Up first, the man known as Alex Lucius. His thoughts for the week have always been great, but this one might be his best.
ALEX LUCIUS' THOUGHTS FOR THE WEEK
"holy hell, i am drunker than a monkey right now, but you know what, my cousin is dating a cleveland browns player. how awesome is that? like for people reading this, its not like my 3rd or 2nd cousin this is my actual first cousin like me and her grew up together and like she will say yea alex is pretty much my favorite cousin and he will be bruce's best man if they get married. how cool is that? im practically on the browns right now. if anyone wants my autograph well then piss off. i can not wait until ken dorsey dies next week ( he will actually die) and they show bruce gradkowskis family and it will be me my cousin miranda and all of his family and i will just be yelling everything about romeo and donato's and how i love jared rosenberger and hunt is short. and they will be like " thats bruces cousin in law, hes hammered" and ill be like "well duh". bart knows what im talking about. how the hell is josh florence good at this? i love the kid to death but he just is good every week, how? i dont know. and thank god whoever justin is decided to suck recently he was good, but whatever. and barnes, ur in last, if this was february, u would be in first. big gulps huh? sweet cya later. i gotta get me some boats and hoes."
Yep, that's an unedited account of what Alex Lucius was thinking about this week. A+ effort.
Okay, now to Jake Young. He has proven time and time again to be the 2008 version of Jeff Normand, and this is what is on Jake's mind with the week 14 match-ups.
"Jacksonville @ Chicago (-6.5)
The Pick; Chicago
The Jags just want this season to end, and the Bears should have a renewed vigor after seeing the Williamses fall for the Vikes.
Minnesota (-8) @ Detroit
The Pick: Minnesota
There's a chance for a letdown, but AD isn't going to let that happen against the Lions I expect.
Houston @ Green Bay (-5.5)
The Pick: Green Bay
Another Packer pick I have very little confidence in. I hate when I have to feel that way, especially against the Texans.
Cincinnati @ Indianapolis (-13.5)
The Pick: Cincinnati
They won't win, but I feel like they'll keep it close.
Atlanta @ New Orleans (-3)
The Pick: Atlanta
Matty Ice and The Burner...that's enough for me
Philadelphia @ New York Giants (-7)
The Pick: New York Giants
I'd be crazy to pick against this team right now.
Cleveland @ Tennessee (-14)
The Pick: Tennessee
If Josh Cribbs come in at quarterback, I say Cleveland covers. With Ken Dorsey, nope.
Miami v. Buffalo (-1) (At Toronto)
The Pick: Miami
Buffalo=the ship is sinking!!!! How many times do I have to say it??
Kansas City @ Denver (-9)
The Pick: Kansas City
I don't trust Denver covering 9
New York Jets (-4) @ San Francisco
The Pick: New York Jets
Brett better get back on track against the Niners after last week's debacle.
St. Louis @ Arizona (-14)
The Pick: Arizona
St. Louis has no chance in my opinion.
Dallas @ Pittsburgh (-3)
The Pick: Pittsburgh
I think the Steelers are a force to be reckoned with
New England (-5) @ Seattle
The Pick: New England
Seattle is just plain bad.
Washington @ Baltimore (-5)
The Pick: Baltimore
They have improved rapidly, and I'm cool with it.
MONDAY, DECEMBER 8TH
Tampa Bay @ Carolina (-3)
The Pick: Tampa Bay
I just think the Bucs are a better team."
Moving on to Matt Barnes, who despite being in last place has been trying valiantly to get out of that hole. With Michael Grothaus and Braves apparently done for the year, the forecast is sunny for Barnes NOT finishing in dead last.
"Chicago - Something about warm-weather Jacksonville going to play in cold-weather Chicago. That and I think the Jags suck.
Minnesota - If the Lions are going to win a game, it's gotta be this one. Daunte's Revenge possibly
Green Bay - A must-win for the Packers. so they'll let out all their anger on the Texans. Plus, the weather thing again.
Cincinnati - The Bengals are bad. But they're not -13.5 underdogs bad.
Atlanta - No love for the Falcons. Better record, better team, but not favored against the defense-less Saints. Odd.
Philadelphia - Call me crazy but I think McNabb has been awakened. And with Westbrook playing, I like the chances for an upset.
Tennessee - Ken Dorsey? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Miami - Hey, at least this game is better than a Blue Jays game.
Denver - Remember when Barack Obama spoke at that stadium? Man, that was powerful.
New York Jets - I'm pretty sure Brett Favre doesn't like the heat I'm not sold on the Niners to beat this caliber of a team yet.
Arizona - Division title on the line for the Cards. And they're at home. They'll beat the Rams like Oklahoma beat Missouri
Pittsburgh - Without Barber, I don't think the Cowboys have enough to stay close with the Steelers.
New England - Nothing good is happening in the state of Washington. Why should it start now?
Baltimore - Only good reason to watch this game: John Madden.
Tampa Bay - Nothing against the Panthers but their offense still doesn't excite me."
If your picks match Barnes, that's not good news."holy hell, i am drunker than a monkey right now, but you know what, my cousin is dating a cleveland browns player. how awesome is that? like for people reading this, its not like my 3rd or 2nd cousin this is my actual first cousin like me and her grew up together and like she will say yea alex is pretty much my favorite cousin and he will be bruce's best man if they get married. how cool is that? im practically on the browns right now. if anyone wants my autograph well then piss off. i can not wait until ken dorsey dies next week ( he will actually die) and they show bruce gradkowskis family and it will be me my cousin miranda and all of his family and i will just be yelling everything about romeo and donato's and how i love jared rosenberger and hunt is short. and they will be like " thats bruces cousin in law, hes hammered" and ill be like "well duh". bart knows what im talking about. how the hell is josh florence good at this? i love the kid to death but he just is good every week, how? i dont know. and thank god whoever justin is decided to suck recently he was good, but whatever. and barnes, ur in last, if this was february, u would be in first. big gulps huh? sweet cya later. i gotta get me some boats and hoes."
Yep, that's an unedited account of what Alex Lucius was thinking about this week. A+ effort.
Okay, now to Jake Young. He has proven time and time again to be the 2008 version of Jeff Normand, and this is what is on Jake's mind with the week 14 match-ups.
"Jacksonville @ Chicago (-6.5)
The Pick; Chicago
The Jags just want this season to end, and the Bears should have a renewed vigor after seeing the Williamses fall for the Vikes.
Minnesota (-8) @ Detroit
The Pick: Minnesota
There's a chance for a letdown, but AD isn't going to let that happen against the Lions I expect.
Houston @ Green Bay (-5.5)
The Pick: Green Bay
Another Packer pick I have very little confidence in. I hate when I have to feel that way, especially against the Texans.
Cincinnati @ Indianapolis (-13.5)
The Pick: Cincinnati
They won't win, but I feel like they'll keep it close.
Atlanta @ New Orleans (-3)
The Pick: Atlanta
Matty Ice and The Burner...that's enough for me
Philadelphia @ New York Giants (-7)
The Pick: New York Giants
I'd be crazy to pick against this team right now.
Cleveland @ Tennessee (-14)
The Pick: Tennessee
If Josh Cribbs come in at quarterback, I say Cleveland covers. With Ken Dorsey, nope.
Miami v. Buffalo (-1) (At Toronto)
The Pick: Miami
Buffalo=the ship is sinking!!!! How many times do I have to say it??
Kansas City @ Denver (-9)
The Pick: Kansas City
I don't trust Denver covering 9
New York Jets (-4) @ San Francisco
The Pick: New York Jets
Brett better get back on track against the Niners after last week's debacle.
St. Louis @ Arizona (-14)
The Pick: Arizona
St. Louis has no chance in my opinion.
Dallas @ Pittsburgh (-3)
The Pick: Pittsburgh
I think the Steelers are a force to be reckoned with
New England (-5) @ Seattle
The Pick: New England
Seattle is just plain bad.
Washington @ Baltimore (-5)
The Pick: Baltimore
They have improved rapidly, and I'm cool with it.
MONDAY, DECEMBER 8TH
Tampa Bay @ Carolina (-3)
The Pick: Tampa Bay
I just think the Bucs are a better team."
Moving on to Matt Barnes, who despite being in last place has been trying valiantly to get out of that hole. With Michael Grothaus and Braves apparently done for the year, the forecast is sunny for Barnes NOT finishing in dead last.
"Chicago - Something about warm-weather Jacksonville going to play in cold-weather Chicago. That and I think the Jags suck.
Minnesota - If the Lions are going to win a game, it's gotta be this one. Daunte's Revenge possibly
Green Bay - A must-win for the Packers. so they'll let out all their anger on the Texans. Plus, the weather thing again.
Cincinnati - The Bengals are bad. But they're not -13.5 underdogs bad.
Atlanta - No love for the Falcons. Better record, better team, but not favored against the defense-less Saints. Odd.
Philadelphia - Call me crazy but I think McNabb has been awakened. And with Westbrook playing, I like the chances for an upset.
Tennessee - Ken Dorsey? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Miami - Hey, at least this game is better than a Blue Jays game.
Denver - Remember when Barack Obama spoke at that stadium? Man, that was powerful.
New York Jets - I'm pretty sure Brett Favre doesn't like the heat I'm not sold on the Niners to beat this caliber of a team yet.
Arizona - Division title on the line for the Cards. And they're at home. They'll beat the Rams like Oklahoma beat Missouri
Pittsburgh - Without Barber, I don't think the Cowboys have enough to stay close with the Steelers.
New England - Nothing good is happening in the state of Washington. Why should it start now?
Baltimore - Only good reason to watch this game: John Madden.
Tampa Bay - Nothing against the Panthers but their offense still doesn't excite me."
Finally we go to Kevin Hunt, who is at the Green Bay Packers game today. He bought one ticket (I'm not sure why) and will be freezing the entire time. But, Kevin loves being cold, so he should have a great time.
"Jacksonville @ Chicago (-6.5) -- CHI
Jags have no reason for playing well in the cold.
Minnesota (-8) @ Detroit -- MINN
Maxine Hunt Pick of the Week -- Here is my mom's text message, verbatim...
"Loser lions no way should be minn to win and i think Vikings have horns on their helmets or they should"
If that actually means she's taking the Lions, then so be it.
Houston @ Green Bay (-5.5) -- GB
Back the Pack cause the Pack is Back! I nearly put money on them to win the division, just because the return would be so good. But then I realized they're 2 back with 4 to play. Where did this NFL season go?
Cincinnati @ Indianapolis (-13.5) -- INDY
Another line ending in .5 -- I like it.
Atlanta @ New Orleans (-3) -- NO
The Saints missed Reggie Bush more than they even know. And I miss Notre Dame football more than the casual observer knows. We used to say, "There's always Irish Basketball" but they got beat by OSU tonight. OF ALL THE TEAMS!&*^!)*@^!@! I almost exploded at work -- to the point that Woody mentioned, "You're out of your element right now aren't you?" Saturdays at work with sports are a mess.
Philadelphia @ New York Giants (-7) -- NYG
Ballbuster Pick of the Week -- Took the 7th game because I'm going to Lambeau on the 7th and I took the team whose name is first alphabetically... for no real reason.
Cleveland @ Tennessee (-14) -- TENN
They're at home, playing for the division, against a team led by Ken Dorsey. If they already wrapped up the division, I might... MIGHT... have gone with the Browns. Long live Vinny Testaverde.
Miami v. Buffalo (-1) (At Toronto) -- MIA
Why wouldn't the Bills play this game in the early part of the year? You take a Miami team and fly them up to a dome? So, so stupid. The Wildcats will thrive indoors.
Side note: When the Bills inevitably move to Toronto, will they change the team name? I vote for a sponsored name, like the New York in the MLS. Toronto Captain Morgans work for me. Call them the Caps for short. The fans could chant, "Morgie Morgie Morgie!!!!!" And a few could dress up as the Rummy Cokes (similar to Charlie's Fryes, but much cooler). Let's make this happen!!
Kansas City @ Denver (-9) -- DEN
Who are the Chefs? If you can find me a video link to this Snickers commercial of years past, I will love you forever.
New York Jets (-4) @ San Francisco -- NYJ
Maxine chose them two weeks in a row that they covered (I think, I don't even remember her picks that well). I'm in Green Bay, so why shouldn't the former Packer win in my presence. Suddenly I HATE my pick, only because I tried to reason it out. Damn myself.
St. Louis @ Arizona (-14) -- ARI
Thanks to the Rams for allowing the Browns to be tied for biggest underdog of the week. Maybe the Browns should change the stadium endzone name to the UnderDawg Pound. When were they last favored? Seems like eons.
Dallas @ Pittsburgh (-3) -- DAL
I hope the city blows up during this game, with some flying shrapnel taking out most of Columbus. The Cowboys are without their top two backs. Good luck.
New England (-5) @ Seattle -- NE
You know that huge card of "plays" that Mike Holmgren holds up and uses to cover his mouth during games? It actually doesn't have plays. It has the lyrics to Alan Jackson's "Remember When." And he holds it up so people don't see him singing to himself. Holmgren, too, used to be in Green Bay. I will eat 17 bratwurst this weekend just for him. But I refuse to put fries in my pocket.
Washington @ Baltimore (-5) -- BALT
I think these cities are close to each other. We'll call it rivalry week. And I'll take the home team to cover.
"Crab cakes and football!! That's what Maryland does!!"
Tampa Bay @ Carolina (-3) -- CAR
You know who I love? Evan Shaw. You know who loves the Panthers? Evan Shaw. Do you know where Lucius's pants are? Neither did he Thanksgiving morning. I know, I'm adorable."
Got to love it. Quick sidenote, my body-guard, Bart Borer picked EVERY team who wears the darker colored jerseys. The thinking being that they will retain heat better than the lighter colored team. We will see.
Here is a run-down of everyone's picks.
LUCIUS: JAX, DET, HOU, CIN, ATL, NYG, CLE, MIA, KC, NYJ, STL, DAL, NE, WAS, TB
JOSH: CHI, DET, GB, CIN, NO, PHI, CLE, BUF, DEN, NYJ, ARI, DAL, SEA, BAL, TB
DEVIN: JAX, MIN, GB, CIN, NO, NYG, TEN, MIA, DEN, NYJ, ARI, PIT, NE, BAL, TB
LUKE: JAX, MIN, GB, CIN, NO, NYG, TEN, BUF, DEN, NYJ, STL, PIT, NE, WAS, CAR
BRIAN: CHI, MIN, GB, CIN, ATL, NYG, TEN, MIA, KC, NYJ, ARI, DAL, NE, WAS, TB
CHEWY: CHI, MIN, GB, CIN, NO, NYG, CLE, BUF, DEN, NYJ, ARI, PIT, NE, WAS, TB
JUSTIN: CHI, DET, GB, IND, NO, PHI, CLE, MIA, KC, NYJ, STL, PIT, NE, BAL, TB
SHANE: CHI, GB, IND, ATL, PHI, TEN, MIA, DEN, NYJ, ARI, DAL, NE, BAL, TB
POLITO: JAX, DET, HOU, CIN, ATL, PHI, CLE, MIA, KC, SF, STL, DAL, SEA, WAS, TB
KEVIN: CHI, MIN, GB, IND, NO, NYG, TEN, MIA, DEN, NYJ, ARI, DAL, NE, BAL, CAR
BURSA: CHI, MIN, GB, CIN, NO, PHI, TEN, BUF, DEN, NYJ, STL, DAL, NE, BAL, CAR
GROTHAUS: NO PICKS
RAPKING: CHI, MIN, GB, CIN, NO, NYG, CLE, BUF, DEN, NYJ, ARI, PIT, NE, BAL, TB
JEFF: JAX, MIN, HOU, CIN, ATL, NYG, CLE, BUF, DEN, NYJ, ARI, DAL, NE, BAL, TB
BART: DARKER COLORED JERSEYS
BRAVES: NO PICKS
SARA: JAX, MIN, GB, IND, ATL, PHI, TEN, BUF, DEN, SF, ARI, DAL, NE, BAL, CAR
JAKE: CHI, MIN, GB, CIN, ATL, NYG, TEN, MIA, KC, NYJ, ARI, PIT, NE, BAL, TB
CURTIS: JAX, MIN, HOU, IND, ATL, NYG, CLE, BUF, DEN, SF, ARI, DAL, NE, BAL, CAR
BARNES: CHI, MIN, GB, CIN, ATL, PHI, TEN, MIA, DEN, NYJ, ARI, PIT, NE, BAL, TB
There you go guys. Sorry for the rushed post, but plans changed overnight. Be that as it may, we will be back after the Browns game to update this post, make some comments, and clean it up a touch. Just wanted to make sure this was done before the games started. Best of luck, and until next time, "read it, roll it, hole it."
P.S. Make sure to check out the four week to go post which follows this column.
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