Week five saw three new special sections as Bart Borer, Ryan Polito and Jason Fazzone all contributed new material. As you will soon read, Bart might be emerging himself as the fan-favorite for the special section award. It's a must-read. Even if you've never met him.
As for Polito and Fazzone, well the feud is squarely on. They both make compelling arguments and it will be interesting to see how it plays out the next couple of weeks.
Enjoy.
Bart's Thoughts That Matter - Vol. III - Num. II
By: Bart BorerSince the last time we talked I had a very interesting visit to Sin City. As I had a very bad head cold when I arrived in Vegas, my visit came in like a lamb. My first two nights were rather tame and included activities such as blowing my nose about a million times, trying to get my ears to pressurize correctly, taking ample amounts of Sudafed, Benadryl, Ludens, and Halls cough drops, and taking long bubble baths (stop laughing, I’m actually serious about that). I also did a lot of walking which led to a lot of chafing which was about as much fun as getting punched in the balls – really not all that fun.
This is where the “in like a lamb” ended.
I had finally kicked my cold and I was starting to feel a little better. On Wednesday after I finished my “work” for the day, I was planning my night and I knew the only thing I had to do was get on my plane that was leaving at 10:40 am the next morning. That pretty much left my night wide open.
Since I was in Sin City I figured I may as well visit one, or two, or as many as possible of the many gentlemen’s establishments. It should be pretty evident that I wanted some boobies in and around my face area. I also thought since Vegas has some of the best bars/clubs in the whole world, I would check a few of those out as well. So in preparation for my big night, I decided to go to happy hour that was located in the bar in my hotel – “The C Bar” at the Stratosphere.
This is where things took a turn for the worse.
The Happy Hour special at “The C Bar” was right in line with everything else in the Capitol City of Self-Indulgence. It included all-you-can-drink Draft Beer, Martinis, and Margaritas for $19.99. I was in heaven. The deal lasted from 4-8 pm and it was already 6 pm, so I had some catching up to do to make it worth my while, but I was up to the challenge.
When I ordered my first Margarita the bartender casually pointed out that if I drank five Margaritas, it would make the deal more than worth it. He had obviously never seen me drink. He did not know this, but when I sat down, I had fully intended on drinking 20 Margaritas.
Well when 8 pm rolled around, my time was up. I had only finished 15 of those rascally drinks. Now that I was good and buzzed, or so I thought, I wanted to go grab some dinner and get on with my big night on the town. This is where my memory gets a little fuzzy.
After my bartender poured my #16, I took the drink and started walking toward the buffet located in the other end of the casino. Well, not to end the story suddenly, but next thing that I remember is waking up, in my room, laying the wrong way in the bed, at 9 am, ass naked.
That was an odd feeling to say the least.
So in my infinite morning wisdom, my first thought was to try to figure out what time my flight was, because apparently 16 Margaritas makes you forget things like that. So I fired up my laptop and went to the table that was in the room as you first walk in the door.
I didn’t think that the cleaning lady came at 9 am and I don’t think she estimated that there would be a 350 pound naked man sitting at the table when she came to my room. Well we were both wrong and it led to a medium amount of awkwardness for both of us.
Except for missing my original flight to go home, the rest of the trip went as planned and now that it is three days later, I am not hungover anymore. That’s all.
Until next time: Peace. Love. Strippers.
Po's Knowledge Dropping - Vol. II - Num. IV
Week 4 in Review
By: Ryan PolitoMOST DOMINANT- POLAND SEMINARY BULLDOGS FOOTBALL TEAM
Expectations for my former High School's football team have been low ever since the departure of long-time head coach Paul Hulea. The team was taken over by former Youngstown State QB, and fellow Steelers fan, Mark Brungard.
Everyone criticized Brungard for being too conservative and not being able to win big games. However, last season Brungard got the Bulldogs to the playoffs before being knocked out in the 2nd round. A great season, but nothing compared to the way the 2009 campaign has started.
The Bulldogs entered Friday nights game an impressive 6-0 and ready to go up against the also undefeated (6-0) Howland Tigers. Not only did Poland win, they shutout the high powered Tigers 17-0.
Poland is now ranked # 2 in the entire state for Div. II, just behind their rival city, # 1 Cardinal Mooney.
This sets up one of the biggest games in the history of Poland football next Friday night. The Bulldogs (7-0) will march down to Steubenville, Ohio to face the Steubenville Big Red. Not only is Steubenville 7-0, but they also hold a 65-game winning streak at home, and are 84-4 since 2002 with state titles galore.
Poland Bulldogs (7-0) vs Steubenville Big Red (7-0)- Friday Night; I’ll have an update next week, but I fear Poland getting crushed.
LEAST DOMINANT- ‘LOST’ RELATED JOKES FROM 'IN THE ZONE'
Last week, In The Zone made a point to make fun of me for mentioning LOST in my section. Obviously he has no idea the power of that TV show, but thats beside the point here. The fact that the majority of this group loves LOST is the reason I always bring it up; people see 'LOST'
and they want to read what I have to say.
This is quite the opposite to what In The Zone is doing. Every week he thinks its smart to break down every Steelers game. The fact that I am the only other Steelers fan in this group should tell you how many people actually read your section.
So here’s a question I think Luke Florence needs to ask himself before he puts In The Zone at #1 again on the special sections standings ... How many people in this group (full of NON-Steelers fans) are actually reading a five paragraph essay breaking down the Steelers every single week???
Thank you and goodbye until next week.
IN THE ZONE - Vol. I - Num VI
…WHERE WE ARE TAKING OVER DETROIT SUNDAY
By: Jason FazzoneTo Ryan Polito: So do the Least Dominant awards actually exist in paper or trophy form? I need something to put up next to my Special Sections championship award in January.
Now that that’s over, let’s get to the Polito of the Week. This week’s award goes to whoever the hell gave Barack Obama the Nobel Peace Prize. Obama has done the following to promote peace around the world ……
Pretty long list, if I do say so myself – worthy of receiving such a prestigious honor.
Anyway, onto the Steelers. I’m not eating crow yet after Rashard Mendenhall’s monster game against the Chargers Sunday night – the Chargers’ defense has been poor against the run, Jamal Williams was out and Shawne Merriman was less than 100 percent.
Not to take away from Mendenhall – he looked much more determined when he touched the football, losing the tentativeness that he displayed in his first couple games this year. Mike Tomlin may have finally awoken a sleeping giant, but we won’t know for sure until the Vikings game later this month. That will be Mendenhall’s first true test.
While I’m still on the running game, the signing of Carey Davis may have been the biggest signing of the season for the Steelers. Davis, who was cut at the end of preseason, is the fullback the Steelers desperately need in the running game. Pittsburgh struggled mightily running out of single-back sets. Using Davis and even backup lineman Doug “Bronko” Legursky as a lead blocker should improve the Steelers’ running game going forward. It’s definitely something to monitor as the season progresses.
Something else to monitor is the defense, which has been terrible in the fourth quarter this season. They played like the game was in the bag last week and almost paid dearly for it. Someone, whether it be Tomlin, or Dick LeBeau, or one of the veterans, needs to step up and light a fire under these guys for 60 minutes. I don’t expect the situation to get any better in the next couple weeks with games against the Lions and Browns coming up.
Detroit is this week’s opponent, and yours truly is making the trek to Ford Field (and checking out Greektown before the game). The past two times the Steelers have played a game in Detroit were Super Bowl XL and the Thanksgiving Day coin-toss debacle; this game will not be as interesting.
Lions coach Jim Schwartz won’t say who will be starting under center, but it really doesn’t matter. It could be Matthew Stafford, Daunte Culpepper, hell, even Scott Mitchell, but I expect this game to be over after three quarters. Will it get close again in the fourth? God, I hope not.
Yes, this week’s column is shorter than usual, but it’s Detroit Week. I probably won’t even have to do one for Cleveland Week. There will be a full Detroit trip report next week.
Until next time, go Steelers!
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Sorry for the delay in getting these sections out there, but better late than never.
Until next time, "read it, roll it, hole it."
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