By: Luke Florence
In PART ONE, we took a look at the lesser half of the 1st Round match-ups for the 2009 Mainstay Tournament. Moving forward, it's time to find out the top 32 pairings. I know the anticipation is probably killing you.
There is one small, albeit important, piece of information that needs to be attended. PLEASE VOTE ON THE FOUR MATCH-UPS YOU WANT TO SEE ADDED AS "PRIME-TIME" GAMES. Kevin and I will roll these live on a podcast. The top ten will all be in the discussion, and you can vote on my sidebar. Vote for the four you want to see the most. If the match-up is not included, then LET US KNOW! Write a comment at the end of the post. We aim to please. You never know, it just might find it's way on air.
Staying with the 1999 movie references, here ... we ... go.
32. - 40) Cedar Point vs. 89) Bill Simmons - Hard to describe exactly why I am excited for this match-up. It has my favorite writer going up against my favorite amusement park. They both keep me entertained in differing fashions. Funny and insightful writing versus the top thrill dragster. Buckle in folks, this contest has serious momentum swings written all over it. That last sentence is better than you realize. Much better.
31. - 27) The Beast vs. 102) Seinfeld - Should be much higher on this list, but both of these entities are retired, so it loses some of it's luster. Each team proved, almost effortlessly, the ability to take an average situation and turn it into a comedic adventure. Time and time again.
30. - 50) New Year's Eve Disco Bash vs. 79) Ernest Byner - For some strange reason Hunt loves this contest. The common link between these two teams has to be the whole "dropping the ball," but Byner "fumbled" it more so than it "dropped." That being said, I have this strange feeling that Byner is on a mission this year. Recent reports from Webster Slaughter confirm this thought.
29. - 60) True Colors vs. 69) Michael Jordan - This is where the Mainstay Tournament really earns its' name. Jordan was bounced in the second round of the '06 F'd Up Tourney, but now has to win TWICE to get back to the 2009 Tourney. If he loses, he's out. Chances are he won't make it as an at-large, and unless he qualifies for the U.S. Open in golf and then goes on to win that tournament, he won't get in as an automatic either. For Jordan, it's win or go home. Knowing his background, chances are, it will be the former.
28. - 30) Gridiron Glory vs. 99) That's What She Said - The entire selection committee was a part of Gridiron Glory, not to mention Barnes acted as host for two solid years. That's What She Said is an upstart team, one that has emerged onto the scene as of late, and at least for this member, is a daily occurrence. Go read that sentence again ... it's much better than you think.
27. - 46) Mitch Hedberg vs. 83) Fuck You - When you buy a box of Ritz crackers, on the back of the box, they have all these suggestions as to what to put on top of the Ritz. "Try it with turkey and cheese. Try it with peanut butter." But I like crackers man, that's why I bought it, 'cause I like crackers! I don't see a suggestion to put a Ritz on top of a Ritz. I didn't buy them because they're little edible plates! You've got no faith in the product itself.
26. - 62) Scotty B vs. 67) Vinny Testaverde - These two guys have more in common than what just meets the eye. For instance, who was the last Cleveland Browns quarterback to win a playoff game? Vinny T. Can you name one of the five members of the Tiffin Calvert golf team to last win a league title? Scotty B. This one is just too close to call.
25. - 28) Norm Duke vs. 101) The Frank Twins - For some reason unbeknown to me, I love this match-up. Pairing Kris and Nic together as one team instead of two individuals should help them collectively move farther as one cohesive unit. But the draw was unkind to them, as they got paired against the best "roller" in this tournament.
24. - 55) Fort Ball Buffet vs. 74) Brady Quinn - This tournament means much more to Fort Ball than it does Brady, assuming that Quinn can gather an at-large birth. Nonetheless, if Quinn wins the inaugural mainstay tourney AND finally gets a chance to lead the Browns this season, his seeding could skyrocket. It's safe to assume that Obama has one of the eight #1 seeds locked up, but Quinn - under that scenario - would be sitting right there with him. A white Republican and a black democrat. That's what this tournament is all about.
23. - 56) Tiffin Calvert vs. 73) Keith Cawley - Got to feel for Cawley a bit. He loses in the Elite Eight of the inaugural F'd Up Tourney to the eventual champion. On his way there, he dispatched the likes of Fidel Castro and top seeded King Kong. What does he get for his hard work? An invitation to the Mainstay Tournament where he will have to win twice to get back to the big dance.
22. - 58) Bart Borer vs. 71) Pizza Hut Lunch Buffet - There is no question that Bart can - and has - destroyed numerous lunch buffets. The question will be whether he can single-handily destroy an entire lunch buffet ORGANIZATION. I wouldn't put it past him, and have to think it's his game to lose. This is a guy who has eaten past full. That's right ... he was eating ... got full ... kept eating .. and was no longer full. Ladies and gentleman ... Bart Borer!
21. - 59) Cool Runnings vs. 70) Jeff Gordon - Two teams who have been mainstays in the KOA's book for more than a decade. Gordon has been itching so badly to get a win, word on the street is that he's been challenging his kids to foot races ... to no avail. Whether or not he can race past the Jamaican bobsled team will remain to be seen. If it's the Swiss-Jamaican team, then Gordon will advance, but if it's "feel the rhythm" team, Gordon may have to move to Attica, Ohio to win a race.
20. - 45) Cleveland Browns vs. 84) Semi-Charmed Life - I want something else ... to get me through this ... semi-charmed kind of life. I want something else ... I'm not listening when you say ... Good-biiiiiiiiiiii. With the direction this Browns organization has been headed the past ten years, my feelings are matched perfectly with this Third Eye Blind song.
19. - 49) Rick Majerus vs. 80) Mitch Richmond - Both these guys are known for basketball in some way, shape (pun intended), or form. But, that's not why they are both in this tournament. Majerus got a spot thanks to his broadcasting career, and Richmond worked his way into Mainstay status due to Hunt's love affair with him on NBA Jam.
18. - 21) Ultimate Drama vs. 108) Wicked Sweet - A card game that got invented during a ridiculously long - and boring - Notre Dame football game battles the 2005 OUIM runner-up ping-pong team (Hunt and myself). Can't go wrong with either choice, but it should be known, the longer my job search takes, the better chance I will attempt to patent Ultimate Drama, because it really is a terrific card game.
17. - 44) Bill Walton vs. 85) Jason Koma - Another one of Hunt's favorites, and anytime you include the greatness that is Bill Walton, you have a compelling match-up. Walton, who has said this about many people, added, "His arrogance is an insult to people who can think." I guess that's what you get when you forget to properly check-out a camera.
16. - 9) Big John vs. 120) Bob "The Wickster" Wickman - Too ... many ... jokes.
15. - 17) Allan Houston vs. 112) B To P - The battle of St. Mary's creations. They are both classic in their own right, and just knowing that one will advance is enough for me. But if you were to ask me which one was better - I'd have to choose Allan Houston. Come on, we picked his last name by blindly picking a city off of a United States map. It was meant to be.
14. - 48) Arby's vs. 81) Gus Johnson - Why doesn't Gus do more commercials? Especially around March Madness time? It's one of those mysteries I will never understand. He should be THE hottest commodity right now, but yet we will be stuck with the same boring commercials throughout the entire NCAA tourney.
13. - 5) Mrs. Bursa's Popcorn vs. 124) Tiffin - A newcomer against a sweet sixteen squad from '06. Tiffin had one of the biggest upsets in the 2006 F'd Up Tourney. They were an #8 seed, beat Cy Young in the 1st Round, and then knocked off the overall #1 seed for the entire tourney, Cool Runnings. Tiffin eventually fell to the kids from The O.C., and are looking to get back in to make some more noise. Can they defeat the delicious tasting popcorn courtesy of Mrs. Bursa? Welcome to the Mainstay tournament.
12. - 1) The Office vs. 128) Alex Lucius - Luckily for Lucius, the Mainstay tourney does not have any spreads, which makes this contest just as much as a toss-up as the rest of them. The Office was the only team to qualify in the 100's, while Lucius was the only team to qualify with a sub-60 score. Think about that for a second ... he shot a 59 ... that's nearly impossible with our format. We are rolling a pair of dice, ten times. Keep a running score, and don't forget about our continuous AND ONE rule on doubles, and you will more than likely be in the 75-85 range. What Lucius did was truly special. But, if you have ever talked to the kid, you already knew he was truly special.
11. - 38) DP's vs. 91) Big Ten Basketball - I'll take 'Things I Don't Want To Spend More Than 5 Minutes With Unless I'm Drunk' for $500 Alex.
10. - 33) Beer vs. 96) Forgetting Sarah Marshall - After seeing this movie with D-Frank, I convinced Hunt it was worth a trip to the theater. But, I would only go if we were drinking ... the entire time. So, we started pre-gaming two hours before the movie started, and then Kevin came up with the idea of sneaking beers into the movies. So, with Bud Light cans stuffed in our jeans and sweat-shirt pockets, we enjoyed this hilarious movie with refreshing Bud Light. The funniest part had to be when we decided to crack open the cans. Hunt typically waited until loud music, or laughter from the crowd. Not me, I waited until it was silent ... and then cracked them open. Fitting they go up against each other. And don't forget ... Beer was the runner-up in the 2006 F'd Up Tourney.
9. - 64) Notre Dame Fighting Irish vs. 65) Structured Randomness - The KOA coined "structured randomness" to describe why Hunt and I loved this F'd Up Tourney idea. We didn't even realize how it perfectly described most of our favorite teams as well. Makes sense that these two are paired in the 64-65 contest. The two teams smack-dab in the middle of the entire tournament.
8. - 39) Fifty On The Fifties vs. 90) Black History Month - You know how The Weather Channel gives local weather reports on the 8's? Well, that was the thought process behind Fifty On The Fifties. In Bromley 310, with our massive speakers, we were going to blast 50 Cent music at 12:50, 1:50, etc. Now, they face Black History Month. Jesse Jackson where are you? This is exactly the pre-Obama stuff you would be all over. Tell me you are not still crying.
7. - 11) Matt Barnes vs. 118) Tom Hamilton - No question the match-up with the most star power. The voice of the Cleveland Indians up against the entity known as Matt Barnes. You can't make this stuff up. Luckily for Barnes, his tournament hopes do not hinge on this match-up. As the third member of the three-person selection committee, he will automatically be in. But, his seeding WILL hinge on this tournament. He got bounced by Taco John's three years ago, so he needs to build some momentum for the big dance. But, if Tom Hamilton has any say, it will be a "SWUNG ON AND MISSED ... BALLGAME!" on Barnes' Mainstay chances.
6. - 57) Major League I and II vs. 72) Casey Blake - You can refer to this contest as The Roger Dorn Championship. Enough said.
5. - 4) LOST vs. 125) Grady Sizemore - Two of my favorites from differing entities. In five seasons, LOST has proved itself to be one of the most groundbreaking and truly unique shows I have ever seen. In five plus seasons, Grady has proved to be the best Indians player this side of Albert Belle. No matter which way you slice it, I will be sad at the conclusion of this titanic match-up.
4. - 42) Lesbians vs. 87) Tim Couch - In the inaugural F'd Up Tourney, an 11-seed named 'Lesbians' took the field by storm. They were unflappable in their upset defeat of Gus Johnson in the first round. They followed up that ground-breaking victory by knocking off the Pizza Hut Lunch Buffet, Notre Dame and Awful on their way to the Final Four. However, yours truly were finally able to "flap" the unflappable Lesbians. Now, in order to make it back to the 2009 F'd Up Tourney, they will have to get by the last Cleveland Browns quarterback to defeat the Pittsburgh Steelers. Game on.
3. - 51) Chris Farley vs. 78) Trainwreck - Does this really need an explanation? Never mistake coincidence for fate.
2. - 7) Butch Davis vs. 122) Bernie Kosar - A pair of Cleveland Browns legends. The Coach vs. The QB. Coach Davis might have bit off more than he can chew, because due to Bernie's recent financial troubles, the quarterback needs to win this thing now more than ever. Butch has been calling us for months now trying to get us to implement the replay system so he can have the ability to challenge.
1. - 31) Yankees "E League" Team vs. 98) David Carr - Only a few of you will realize how this is the best first round Mainstay match-up. Let me attempt to do this ridiculous scenario justice. The easiest to explain are the Yankees. E League was a baseball league for 9-10 year old kids. Well, when I was 10, I played on the Yankees, and we dominated, absolutely dominated the entire league. We went 16-0 (they canceled the championship game because the league decided there would be no point ... true story). We outscored our opponents 196-33. We had four guys bat more than .600 (yours truly went .694, Guss batted an even .800, while Adam Lawrence compiled a .636 average). In short, we were the best team ever compiled in that league. Now, to move on to David Carr, who is a professor at Ohio University. It's hard to put into words how to explain the entity that is David Carr, but Barnes does a good job of it HERE. In short, he was the king of youth athletics. According to himself, he wrote the book on youth sports. My top two David Carr stories are: 1) he was the only downhill skier on his basketball team (as if that meant anything??) and 2) he introduced grass to little kids in Mexico for them to play soccer. And now, these two giants are paired up. My head is about to explode in anticipation.
Okay, that sums it all up. Thanks for staying patient with me. And remember, please VOTE on the four match-ups you want to hear us do live on a podcast. And please don't all vote at once.
Be on the look out for more material surrounding the F'd Up Tourney, as I anticipate the Mainstay tourney getting started very soon.
Until next time, "read it, roll it, hole it."
In PART ONE, we took a look at the lesser half of the 1st Round match-ups for the 2009 Mainstay Tournament. Moving forward, it's time to find out the top 32 pairings. I know the anticipation is probably killing you.
There is one small, albeit important, piece of information that needs to be attended. PLEASE VOTE ON THE FOUR MATCH-UPS YOU WANT TO SEE ADDED AS "PRIME-TIME" GAMES. Kevin and I will roll these live on a podcast. The top ten will all be in the discussion, and you can vote on my sidebar. Vote for the four you want to see the most. If the match-up is not included, then LET US KNOW! Write a comment at the end of the post. We aim to please. You never know, it just might find it's way on air.
Staying with the 1999 movie references, here ... we ... go.
THE 'MATRIX' DIVISION
32. - 40) Cedar Point vs. 89) Bill Simmons - Hard to describe exactly why I am excited for this match-up. It has my favorite writer going up against my favorite amusement park. They both keep me entertained in differing fashions. Funny and insightful writing versus the top thrill dragster. Buckle in folks, this contest has serious momentum swings written all over it. That last sentence is better than you realize. Much better.31. - 27) The Beast vs. 102) Seinfeld - Should be much higher on this list, but both of these entities are retired, so it loses some of it's luster. Each team proved, almost effortlessly, the ability to take an average situation and turn it into a comedic adventure. Time and time again.
30. - 50) New Year's Eve Disco Bash vs. 79) Ernest Byner - For some strange reason Hunt loves this contest. The common link between these two teams has to be the whole "dropping the ball," but Byner "fumbled" it more so than it "dropped." That being said, I have this strange feeling that Byner is on a mission this year. Recent reports from Webster Slaughter confirm this thought.
29. - 60) True Colors vs. 69) Michael Jordan - This is where the Mainstay Tournament really earns its' name. Jordan was bounced in the second round of the '06 F'd Up Tourney, but now has to win TWICE to get back to the 2009 Tourney. If he loses, he's out. Chances are he won't make it as an at-large, and unless he qualifies for the U.S. Open in golf and then goes on to win that tournament, he won't get in as an automatic either. For Jordan, it's win or go home. Knowing his background, chances are, it will be the former.
28. - 30) Gridiron Glory vs. 99) That's What She Said - The entire selection committee was a part of Gridiron Glory, not to mention Barnes acted as host for two solid years. That's What She Said is an upstart team, one that has emerged onto the scene as of late, and at least for this member, is a daily occurrence. Go read that sentence again ... it's much better than you think.
27. - 46) Mitch Hedberg vs. 83) Fuck You - When you buy a box of Ritz crackers, on the back of the box, they have all these suggestions as to what to put on top of the Ritz. "Try it with turkey and cheese. Try it with peanut butter." But I like crackers man, that's why I bought it, 'cause I like crackers! I don't see a suggestion to put a Ritz on top of a Ritz. I didn't buy them because they're little edible plates! You've got no faith in the product itself.
26. - 62) Scotty B vs. 67) Vinny Testaverde - These two guys have more in common than what just meets the eye. For instance, who was the last Cleveland Browns quarterback to win a playoff game? Vinny T. Can you name one of the five members of the Tiffin Calvert golf team to last win a league title? Scotty B. This one is just too close to call.
25. - 28) Norm Duke vs. 101) The Frank Twins - For some reason unbeknown to me, I love this match-up. Pairing Kris and Nic together as one team instead of two individuals should help them collectively move farther as one cohesive unit. But the draw was unkind to them, as they got paired against the best "roller" in this tournament.
24. - 55) Fort Ball Buffet vs. 74) Brady Quinn - This tournament means much more to Fort Ball than it does Brady, assuming that Quinn can gather an at-large birth. Nonetheless, if Quinn wins the inaugural mainstay tourney AND finally gets a chance to lead the Browns this season, his seeding could skyrocket. It's safe to assume that Obama has one of the eight #1 seeds locked up, but Quinn - under that scenario - would be sitting right there with him. A white Republican and a black democrat. That's what this tournament is all about.
23. - 56) Tiffin Calvert vs. 73) Keith Cawley - Got to feel for Cawley a bit. He loses in the Elite Eight of the inaugural F'd Up Tourney to the eventual champion. On his way there, he dispatched the likes of Fidel Castro and top seeded King Kong. What does he get for his hard work? An invitation to the Mainstay Tournament where he will have to win twice to get back to the big dance.
THE 'STAR WARS: EPISODE I - THE PHANTOM MENACE' DIVISION
22. - 58) Bart Borer vs. 71) Pizza Hut Lunch Buffet - There is no question that Bart can - and has - destroyed numerous lunch buffets. The question will be whether he can single-handily destroy an entire lunch buffet ORGANIZATION. I wouldn't put it past him, and have to think it's his game to lose. This is a guy who has eaten past full. That's right ... he was eating ... got full ... kept eating .. and was no longer full. Ladies and gentleman ... Bart Borer!21. - 59) Cool Runnings vs. 70) Jeff Gordon - Two teams who have been mainstays in the KOA's book for more than a decade. Gordon has been itching so badly to get a win, word on the street is that he's been challenging his kids to foot races ... to no avail. Whether or not he can race past the Jamaican bobsled team will remain to be seen. If it's the Swiss-Jamaican team, then Gordon will advance, but if it's "feel the rhythm" team, Gordon may have to move to Attica, Ohio to win a race.
20. - 45) Cleveland Browns vs. 84) Semi-Charmed Life - I want something else ... to get me through this ... semi-charmed kind of life. I want something else ... I'm not listening when you say ... Good-biiiiiiiiiiii. With the direction this Browns organization has been headed the past ten years, my feelings are matched perfectly with this Third Eye Blind song.
19. - 49) Rick Majerus vs. 80) Mitch Richmond - Both these guys are known for basketball in some way, shape (pun intended), or form. But, that's not why they are both in this tournament. Majerus got a spot thanks to his broadcasting career, and Richmond worked his way into Mainstay status due to Hunt's love affair with him on NBA Jam.
18. - 21) Ultimate Drama vs. 108) Wicked Sweet - A card game that got invented during a ridiculously long - and boring - Notre Dame football game battles the 2005 OUIM runner-up ping-pong team (Hunt and myself). Can't go wrong with either choice, but it should be known, the longer my job search takes, the better chance I will attempt to patent Ultimate Drama, because it really is a terrific card game.
17. - 44) Bill Walton vs. 85) Jason Koma - Another one of Hunt's favorites, and anytime you include the greatness that is Bill Walton, you have a compelling match-up. Walton, who has said this about many people, added, "His arrogance is an insult to people who can think." I guess that's what you get when you forget to properly check-out a camera.
THE 'SIXTH SENSE' DIVISION
16. - 9) Big John vs. 120) Bob "The Wickster" Wickman - Too ... many ... jokes.15. - 17) Allan Houston vs. 112) B To P - The battle of St. Mary's creations. They are both classic in their own right, and just knowing that one will advance is enough for me. But if you were to ask me which one was better - I'd have to choose Allan Houston. Come on, we picked his last name by blindly picking a city off of a United States map. It was meant to be.
14. - 48) Arby's vs. 81) Gus Johnson - Why doesn't Gus do more commercials? Especially around March Madness time? It's one of those mysteries I will never understand. He should be THE hottest commodity right now, but yet we will be stuck with the same boring commercials throughout the entire NCAA tourney.
13. - 5) Mrs. Bursa's Popcorn vs. 124) Tiffin - A newcomer against a sweet sixteen squad from '06. Tiffin had one of the biggest upsets in the 2006 F'd Up Tourney. They were an #8 seed, beat Cy Young in the 1st Round, and then knocked off the overall #1 seed for the entire tourney, Cool Runnings. Tiffin eventually fell to the kids from The O.C., and are looking to get back in to make some more noise. Can they defeat the delicious tasting popcorn courtesy of Mrs. Bursa? Welcome to the Mainstay tournament.
12. - 1) The Office vs. 128) Alex Lucius - Luckily for Lucius, the Mainstay tourney does not have any spreads, which makes this contest just as much as a toss-up as the rest of them. The Office was the only team to qualify in the 100's, while Lucius was the only team to qualify with a sub-60 score. Think about that for a second ... he shot a 59 ... that's nearly impossible with our format. We are rolling a pair of dice, ten times. Keep a running score, and don't forget about our continuous AND ONE rule on doubles, and you will more than likely be in the 75-85 range. What Lucius did was truly special. But, if you have ever talked to the kid, you already knew he was truly special.
11. - 38) DP's vs. 91) Big Ten Basketball - I'll take 'Things I Don't Want To Spend More Than 5 Minutes With Unless I'm Drunk' for $500 Alex.
THE 'GREEN MILE' DIVISION
10. - 33) Beer vs. 96) Forgetting Sarah Marshall - After seeing this movie with D-Frank, I convinced Hunt it was worth a trip to the theater. But, I would only go if we were drinking ... the entire time. So, we started pre-gaming two hours before the movie started, and then Kevin came up with the idea of sneaking beers into the movies. So, with Bud Light cans stuffed in our jeans and sweat-shirt pockets, we enjoyed this hilarious movie with refreshing Bud Light. The funniest part had to be when we decided to crack open the cans. Hunt typically waited until loud music, or laughter from the crowd. Not me, I waited until it was silent ... and then cracked them open. Fitting they go up against each other. And don't forget ... Beer was the runner-up in the 2006 F'd Up Tourney.9. - 64) Notre Dame Fighting Irish vs. 65) Structured Randomness - The KOA coined "structured randomness" to describe why Hunt and I loved this F'd Up Tourney idea. We didn't even realize how it perfectly described most of our favorite teams as well. Makes sense that these two are paired in the 64-65 contest. The two teams smack-dab in the middle of the entire tournament.
8. - 39) Fifty On The Fifties vs. 90) Black History Month - You know how The Weather Channel gives local weather reports on the 8's? Well, that was the thought process behind Fifty On The Fifties. In Bromley 310, with our massive speakers, we were going to blast 50 Cent music at 12:50, 1:50, etc. Now, they face Black History Month. Jesse Jackson where are you? This is exactly the pre-Obama stuff you would be all over. Tell me you are not still crying.
7. - 11) Matt Barnes vs. 118) Tom Hamilton - No question the match-up with the most star power. The voice of the Cleveland Indians up against the entity known as Matt Barnes. You can't make this stuff up. Luckily for Barnes, his tournament hopes do not hinge on this match-up. As the third member of the three-person selection committee, he will automatically be in. But, his seeding WILL hinge on this tournament. He got bounced by Taco John's three years ago, so he needs to build some momentum for the big dance. But, if Tom Hamilton has any say, it will be a "SWUNG ON AND MISSED ... BALLGAME!" on Barnes' Mainstay chances.
6. - 57) Major League I and II vs. 72) Casey Blake - You can refer to this contest as The Roger Dorn Championship. Enough said.
THE 'AMERICAN BEAUTY' DIVISION
5. - 4) LOST vs. 125) Grady Sizemore - Two of my favorites from differing entities. In five seasons, LOST has proved itself to be one of the most groundbreaking and truly unique shows I have ever seen. In five plus seasons, Grady has proved to be the best Indians player this side of Albert Belle. No matter which way you slice it, I will be sad at the conclusion of this titanic match-up.4. - 42) Lesbians vs. 87) Tim Couch - In the inaugural F'd Up Tourney, an 11-seed named 'Lesbians' took the field by storm. They were unflappable in their upset defeat of Gus Johnson in the first round. They followed up that ground-breaking victory by knocking off the Pizza Hut Lunch Buffet, Notre Dame and Awful on their way to the Final Four. However, yours truly were finally able to "flap" the unflappable Lesbians. Now, in order to make it back to the 2009 F'd Up Tourney, they will have to get by the last Cleveland Browns quarterback to defeat the Pittsburgh Steelers. Game on.
3. - 51) Chris Farley vs. 78) Trainwreck - Does this really need an explanation? Never mistake coincidence for fate.
2. - 7) Butch Davis vs. 122) Bernie Kosar - A pair of Cleveland Browns legends. The Coach vs. The QB. Coach Davis might have bit off more than he can chew, because due to Bernie's recent financial troubles, the quarterback needs to win this thing now more than ever. Butch has been calling us for months now trying to get us to implement the replay system so he can have the ability to challenge.
1. - 31) Yankees "E League" Team vs. 98) David Carr - Only a few of you will realize how this is the best first round Mainstay match-up. Let me attempt to do this ridiculous scenario justice. The easiest to explain are the Yankees. E League was a baseball league for 9-10 year old kids. Well, when I was 10, I played on the Yankees, and we dominated, absolutely dominated the entire league. We went 16-0 (they canceled the championship game because the league decided there would be no point ... true story). We outscored our opponents 196-33. We had four guys bat more than .600 (yours truly went .694, Guss batted an even .800, while Adam Lawrence compiled a .636 average). In short, we were the best team ever compiled in that league. Now, to move on to David Carr, who is a professor at Ohio University. It's hard to put into words how to explain the entity that is David Carr, but Barnes does a good job of it HERE. In short, he was the king of youth athletics. According to himself, he wrote the book on youth sports. My top two David Carr stories are: 1) he was the only downhill skier on his basketball team (as if that meant anything??) and 2) he introduced grass to little kids in Mexico for them to play soccer. And now, these two giants are paired up. My head is about to explode in anticipation.
Okay, that sums it all up. Thanks for staying patient with me. And remember, please VOTE on the four match-ups you want to hear us do live on a podcast. And please don't all vote at once.
Be on the look out for more material surrounding the F'd Up Tourney, as I anticipate the Mainstay tourney getting started very soon.
Until next time, "read it, roll it, hole it."
3 comments:
Tiffin Calvert ain't got shit on me! I took down Fidel, I can take them down, too!
I want another shot at them lesbians!
Keith
In my competition against the office, I will be proudly representing the Cleveland Browns and also America. I have chosen the browns because they are absolutely terrible but they are good for at least one upset every season. I chose America because I feel that there are way to many foreigners associated with the office (although I've never seen it, i'm sure there are illegal aliens somewhere involving the show) and because I am the model American citizen.
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