes will be rooting for?

At the half - The lead changes three times in the first half, and ends with BHM up by two, 38-36.

Final roll - Route 56 takes the lead to start the second half, and closes with an impressive 16-point final roll. Route 56/Hollerback Girl is going dancing, thanks to their 91-77 victory over Black History Month. I guess every good tournament needs a villain right?

Jake Young comes in with the quote of the tournament thus far, "And Barnes' birthday weekend gets a little more dreary."

Somehow, Jake has quickly embodied the spirit that is The F'd Up Tournament. I heart my friends.

Omar Vizquel/Carlos Baerga vs. Fort Ball Buffet

How they got here: OV/CB got by Do With This As You Will, 82-78, and FBB upended everyone's favorite QB, Brady Quinn, 69-65.

At the half - Three more lead changes in the first half, as these two teams trade big blows. When the dust settled, Vizquel/Baerga lead it 55-45.

Final roll - Watch out for this dynamic duo folks. Omar Vizquel/Carlos Baerga make this into a statement game, blowing out the Fort Ball Buffet, 102-89. They got voted in by the fans, and now will be in The F'd Up Tourney. Gotta love it. It is without a doubt the BEST thing to happen to the Cleveland Indians since 2007.

And real quickly, I was slow to get on to Twitter, and thought it was just a cheap rip-off of Facebook. BUT, I will admit, I have finally come around. The clincher was when I learned on Twitter that the Browns signed Alex Mack. Go Browns.

Keith Hodkinson vs. Tim Couch

How they got here: KH slipped by Erik Huss, 80-79, and Tim Couch upset the once unflappable Lesbians, 92-62.

Of course we are going to do a R-B-R between Kevin Hunt's arch-nemesis and the Browns best QB since 1999.

Roll #1 - Not a good start for Kevin, as Hodkinson jumps out to an early 14-8 lead.

Roll #2 - Couch and Hodkinson trade 7's, and Keith still leads it by six, 21-15.

Roll #3 - A 17-point roll by Timmy has Kevin fired up and has Couch out in front by seven, 32-25.

Roll #4 - Hodkinson cuts into the lead by rolling a nine to Couch's five, but Timmy retains the advantage, 37-34.

Roll #5 - Two consecutive poor rolls by Couch will give Hodkinson the half-time lead, 41-40. Kevin Hunt now has his hand on the trigger.

Roll #6 - But people forget, Timmy is a 2nd half QB, and takes the lead right back, 47-44 after six.

Roll #7 - However, Keith Hodkinson ties an F'd Up Tourney record by AND ONE'ing THREE TIMES. Unfortunately for him it was on snake eyes. Timmy still up by one, 56-55.

Roll #8 - Kevin Hunt is just sweating profusely through his shirt at this point. Both Timmy and Keith roll five's. Couch on top, 61-60.

Roll #9 - Couch rolls a 4, and Keith takes advantage by scoring an 8. Heading into the last turn, Hodkinson is in front, 68-65.

Roll #10 - Hodkinson has the first roll, and scores a 9, putting the pressure squarely on Couch's shoulders. Timmy trails it by 12 with just one lone throw remaining. Couch rolls DOUBLE TWO'S, which means he can continue rolling 2's until he stops. He is still down by eight however. On his first AND ONE throw, Couch rolls a ... 2!! He is still fighting, absolutely incredible. Now he is down by six. On his second AND ONE throw, Couch rolls a ... 6!!! HERE WE GO BROWNIES, HERE WE GO!! This instant-classic is heading to overtime, while Kevin reacts like the Browns just scored a TD (which reportedly hasn't happened since 2006).

Overtime - Hodkinson remains cool, calm, and collected after the following proceedings, and starts the extra period with a 9. Couch puts up a 7, but is down 86-84 with one roll left.

Overtime - Hodkinson does not let up at all, and rolls another 9. No one could have blamed Keith for pulling a Tom Watson in this extra session, but he was nearly unflappable. It will now take an 11 by Couch to send it to Double Overtime. And on the last turn, Couch rolls a ... 7. Kevin's face just dropped to the floor, the same way it did when he learned that LeCharles Bentley killed his own career. Keith Hodkinson, Kevin Hunt's arch-nemesis, will be entered into the F'd Up Tournament, as he defeats Tim Couch 95-91 in O.T.

Family Guy vs. Scotty B

How they got here: Family Guy took out the childhood story of Power/Man In The Starter Sweatshirt, 75-74, and Scotty B. disposed of the last Browns QB to win a playoff game, Vinny Testaverde, 88-84.

At the half - A strong first-half for both squads, but it is Family Guy who is up mid-way, 42-38.

Final roll - Scotty B rolls a 16 on his eighth turn to take the lead, and is up by four heading into the last turn. Family Guy scores a 7, meaning all Scotty B needs to win is a four, and he rolls a ... 7. Scotty B says goodnight to Family Guy, by a score of 87-83. The F'd Up Tournament awaits.

Gridiron Glory vs. Looper-Olson

How they got here: GG got the better of That's What She Said, 75-73, while L-O out-scored the Ballbuster Pick Of The Week, 113-92.

At the half - In an unexpected boring first half, Looper-Olson is up by one, 38-37.

Final roll - Gridiron Glory takes the lead from Looper-Olson, and hold on to it throughout the second half. GG scores a seven on its' last turn, so Looper-Olson will now need a 10 to tie. And they roll a ... DOUBLE SIX'S. They AND ONE a 3, and take the game in dramatic fashion. Looper-Olson now have plans for December, beating Gridiron Glory, 78-73.

Brad Bursa vs. Trainwreck

How they got here: Bursa disposed of Awful, 78-67, while Trainwreck defeated the once-alive, Chris Farley, 99-84.

At the half - Not looking good for Bursa, as Trainwreck uses an 18-point turn as the catalyst to a 52-35 half-time advantage.

Final roll - This one was over before it even started. Bursa can only get as close as eight, and will fall short in '09. Trainwreck advances by a score of 89-76.

The Promise vs. Fuck You

How they got here: TP snuck by The Applebee's Commercial, 76-73, while Fuck You took down funny-man Mitch Hedberg 82-71.

At the half - Slow, boring, and uneventful. No this is not a highlight reel of the 2008 Cleveland Browns, it was the first-half of this game. Nonetheless, Fuck You is up 35-34. How bad is Barnes' birthday weekend going to be?

Final roll - This is arguably the worst contest to date, as just one double is rolled the entire match. Luckily for Barnes, it was by The Promise, as it knocks off Fuck You, 71-67. Thank goodness that one was over.

Unappreciative Bastard "Vince Carter" vs. Cool Runnings

How they got here: VC knocked around the Tribe's bullpen, winning in overtime over the Cleveland Indians 94-77, and CR slid around Jeff Gordon on the final turn, 76-73.

At the half - Cool Runnings has never ... and I mean EVER ... looked this poorly. They trail it 49-27. They are on pace to break the lowest score in F'd Up Tournament history.

Final roll - Well, if you are going to lose, you might as well bow-out in a memorable fashion. Cool Runnings is now the record-holder for the lowest score in this tournament's short history. Unappreciative Bastard "Vince Carter" reaps the benefit, beating Cool Runnings by thirty, 86-56.

The Beast vs. Big Ten Basketball

How they got here: The Beast out-classed Seinfeld 81-77, and BTB took out the shittiest bar in Tiffin, DP's, 84-78.

At the half - Big Ten Basketball just might be on a mission to prove they are not the laughing stock the rest of the world thinks they are. They lead it 38-36 mid-way.

Final roll - A neck-and-neck contest, finds Big Ten Basketball with a one point lead heading into the last turn. The Beast scores a 7, meaning BTB will have to match it to win outright, and they roll a ... 7! Look out world, here comes Big Ten Basketball, as they win it, 76-75.

Tom Hamilton vs. Bromley 310

How they got here: TH defeated the icon, Matt Barnes, 85-79, while Bromley 310 destroyed Tom Hodson 93-74.

At the half - A strong performance by Bromley 310 coupled with a pathetic performance by Hamilton, means Bromley 310 is up 45-31.

Final roll - Sorry to see Tom Hamilton go out this way, but he gets pummeled by Bromley 310 who has just breezed its' way to the F'd Up Tournament. Bromley 310 takes it, 89-59.

McHappy's vs. Memorial Day Weekend

How they got here: McHappy's knocked out my Little Tykes Hoop, 87-67, while MDW thankfully put an end to Ten Things I Hate About You, 78-64.

At the half - Our last match of the 2nd round might be full of fireworks if the 1st half is any indication. All tied up at 42.

Final roll - McHappy's trails off a bid in the 2nd half, and finds itself down by four heading into the last turn. They roll an 8, meaning MDW needs a four to tie, and a five to win. And MDW, on the final roll of the 2nd Round, rolls a ... 9! That will do it. Memorial Day Weekend is our last Mainstay to advance to The F'd Up Tournament, as they defeat McHappy's 84-79. One-fourth of the field is now set.

Well, let's take a look at the UPDATED brackets. These final 32 are all now invited to join us in The F'd Up Tournament. The further they advance in this tournament, the higher their seeding will be for the Big Dance.



Remember, we will be rolling the 3rd Round tomorrow, but there will be NO LIVE BLOG. If you would like to know the outcome of a particular match-up (or hell, maybe all of them), let us know and we can text/call you with half-time and final scores. It would be our pleasure.

Special thanks to Jake Young and Alex Lucius for their comments, they always bump up the quality level of these columns.

That will do it for us here at KOA today. We will be back at some point next week to update you on this ever-going process. Thanks for listening.

Until next time, "read it, roll it, hole it."