Tuesday, December 29, 2009

2009 NFL ATS Pick 'Em: Week Sixteen Standings

By: Luke Florence

It never ceases to amaze me how quickly the NFL regular season flies by. It seems like we just got done introducing our league members and dishing out silly Las Vegas odds. Fast-forward four months later and we have only 16 games left. Go figure.

Nick Lay all but clinched first place and could make a run at an all-time record. By going 12-4 last week, Lay opened up a four-game lead on second place. If Lay somehow goes 12-4 again this week, he would tie the all-time ATS record of 150-106 set by yours truly in 2007.

Justin Whelan also went 12-4 and vaulted himself into second place, a game ahead of the KOA and two games ahead of Jamie Reamer. It would appear as if that quartet will likely finish in the top four (order yet to be determined), with the fifth spot being the one up for grabs. Last season Brian Boesch came from outside the money the very last week of the season, and it should be interesting to see if that happens again.

Remember, we will settle ALL TIES (even those outside the top-five) sudden-death style involving the playoff games. More information to come when we get closer to that possibility.

2009 NFL ATS PICK 'EM: WEEK SIXTEEN STANDINGS (week sixteen standings in parentheses)
1) Nick Lay 138-102 (12-4)
2) Justin Whelan 134-106 (12-4)
3) Luke Florence 133-107 (7-9)
4) Jamie Reamer 132-108 (8-8)
5) Kevin Hunt 129-111 (9-7)
5) Shane Kline 129-111 (10-6)
7) Eric Hug 127-113 (4-12)
7) Matt Barnes 127-113 (7-9)
7) Billy Wakefield 127-113 (9-7)
10) Corey Taylor 126-114 (8-8)
11) Luke Polito 123-117 (11-5)
12) Erik Smith 121-119 (6-10)
12) Jeff Schaffer 121-119 (8-8)
12) Chris Woodard 121-119 (10-6)
12) Jake Young 121-119 (11-5)
16) Brian Boesch 120-120 (10-6)
17) Jeff Normand 119-121 (8-8)
18) Anthony Tynan 118-122 (5-11)
19) Ryan Polito 117-123 (8-8)
20) Chris Rapking 114-126 (3-13)
21) Devin Frank 111-129 (9-7)
22) Jason Fazzone 110-130 (6-10)
23) Josh Florence 108-132 (5-11)
24) Bart Borer 99-141 (8-8)

You know, had Bart just picked the opposite team every game he would be three games up on Nick Lay. Just food for thought.

Until next time, "read it, roll it, hole it."

Sunday, December 27, 2009

2009 NFL ATS Pick 'Em: Week Sixteen

By: Luke Florence

Here are my week sixteen picks. Enjoy the football.

PICKS: NO, ATL, DEN, MIA, GB, NYG, OAK, JAX, CIN, PIT, ARI, DET, IND, DAL, MIN

Until next time, "read it, roll it, hole it."

Friday, December 25, 2009

2009 NFL ATS Pick 'Em: Week Fifteen Standings

By: Luke Florence

Sorry for the delay. Here they are. For the record, I'm backing the San Diego Chargers this evening.

2009 NFL ATS PICK 'EM: WEEK FIFTEEN STANDINGS (week 15 record in parentheses)
1) Luke Florence 126-98 (7-9)
1) Nick Lay 126-98 (9-7)
3) Jamie Reamer 124-100 (7-9)
4) Eric Hug 123-101 (7-9)
5) Justin Whelan 122-102 (7-9)
6) Matt Barnes 120-104 (7-9)
6) Kevin Hunt 120-104 (11-5)
8) Shane Kline 119-105 (8-8)
9) Billy Wakefield 118-106 (6-10)
9) Corey Taylor 118-106 (9-7)
11) Erik Smith 115-109 (6-10)
12) Anthony Tynan 113-111 (8-8)
12) Jeff Schaffer 113-111 (8-8)
14) Luke Polito 112-112 (6-10)
15) Jeff Normand 111-113 (5-11)
15) Chris Rapking 111-113 (9-7)
15) Chris Woodard 111-113 (9-7)
18) Jake Young 110-114 (8-8)
18) Brian Boesch 110-114 (10-6)
20) Ryan Polito 109-115 (6-10)
21) Jason Fazzone 104-120 (6-10)
22) Josh Florence 103-121 (6-10)
23) Devin Frank 102-122 (7-9)
24) Bart Borer 91-133 (4-12)

Looks like we will be going right to the very end. 10 guys have a realistic shot at some money as we will paying the top five. Please double-check your record for accuracy.

Until next time, "read it, roll it, hole it."

Sunday, December 20, 2009

2009 NFL ATS Pick 'Em: Week Fifteen

By: Luke Florence

Hey guys. Sorry for no Saints-'Boys pick. I had no computer access last night, but I did send a text to Matt Barnes letting him know I backed the Saints. Unfortunately they stunk (secretly I always knew they weren't that good), and I went 1-1 on the pre-Sunday games. Here are my week fifteen picks.

PICKS: CLE, ATL, TEN, PHI, NE, ARI, HOU, CHI, PIT, DEN, SD, TB, MIN, NYG

Enjoy the football.

Until next time, "read it, roll it, hole it."

Thursday, December 17, 2009

2009 NFL ATS Pick 'Em: Thursday Night - Indianapolis (-6.5) @ Jacksonville

By: Luke Florence

This game troubles me for a variety of reasons. Most namely, whether or not the Indianapolis Colts will play any of their starters. And if they do, for how long will they play. Not so long ago, the Colts rested everyone in the season finale against the Tennessee Titans, which knocked a ten-win Cleveland team from entering the post-season.

That being said, I can't play the game of Will They or Won't They, so I'm assuming they will play the entire game. Therefore, I will take the Jacksonville Jaguars (+6.5). It's the safer pick. These two division rivals played back in week one and the Colts - playing at home - barely knocked off the Jags, 14-12. So, even if Peyton plays all four quarters, it could still be close. Also this pick allows for Peyton to sit and let Curtis Painter throw some interceptions, which would be nice.

So for the record, I will be taking the Jacksonville Jaguars and the six and a half points this evening.

Until next time, "read it, roll it, hole it."

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

2009 F'd Up Tournament: The At-Large Candidates

By: Luke Florence

Last Sunday, Kevin and myself sat down and started compiling a list of At-Large candidates for the F'd Up Tournament. It is a daunting task to say the least. Trying to go back over the past 12 months and uncover the moments that mattered the most in sports, news, politics, movies, pop culture, music, etc is never easy.

Therefore we are enlisting your help. The following are the candidates we came up with, and we would like everyone out there to fill us in on the ones we missed. At the very least, let us know which ones you like the most, and which ones you wouldn't mind missing the cut. We need 48 At-Larges and at least 8 of those to be "bad" candidates. For example, the 0-16 Detroit Lions.

The range of dates used was Thanksgiving 2008 - Thanksgiving Eve 2009. Therefore, Tiger Woods JUST missed the cut-line for this year's tournament, but you better believe he is looking like a #1 seed come 2010.

Without further ado. The 2009 F'd Up Tournament At Large Candidates. (In no specific order)

- Big Ten Bowl Season (1-7): Our least favorite football conference was awful in last year's bowl season.

- Donte Stallworth’s Bentley: He killed a guy. Nuff said.

- Tim Tebow: Jesus Christ, doesn't this kid have to make it?
- Crennel/Savage Era: The Fat Black Man and the Skinny White Man didn't make a good combo.

- $36 Library Fine: Only Kevin Hunt could collect a near $40 fine in library dvd's.

- 0-16 Lions: They came, they tried, they lost 'em all.

- Chris Brown: Rihanna will be rooting against him right?
- Jose Reyes: The first draft pick of Cool Runnings II (Kevin and my fantasy team). He killed us.

- Eric Wedge Era: It only lasted five more seasons than I would have allowed it.

- The San-chise: Never has a QB played better while completing 5 of 14 passes.

- Eric Mangini: Anytime the Browns get a new coach, he has to at least be considered.

- Brady Quinn: My favorite player won a heated QB controversy. Talk about a dangerous 12 seed.

- Kimbo Slice: Anytime you can get the bearded wonder in this, you have to take advantage of it.
- Brock Lesnar: He may be dead, but this guy is an absolute beast.

- Tyler Hansbrough: See Tim Tebow.

- Grady Sizemore's Pictures: He put Jeff Reed to shame unfortunately.

- Alex Mack: We thought it would be the #6 pick, but it turned out to be traded three different times, and eventually turned into this guy.

- Bar Refaeli (SI Swimsuit Cover Model): Hotness.

- Randy Moller: Hands down the best hockey goal calls in the business. YouTube him. Now.

- Kanye West: Still dreaming about a potential Barack Obama-Kanye West match-up.

- Patrick Chewing: What's up Ryan?
- Larry Fitzgerald: Dude was the best player in the 2009 NFL playoffs. Legendary.

- Team Self-Esteem: Hunt's and Schaffer's beer-pong team that defied all odds.

- Gettin' Away from the Cops Speed: Gus Johnson's signature call of the 2009 NFL season.

- Weddings and Kids: Everyone is getting married, and everyone is having kids.

- NFL Sunday Ticket: It has changed the way Hunt and I watch sports. It's everything I thought it would be ... and more.

- John Madden's Retirement: Cris Collinsworth couldn't be happier, and Frank Caliendo couldn't be any sadder.

- Brett Favre: Could be getting old, but he is tearing it up with the Vikings right now.

- LOST Season 5: Still prefer Season 1, but the Season 5 finale still has me polarized.
- Bulls/Celtics Playoff Series: No question, the best 1st Round Playoff series I've watched in any sport.

- Kenny Powers: "I've been blessed with many things in this life: an arm like a damn rocket, a c**k like a burmese python, and the mind of a f**king scientist."

- Usain Bolt: All he did was break the 100 Meter and 200 Meter World Records. And, he's a finalist for Time's Person Of The Year. #1 seed anyone?

- Randy Johnson: Might be the last pitcher to win 300 games.

- Mark Buehrle: Perfect game anyone?

- Alberto Contador: Won the Tour De France. They race bikes.

- Pregnant Manny Ramirez: He took pills for pregnant woman. I wish I could make this up.

- A-Roid: And who exactly coined the phrase that cheaters never win?

- Sexy Rick Pitino: If you own a restaurant, don't let Rick Pitino enter after 6 PM.
- H1N1 Swine Flu: Made the bird flu look down right silly.

- Twitter: It exploded this year.

- iPhone: Changed the way cell-phones work.

- PS3: Changed the way video consoles work.

- Sonia Sotomayor: A new Supreme Court Justice doesn't happen every year.

- Erin Andrews Hotel Pics: Christmas came early for a lot of guys this season.

- Balloon Boy: The biggest hoax since Global Warming.

- Stimulus Package: Too many sexual jokes to think of just one.

- Hulu: Watched every It's Always Sunny and Arrested Development episode before they started the dumb "rolling episodes" idea.

- Cash For Clunkers: The Beast was a victim, sadly.

- Bernie Madoff: When you get featured on the Seinfeld Reunion show, you get mentioned here.

- Slumdog Millionaire: Won Oscar for Best Picture. I thought it was okay.

- Kings of Leon “Use Somebody”: Probably the track I heard the most this summer.

- Artie Lange/Joe Buck: "Joe, TMZ is your favorite website? What's your second, suckingc**k.com?"

- Barack Obama: Doesn't have a ton of credentials, but he did correctly pick the NCAA Men's Basketball Champion.
- UCONN-Syracuse 6 OT game: Craziest basketball game I've ever watched. Unreal.

- “The Hangover”: Funniest movie of the year.

- Funny People: Probably the 2nd funniest movie of the year.

- Queen of Arguments/Frankie The Dog: Wouldn't you like to see the Queen of Arguments face the King of Arguments in the 2nd round?

- Dick Cheney's Wheelchair: So upset by Obama winning the presidency, he couldn't even walk for his Inauguration.

That makes 58 possibles, meaning 10 of these would be out the door. Not to mention the ones you think we forgot. Let us know as soon as possible, because time is of the essence.

Coming up next, we take a look at the three finalists for the F'd Up Enthusiasm Spot. It goes to the person who showed the most enthusiasm and spirit towards the F'd Up Tournament. This year, the finalists are Jake Young, Jeff Schaffer, and Brian Boesch. More information to come very soon.

Until next time, "read it, roll it, hole it."

2009 NFL ATS Pick 'Em: Week Fourteen Standings

By: Luke Florence

Three league members needed a Monday Night Football cover to make league history. Jamie Reamer, Nick Lay and Matt Barnes were all 13-2 with just the MNF game remaining. They all picked the Arizona Cardinals (-3.5). If the Cards had covered they all would have broke the record for best ATS week record ever. Currently Joshua Florence holds that distinction by going 13-2 in Week Two last season. However, it was not meant to be, and Josh can still hold on to his record.

With just three weeks remaining, separation has already begun. A quick glance at the standings will tell you that only 11 league members have a shot at making any money. Probably only eight of those have a realistic shot at finishing first.

The top five have a two game clearing on the field, but will that continue, or will the field catch up? Only 48 games to go.

Giddy up.

2009 NFL ATS PICK 'EM: WEEK FOURTEEN STANDINGS (week fourteen record in parentheses)
1) Luke Florence 119-89 (11-5)
2) Nick Lay 117-91 (13-3)
2) Jamie Reamer 117-91 (13-3)
4) Eric Hug 116-92 (9-7)
5) Justin Whelan 115-93 (8-8)
6) Matt Barnes 113-95 (13-3)
7) Billy Wakefield 112-96 (8-8)
8) Shane Kline 111-97 (10-6)
9) Erik Smith 109-99 (8-8)
9) Corey Taylor 109-99 (8-8)
9) Kevin Hunt 109-99 (9-7)
12) Luke Polito 106-102 (7-9)
12) Jeff Normand 106-102 (7-9)
14) Anthony Tynan 105-103 (5-11)
14) Jeff Schaffer 105-103 (8-8)
16) Ryan Polito 103-105 (7-9)
17) Chris Rapking 102-106 (8-8)
17) Chris Woodard 102-106 (8-8)
17) Jake Young 102-106 (11-5)
20) Brian Boesch 100-108 (7-9)
21) Jason Fazzone 98-110 (9-7)
22) Josh Florence 97-111 (9-7)
23) Devin Frank 95-113 (8-8)
24) Bart Borer 87-121 (8-8)

There you go. Please check your records for accuracy purposes. Again, just three weeks left. Expect a standings column in a few days as we reach the stretch run.

Until next time, "read it, roll it, hole it."

Saturday, December 12, 2009

2009 NFL ATS Pick 'Em: Week Fourteen

By: Luke Florence

It began on February 24th with a 3-hour long podcast and has continued in various formats ever since. Today it ends. It started with 128, and has been narrowed down to 16. After today there will only be one.

It is the 2009 Mainstay Tournament.

Inspired by Bill Simmons All-Tiger Woods Mailbag/NFL Picks column, we are going to conclude the 15 remaining matches in lieu of a Week 14 column.

At the end, we will post some week 14 comments from the group, including an F'd Up Pick Of The Week you will not want to miss.

Giddy up, the road to the F'd Up Tournament begins now.

Week Fourteen Picks: NO, IND, HOU, CAR, KC, BAL, CIN, NYJ, GB, MIA, TEN, WAS, SD, NYG, ARI. Best of luck.

SWEET SIXTEEN - The eight losers here will be seeded in the #12 - #10 range.

Structured Randomness vs. Ohio University

For simplicity's sake, we will start each match in the 2nd half.

Halftime score: Structured Randomness leads O.U. 37-33.

Roll #6: Ohio University cuts into S.R.'s lead by one thanks to a 9 roll. S.R. up 45-42.
Roll #7: Not at all phased by the good start of the Bobcats, S.R. answers with an 11 to go up by nine, 56-47.
Roll #8: Frank Solich calls out the defense, and they respond in a big way, putting up a 9-3 score in roll eight. 59-56 S.R.
Roll #9: Second straight 9 for O.U gives them the lead for the first time in the 2nd half, now up by one 65-64 with just one roll remaining.
Roll #10: A 6 by S.R. gives them 70, meaning O.U. needs to match that 6 to win and advance. The Roll .... A FIVE!!! We are headed to Overtime!!

Our overtime rolls are simple. Two rolls per O.T. needed.

O.T Roll #1: Matching seven's has this game STILL tied at 77. Do you smell Double O.T??
O.T. Roll #2: An average 7 by S.R. lets the Bobcats know they just need to be better than average to win it. The Roll ... A SIX!!! Structured Randomness breaks the heart of all those in Athens with a thrilling 84-83 overtime victory.

Cleveland Browns Beer Pong vs. Reach

Browns Beer Pong has been downright dominant in their Sweet 16 march. They have won all of their games by double-digits, including a 28-point thrashing of the Asian Invasion.

At halftime they lead Reach 41-28. Kevin is thrilled, but still unsure.

No need to go roll-by-roll because it is ALL Browns Beer-Pong. Neither team does anything spectacular in the 2nd half, which means that the Cleveland Browns Beer Pong advances to the Elite Eight with a convincing 75-61 win over Reach.

Randy Hunt "Rub Money" vs. Semi-Charmed Life

Despite being down 15-7 right off the bad, Randy Hunt shows no signs of quitting, and rallies throughout the rest of the 1st half to close within six. Semi-Charmed Life leads it 41-35 at half.

Roll #6: An eight by Randy is nullified and then some by SCL with double 3's and an And One of a 4. SCL up 51-43.
Roll #7: This once-close match-up is starting to open up a bit. Back to back Double's by SCL has them in a commanding 67-49 lead.
Roll #8: 70-56 SCL. If Randy ends up losing this, he will look back at Roll #8 as his chance to get back in it.
Roll #9: Salt in the wounds. Double 6's by SCL followed by an And One three, has the classic song up twenty on Rub Money, 85-65.
Roll #10: No drama here. Semi-Charmed Life easily downs Randy Hunt "Rub Money" 95-72.

Michael Jordan vs. Bill Walton

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the main-event of the Sweet 16. Are you ready for this?

Roll #1: An incredible display of defense by Walton has the big-man up 7-3 early.
Roll #2: You can't stop His Airness, you can only hope to contain him. An 11 by MJ gives him the lead right back. 14-13.
Roll #3: Starting to settle down a bit, as both guys are trying to get a feel of the other. 22-20 MJ.
Roll #4: This one has the making of an instant classic. Walton holds Jordan to a four, and then puts up a respectable seven of his own, giving us our third lead change already. 27-26 Walton.
Roll #5: How about four lead changes in five rolls? Unbeeeelievable!! 37-36 Jordan at the half. Buckle in guys.
Roll #6: This might be unprecedented. Another lead change!! Walton puts up an 11 in the first roll of the second half and now has a three-point cushion on Jordan, 47-44.
Roll #7: Double 2's by Jordan is buoyed by an And One six, resulting in a ten-point turn. And yes, we have ANOTHER lead change. That's six in seven rolls for those keeping score at home. 54-51 Michael.
Roll #8: I don't want this to end. Our 7th lead change in eight rolls. Double 4's by Walton with his own And One six. Walton has the biggest lead of the match, up 65-59 with two rolls left.
Roll #9: Jordan closes the gap, but can't take the lead from the big man. Walton is holding on for dear life, up 70-68.
Roll #10: Jordan goes first and rolls a .... SEVEN! That's not the clutch-ness we've come to expect from MJ. Walton only needs a five to tie, and a six to win. Rolling for a spot in the Elite Eight, Walton throws a .... THREE!!! JORDAN MOVES ON!! Clutch-ness happens on both ends of the dice here in the F'd Up Tournament. This has my vote for match of the tournament!! Jordan takes it home, as he always does, 75-73.

David Carr vs. Ernest Byner

The man who showed grass to Mexican kids for the very first time up against the man who couldn't hold on to the football. Should be fun.

Hard to follow the Jordan-Walton instant-classic, but these two are trying, Carr up by two at half, 37-35.

Roll #6: Carr uses a ten-point roll to go up by seven right out of the gate. 47-40 for the only down-hill skier on his basketball team.
Roll #7: A ho-hum turn still has the man in the Snickers Polo up by five, 52-47.
Roll #8: Another yawner, but gives the man who has basically written the book on youth soccer a 58-52 advantage with two rolls to go.
Roll #9: Byner finally wakes up and scores a ten-point throw of his own, but he is still down by two, 64-62.
Roll #10: Last roll for Carr is .... A THREE!! Goodness. That means Byner needs only a five to tie, and a six to win. It's the exact same scenario that Walton had one match earlier. Will Byner drop the proverbial ball? Or does he only drop real ones?? The roll ... A SEVEN!! Book it. Ernest Byner rolls on, 69-67 over the legendary David Carr.

Pizza Hut Lunch Buffet vs. Keith Hodkinson

The place where dreams come true against Kevin's arch-nemesis. It's bad enough that Hodkinson has clinched a spot in the F'd Up Tournament, but every win he gets only improves his chances in the Big Dance. Let's see how far he will go.

Not good news for Kevin ... at all. Hodkinson is in full Eff You mode. He's coming for Hunt's heart. Keith is up 46-25 at half. Proving he can do it on both sides of the dice.

Unfortunately for Hunt, this Sweet 16 match doesn't get any closer than 17 in the 2nd Half. Hodkinson advances rather easily, 86-61. Onward.

Scotty B. vs. Trainwreck

The 2006 overall #1 seed, Trainwreck wants a chance at redemption, and is up on Scotty B 39-35 at the half.

Scotty B takes the lead after seven rolls, but it was short-lived as he found himself trailing by one, 61-60 with one roll to go.

Final Roll: A five by Scotty B will not help his case for improved seeding. No one expects Trainwreck to only roll a three. The roll ... A SIX. Done and done. A rather boring affair, but a win nonetheless for Trainwreck, 67-65.

Unappreciative Bastard vs. Memorial Day Weekend

A phrase made famous by our friend Wade Peery goes up against a weekend that will never be forgotten. A couple of OU memories battle for the final spot in the Elite 8.

UB leads throughout, and is up 47-41 at halftime.

It's a close match, but MDW finally gains the lead on roll #9. It's a one-point match and could be headed for overtime. 70-69 MDW with one throw left.

Final Roll: A seven by Vince Carter, the Unappreciative Bastard, means MDW needs a six to tie, and a seven of its own to win. The roll for the final spot in the Elite 8 ... A NINE! Memorial Day Weekend wins it 79-76.

ELITE EIGHT - The four losers here will be seeded in the #9 - #8 range.

Structured Randomness vs. Cleveland Browns Beer Pong

At halftime, CBBP leads it by one, 38-37.

Roll #6: Browns Beer Pong doubles their lead, 44-42.
Roll #7: Structured Randomness is not going to just lie down for this, as they come back and take the lead for the first time in the match, 49-48.
Roll #8: A ten by S.R. coupled with a four by CBBP has Structured Randomness up 59-52 with two rolls to go. A phrase inspired by this actual tournament has its eyes set on the Final Four.
Roll #9: Browns Beer Pong puts up a nine, but still trail it 64-61 heading into the final roll.
Roll #10: Cue up Mike Tirico. OH NO!! Structured Randomness rolls a FOUR on the last turn, which opens the door for Browns Beer Pong. A seven will tie, and an eight will win. The roll ... A NINE! You just can't expect to make mistakes like that during these final stages and not pay the price. Cleveland Browns Beer Pong is on the way to the Final Four, with a 70-68 victory.

Semi-Charmed Life vs. Michael Jordan

Fresh off his incredulous defeat of Bill Walton, Jordan rides that momentum to a 45-39 halftime lead against SCL.

Wish I could do a roll-by-roll of this Elite 8 match-up, but Jordan simply doesn't allow it. He has the lead and un-like with Walton, won't be giving it up. He knocks off Semi Charmed Life 79-69 and now marches on to the Final Four to face Browns Beer Pong.

Ernest Byner vs. Keith Hodkinson

The sweat radiating off of Hunt's face right now is memorable. We just might see the Kevin Hunt face if Hodkinson takes this match-up.

Hodkinson uses the strength of a 16-point roll to take the half-time lead, 44-39. This is not going to end well for Kevin is it?

Byner gets it to just a one-point deficit, but that is as close as Hodkinson will let it. If there was ever a casual five-point Elite Eight win, we just saw one. 80-75 has Hunt's #1 enemy in the Final Four.

Trainwreck vs. Memorial Day Weekend

Trainwreck takes its' first lead of the match in the last roll of the first half, and is up by two 40-38. We have one seat remaining in the Final Four.

The second half is all about experience. Trainwreck has been there and done that. It shows. They actually trail it by two after seven rolls but doesn't show any bit of panic. They outscore Memorial Day Weekend 22-11 in the last three rolls to win it going away, 78-65. And just like that we have our Final Four. Oh Billy.

FINAL FOUR - The two losers will play in a 3rd Place match-up to determine seeding.

Cleveland Browns Beer Pong vs. Michael Jordan

There's domination. There's impressiveness. There's legendary. And then, there's Michael Jordan's performance in the Final Four. Just beyond words.

Browns Beer Pong was as good offensively as one would hope to be in the first half, rolling three 10's, one 11 and one 9 on their way to a 50-point half-time score. But, Jordan was not to be stopped tonight. He rolled double's twice, and on both occasions he rolled an EXTRA And One, including a 23 point roll. It made the score 50-49 at halftime in favor of CBBP.

Browns Beer Pong would end up with 83 points, but needed about 30 more to keep pace with Jordan. Jordan rolled double's on four of his five 2nd half throws, to breeze past Cleveland Browns Beer Pong 110-83.

Keith Hodkinson vs. Trainwreck

Have I mentioned that Kevin is desperately rooting for ANYONE to knock off Hodkinson. ANYONE. He's looking miserable right now. This shouldn't have happened. It could have been avoided right? We will see.

Trainwreck opens up a small 35-34 halftime lead, but Hodkinson doesn't flinch. Not one bit. He takes the lead immediately in the 2nd half and doesn't give it up, winning comfortably 78-65. Kevin Hunt is barely breathing. If there is a God, he won't let Keith Hodkinson win it. I don't think Hunt's heart will be able to take it. But then again, that's why they call it the F'd Up Tournament.

3RD PLACE MATCH - Winner gets a #4 seed, the loser gets a #5 seed.

Cleveland Browns Beer Pong vs. Trainwreck

Let's just move on to the Championship match shall we. But to keep the records straight, Trainwreck was victorious 75-68.

2009 MAINSTAY TOURNAMENT CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH - Winner gets a #1 seed, the loser gets a #2 seed.

Michael Jordan vs. Keith Hodkinson

And then there were two. The best basketball player to ever lace them up against Hunt's #1 Threat To America. If Jordan wins it, he might be the favorite (along with Obama of course) to win the F'd Up Tournament. If Hodkinson wins it, you can guarantee that the selection committee will give him the toughest draw possible.

Giddy up.

Roll #1: Jordan takes the early 8-5 lead, but there is a strange smirk on Hodkinson's face that has Hunt near suicidal.
Roll #2: Hodkinson closes the gap, but still trails it 13-12 after two rolls.
Roll #3: Hodkinson takes the lead for the first time, but it's only by one, 21-20.
Roll #4: Starting to stretch that lead out a bit, Keith is up 31-27. Hunt is looking like Rocky Balboa after the first Rocky movie.
Roll #5: No doubles for anyone in the first half, but Keith Hodkinson has the 37-32 advantage.
Roll #6: Jordan gets within three, but you start to wonder if there's going to be any fireworks at all in this one. Hodkinson up 43-40.
Roll #7: Biggest lead for Keith, 52-46. Hunt is no where to be seen.
Roll #8: Matching seven's has Hodkinson retaining that six point lead. Just two rolls to go. Why is Kevin geting a ladder outside? Is he climbing to the roof? For what?
Roll #9: A seven by Jordan helps, but a three by Keith helps some more. 62-60 with just one roll remaining. Can Jordan do it? Can Michael save Kevin?
Roll #10: The final two rolls of the tournament. Jordan up first. And he rolls a ... SIX. Oh no. Hodkinson will win it with a five. And now he is up. Grinning that sly grin of his. Kevin looks like Jack during the Season Three Finale of LOST. About ready to jump off the bridge. The roll ... AN ELEVEN! KEITH HODKINSON TAKES HOME THE INAUGURAL MAINSTAY TOURNAMENT AND LOCKS UP A NUMBER ONE SEED FOR THE 2009 F'D UP TOURNAMENT. Kevin Hunt is no longer with us.

Wow. And just like that, it's all over. Get ready for a healthy dose of F'd Up Material on this blog as the days go on.

Until next time, "read it, roll it, hole it."

Thursday, December 10, 2009

2009 NFL ATS Pick 'Em: Thursday Night - Pittsburgh (-9.5) @ Cleveland

By: Luke Florence

Can't believe I'm doing this, and I hope it's not a precursor to an awful week, but we are backing the Cleveland Browns (+9.5) this evening.

It's cold ... that should help. (It's not the heat, but the humidity that will kill you)

Pittsburgh hasn't covered a lot this year ... that should help.

The Browns are turning into a sneaky team who cover a bunch ... that should help.

Brady Quinn loves playing on Thursday Nights ... that probably won't help, but still worth mentioning.

Having said all that, I'm a little upset that I got sucked into the possibility of the Browns covering (gulp, maybe even winning) against the Steelers.

Until next time, "read it, roll it, hole it."

Wednesday, December 09, 2009

2009 NFL ATS Pick 'Em: Week Thirteen Standings

By: Luke Florence

Still recovering from our blizzard last night, so not much of an introduction. But, we only have four weeks left. 64 games to pick. Get busy winning, or get busy losing.

Damn right.

2009 NFL ATS PICK 'EM: WEEK THIRTEEN STANDINGS (week 13 record in parentheses)
1) Luke Florence 108-84 (9-7)
2) Eric Hug 107-85 (7-9)
2) Justin Whelan 107-85 (9-7)
4) Nick Lay 104-88 (6-10)
4) Jamie Reamer 104-88 (8-8)
4) Billy Wakefield 104-88 (8-8)
7) Shane Kline 101-91 (5-11)
7) Erik Smith 101-91 (6-10)
7) Corey Taylor 101-91 (9-7)
10) Kevin Hunt 100-92 (5-11)
10) Anthony Tynan 100-92 (7-9)
10) Matt Barnes 100-92 (7-9)
13) Luke Polito 99-93 (4-12)
13) Jeff Normand 99-93 (5-11)
15) Jeff Schaffer 97-95 (7-9)
16) Ryan Polito 96-96 (7-9)
17) Chris Rapking 94-98 (5-11)
17) Chris Woodard 94-98 (7-9)
19) Brian Boesch 93-99 (7-9)
20) Jake Young 91-101 (8-8)
21) Andrew Braverman 90-102 (0-16)
22) Jason Fazzone 89-103 (5-11)
23) Josh Florence 88-104 (7-9)
24) Devin Frank 87-105 (6-10)
25) Bart Borer 79-113 (6-10)

Until next time, "read it, roll it, hole it."

Sunday, December 06, 2009

2009 NFL ATS Pick 'Em: Week Thirteen

By: Luke Florence

Thanks to World Cup podcasts, Kimbo Slice fights and must-watch college football games, my Saturday was filled rather quickly. That being said, it is my goal to get the Week 13 column up at some point today.

Here are my picks.

STL, CAR, HOU, DEN, TEN, PHI, NO, PIT, DET, NE, NYG, SEA, SD, MIN, GB

Best of luck.

Thursday, December 03, 2009

2009 NFL ATS Pick 'Em: Thursday Night - New York Jets (-2.5) @ Buffalo

By: Luke Florence

Going to take the New York Jets tonight. Really wanted to back the Bills but I couldn't come to grips with Ryan Fitzpatrick as my quarterback this evening. Yeah I know Mark Sanchez isn't any better, but they only have to win by three.

Good Luck.

Until next time, "read it, roll it, hole it."

Wednesday, December 02, 2009

2009 NFL ATS Pick 'Em: Week Twelve Standings

By: Luke Florence

With just five weeks remaining, these standings gain more importance with each finished game. Just 80 more games left to pick. Everyone is still mathematically alive (yes, even Bart Borer, who is only 23 games out of the money), but some obviously are sitting in better position than others.

Week 12 saw a trio of league members go 11-5, as Eric Hug, Matt Barnes and Bart Borer all accomplished this feat. Barnes used that momentum to move up a league-best four spots in the standings, from 16th to 12th. On the flip side, Corey Taylor went 6-10 and fell from 7th to 14th. With the league being so tight, Taylor only finds himself four games out of the money.

For the first time all season, Huggy Bear claims the top spot. Thanks to Vince Young's comeback and Drew Brees domination, Eric Hug cracks 100 wins and has a slim one game lead over yours truly.

It's on.

2009 NFL ATS PICK 'EM: WEEK TWELVE STANDINGS (week 12 record in parentheses)
1) Eric Hug 100-76 (11-5)
2) Luke Florence 99-77 (9-7)

3) Nick Lay 98-78 (9-7)

3) Justin Whelan 98-78 (9-7)
5) Shane Kline 96-80 (9-7)

5) Jamie Reamer 96-80 (9-7)

5) Billy Wakefield 96-80 (10-6)

8) Erik Smith 95-81 (9-7)
8) Luke Polito 95-81 (9-7)
8) Kevin Hunt 95-81 (9-7)
11) Jeff Normand 94-82 (10-6)
12) Anthony Tynan 93-83 (7-9)
12) Matt Barnes 93-83 (11-5)
14) Corey Taylor 92-84 (6-10)
15) Andrew Braverman 90-86 (5-11)
15) Jeff Schaffer 90-86 (7-9)
17) Ryan Polito 89-87 (7-9)
17) Chris Rapking 89-87 (9-7)
19) Chris Woodard 87-89 (10-6)
20) Brian Boesch 86-90 (6-10)
21) Jason Fazzone 84-92 (10-6)
22) Jake Young 83-93 (7-9)
23) Josh Florence 81-95 (8-8)
23) Devin Frank 81-95 (10-6)
25) Bart Borer 73-103 (11-5)

Award standings will be updated later this evening.

BREAKING NEWS: Eric "Huggy Bear" Hug, will be joining us live for the third episode of Luke Vs. The League tonight. The top two in the standings will battle it out. Told you it's on.

Until next time, "read it, roll it, hole it."