2009 NFL ATS Pick 'Em: Week Seventeen QOTW

By: Luke Florence

Closing time ladies and gentlemen. After we go over the ten best quotes from week seventeen there will be no more. We will be left with the 17 nominees for Quote Of The Year, and just as important, all the Bill Walton points will be counted up. Both winners will be decided on January 11th at our year end banquet.

It's been a crazy ride folks.

The final week saw Jeff Schaffer compare each match-up based on the MAC players involved, Kevin Hunt talked about who he would like to punch for absolutely no reason, and Brian Boesch dished out his usual comments.

Game on, for the final time.

TOP TEN WEEK SEVENTEEN QUOTES

14) "James Harrison/Ben Roethlisberger/Charlie Batch v. Jason Taylor/Andrew Hartline - This turned into an intriguing match. Taylor and Hartline would typically be a very solid combo, and Roethlisberger is a wash for me. I not only think he stinks as a human, but am getting frustrated by how more people seem to be telling me I look like him. Unfortunately, it's tough to find a more decorated MAC alumnus than Harrison." - Jeff Schaffer.

13) "Jamey Richard/Ryan Diem/Daniel Muir v. Reggie Corner/Andre Ramsey - Finding these players was about as boring as this game will be. Still, ever heard of a cornerback named Corner? Brilliant." - Jeff Schaffer.

12) "This game [TB vs. ATL] is about as impactful as 99% of New Years resolutions by February 1." - Brian Boesch.

10-tie) "Jalen Parmele v. Charlie Frye/Bruce Gradkowski/Michael Mitchell - Sometimes 2/3 of your QB depth chart played in the MAC...and you dumbfound NFL analysts with your 2nd round draft pick." - Jeff Schaffer.

10-tie) "Ray Lewis. And yes, I understand what this would end up doing for my overall health. The steps would be, in order: 1) Finish final will and testament; 2) Punch Ray Lewis." - Kevin Hunt.

9) "As Charlie Frye played like the Charlie Frye of...well, always last week...I couldn't stop thinking about Chris from Family Guy: 'If I didn't learn to laugh at myself, I'd be dead by now.'" - Brian Boesch.

8) "Who would've ever thought that Jake Young's show of emotion back on Veterans Day was actually the rallying cry the Packers needed. If they win the Super Bowl, I deserve a ring." - Brian Boesch.

7) "Last haiku this year,
My punch goes out to one, he's
Romo the homo." - Kevin Hunt.

6) "Brett Kern v. No one - Apparently Mid-America is the best place to learn to hit the coffin corner." - Jeff Schaffer.

5) "No one v. Antonio Gates - People keep wondering what the Redskins need to become a winning team...I believe I've found it." - Jeff Schaffer.

4) "Curtis Painter became the official example of the phrase "tough act to follow" when he came in last week. There's no better way to express that phrase." - Brian Boesch.

3) "Michael Jenkins. Still mad about the pass he caught against Purdue that kept the Buckeyes' national title hopes alive. They went on to win it -- and I've gone on to figure out that I hold sports grudges a really, really long time." - Kevin Hunt.

2) "Terrance Knighton v. Josh Cribbs/Dave Zastudil - No contest. Cribbs is not only one of the best MAC alumni in the league, he's also the Browns most effective player. Add-in the pride of the Bobcats and I'll never pick against them." - Jeff Schaffer.

1) "St. Louis has won six games in the last three years. SIX! Tell a ten year old that the Rams were the most exciting team in the league when he was born, and he'd believe you as quickly as Billy Madison believed that Chris Farley got some of Miss Vaughn." - Brian Boesch.

Well, as quickly as it began, it ends. Stay on the look out for more information regarding the 2009 NFL ATS Pick 'Em Awards Banquet, which takes place on January 11th.

Until next time, "read it, roll it, hole it."

2009 NFL ATS Pick 'Em: Week Sixteen QOTW

By: Luke Florence

Just like with week fifteen, week sixteen was a two-person battle between Brian Boesch and Kevin Hunt.

The end is near.

TOP TEN WEEK SIXTEEN QUOTES

10) "Charlie Frye on the road vs. DA? My God." - Nick Lay.

9) "Julius Jones face. You think Clay Matthews, Jr. is going to talk shit to him Brian Cushing style??" - Kevin Hunt.

8) "Everyone's out to get Albert Haynesworth. No one believes in Tony Romo. It's time for the "Cry Me A River" Sunday nighter." - Brian Boesch.

7) "I hope Jeremy Shockey and Kellen Winslow get into a fight in this one. They'd just yell at each other and occasionally slap. Those U guys are tough." - Brian Boesch.

6) "Remember when Brian Brohm was going to be a top 10 pick had he come out his junior year? Now, he's making his first start for a terrible team a few years after getting drafted. Stay in school, kids." - Brian Boesch.

5) "Will Romeo Crennel flip the coin in this one to determine who gets the ball first like he did in preseason in '07? Will the loser (and winner) at the QB position have to report to the UFL after the game? If this game doesn't get your juices flowing, I don't know what will." - Brian Boesch.

4) "Have we seen a Steven Jackson face this year?? I mean, does he ever really quit trying?? I feel like yelling, 'You're all winners!!'" - Kevin Hunt.

3) "Seattle is going to feel as happy after this game as Frank Solich did when Lloyd Carr handed him the "Little Caesars' Pizza Bowl Runner-Up Trophy." Yes, you read that last part right. Ohio University got a trophy for losing to a 6-6 C-USA team with an interim head coach. Thus, I demand a trophy for my efforts in ATS this year. I mean, I did accomplish more than Ohio did in the Pizza Bowl, right?" - Brian Boesch.

2) "There is only one
Face that I'll be waiting for...
Romo's... it's homo." - Kevin Hunt.

1) "Rex Ryan is turning into that annoying relative that tells you stupid stories or jokes whenever you visit him. Just be serious for 10 minutes, Rex. I'll reward you with a cupcake, or 10." - Brian Boesch.

And just like that we have one week's worth of quotes remaining.

Until next time, "read it, roll it, hole it."

2009 NFL ATS Pick 'Em: Week Fifteen QOTW

By: Luke Florence

Week fifteen was the third consecutive week we missed out on a regular season column. It was the last week the Indianapolis Colts were victorious and saw the Cleveland Browns begin an actual winning streak. With our league, week fifteen marked the beginning of the Brian Boesch vs. Kevin Hunt match-up for the Gus Johnson Award.

TOP TEN WEEK FIFTEEN QUOTES

10) "The Lions have a promotion called the “Kids TD Run.” All kids ages 5-14 get to “score a touchdown on the field following the game.” The Lions’ defense, without a doubt, is on the field when this happens. Heck, they’re probably in pads. Too bad there will be more fans at the 34th-ranked bowl game this year than there will be at this game." - Brian Boesch.

9) "Players aren’t playing inspired football. Tom Brady is missing practice because of his kid. Bill Belichick is going on Mike and Mike in the Morning. The dynasty is over." - Brian Boesch.

8) "Andy Reid has to be worried that his near twin Mike Holmgren will be taking another prominent role in the league again with Cleveland. It'd be like the "time to make the doughnuts" guy being confronted by a Krispy Kreme man. And that's what that's all about." - Kevin Hunt.

7) “Our best friend Doug is probably face down in a ditch right now with a meth head butt-f**king his corpse”…Alan, “That’s highly unlikely.” Kind of like the Raiders’ chance in this one. The Hangover DVD release day was one of the best of 2009." - Brian Boesch.

6) "I like nothing about this pick or my life this weekend. Possibly falling out of ATS contention, likely losing some close and high-scoring fantasy matchups, then the always-enlightening Christmas present wrapping. Having said that, I'm taking the Patriots." - Kevin Hunt.

5) "I have even more reason to root against The Sanchize. He’s a possible At-Large Candidate in the F’d Up Tourney. If he gets in and I don’t, I may go insane." - Brian Boesch.

4) "I was getting set up for a basketball game a week ago, and I got there during the freshmen game. The scoreboard said 28-0 at halftime. I asked a parent why the scoreboard was broken. She said it wasn’t. I immediately made the connection between the team with 0 points and the Rams. Thus, I cheered when this team scored its first basket…with 5 minutes left in the third quarter." - Brian Boesch.

3) "I feel like Kurt Warner doesn't pray enough for the city of Detroit. It will bite him in this game." - Kevin Hunt.

2) "Gus Johnson game of the week. Line is too large for a game called by Gus. I may even record this game for you, considering Charlie Frye will be playing. I can hear it now... 'Frye... let's it GO... AND IT'S CAUGHT!! HEYWARD-BEY!! 10.. 5... TOUCHDOWN!! FRYE'S GOT SUCKER-PUNCHING YOUR ASSISTANT COACH POWER IN THAT ARM!!'" - Kevin Hunt.

1) "I’m backing Tony Romo against an undefeated team in December. Either this is the reason I’m doing worse than the Raiders or Christmas is the time for miracles after all." - Brian Boesch.

Just two weeks left. Week sixteen is on the way.

Until next time, "read it, roll it, hole it."

2009 NFL ATS Pick 'Em: Week Fourteen QOTW

By: Luke Florence

Week fourteen was the second consecutive week that we missed a regular season column. At this point work was taking front stage for not only myself, but for some of our league members as well. We saw Matt Barnes and Nick Lay not turn in comments for the second straight week, which all but eliminated them from the Gus Johnson Award. But, we did see Jeff Schaffer make his picks based off the #13, Kevin Hunt talking about the things he'd rather be doing than shoveling a foot and a half of snow, and Brian Boesch rolls an epic F'd Up Pick Of The Week.

Let's start with the F'd Up Pick of all F'd Up Picks.

"Without checking, this is the biggest F'd Up Pick of the Week yet. Two teams fighting for a bye in the first round of the playoffs. Two teams I don't want to see succeed because of an unfair aspect (Cincy...their fans, Minnesota...their Wrangler salesman). Really, those are the only two reasons. I think Cincinnati keeps it very close and may even win this game, so the Bengals would be my pick. But that's not how this pick is made. Here goes nothing (road team rolls first):

Roll 1: I noticed I didn't use the "#" sign before each roll number last week, and I won (wow am I bored during winter break). So I'm taking that approach again this week. Cincy rolls a 9, and how about this. Minnesota goes snake eyes, with a 2 on the and-one. Favre is showing off. He rolls his number, and steals away attention by doing it the and-one way. I hate Brett Favre. 9-4 CIN.
Roll 2: High scoring second roll, as the Bengals get an 8 and the Vikes counter with an 11. 17-15 CIN early on.
Roll 3: Cincy has had a six in every roll. This time a six with a 2. Vikings can only get a 5. Bengals lead 25-20 CIN.
Roll Favre: Sorry, I had to. Don't worry Bengals fans. You'll get your own cute number switch later. The Bengals keep rolling well, this time with a 9. Double 3's for the Vikings, but only a 1 on the and-one. The Vikings have had two more rolls than the Bengals, yet haven't been able to take advantage. 34-27 Cincy.
Roll Cinco: See, I told you. I'm warming up to the whole Ochocinco thing. Plus, I've always liked him. And there are too many people with the last name "Johnson." Imagine being the THIRD best wideout with the last name Johnson in the league right now. Now, he gets to be the best "Ochocinco" wideout in the history of the NFL. Smart stuff. Anyways, the Bengals finally slow down, but Minnesota cannot take advantage. 5's for both sides. 39-32 CIN at the half.
Roll 6: Now we are seeing low scored. 6-4 Vikes in the round. 43-38 CIN. But this game has a chance to be low scoring but sneaky good and exciting. Stay tuned.
Roll 7: Another couple points back for the Vikings. 8-6 in the round. Vikings only down three. 49-46 Cincy. See what I mean?
Roll Ocho: Another tie for both these squads. 6 for each. This is gonna be low scoring but good. 55-52 Bengals. Two rolls to go.
Roll 9: The Bengals take over late AGAIN. DOUBLE 6's, then ANOTHER 6, followed by a 2. Vikings can only get an 8. Wow. There's some scoring for you. 75-60 Bengals. Vikings need a Favre-icle.
Roll 10: A 7 for the Bengals means that Minnesota will need at least two and-ones. And the roll....WAIT NOW. Double 5's. Another 5 would make this really interesting. It's right now 82-70 Bengals. But the Vikes will need at least two more 5's.

The and-one....OHHHHH IT'S A 555555!!!! 82-75 Cincy. NO WAY....This cannot happen....

The second and-one. OH MY GOD ANOTHER 5!!!!!!!!!!!!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!!!!!!! 82-80 Cincy. NO WAY!!!!!!! A 3 or higher, and the Vikings win!!!!!!

One more and-one. Here goes nothing.....A FIFTH FIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! VIKINGS WINNNNNNNN, and they are STILL going. Are you joking? This is unbelievable. Let's roll it again. Maybe a 100 point score?!?!?! Here goes nothing....

6 FIVES!!!!!! FAVRE DID IT AGAIN. I wish I was making this up. Minnesota has rolled 6 consecutive 5's. They can't get another one, can they?!?!?!?! The roll....a 6! WOOOOOOW. 36 points on the final roll. That was one of the coolest sporting events I've ever witnessed. Vikings win it 96-82.

I have added that as an honorable mention on my list of all time sporting events. You can now read that attachment...I'm not kidding. That was unbelievable.

TOP TEN WEEK FOURTEEN QUOTES

14) "Starting to get frustrated...31 Brandon Meriweather gets the nod over fellow DB Richard Marshall, not only by direct comparison but also the fact that he'll have Jake Delhomme throwing his way." - Jeff Schaffer.

13) "I'd rather be acting like I'm going to be successful for 5 years when I'm actually not even close to being it." - Kevin Hunt.

12) "Can we all agree NOT to like Houston next year? How many times do we have to get this wrong? There are certain things we know in life, and Houston finishing around 8-8 should be added to the list." - Brian Boesch.

10-tie) "I'd rather be a high school football play in Kiln, Mississippi, getting ready to catch balls for Brett Favre's comeback attempt next summer." - Kevin Hunt.

10-tie) "The ONLY bad thing about the Browns beating the Steelers Thursday night? Now I can't make fun of the Steelers for losing to the Raiders. It would be like making fun of Tiger for losing to Y.E. Yang in the PGA. Just not anywhere near as awesome." - Brian Boesch.

9) "No 13s again, but all I had to see was the three punters on the Bucs' roster, one who is named Dirk. Count it." - Jeff Schaffer.

8) "FINALLY!!! Kurt Warner and Shaun Hill close the week with an epic 13 match-up! Seriously though, Warner's way better...even with gloves on both his hands." - Jeff Schaffer.

7) "I'd rather be whatever is one step above Marc Bulger." - Kevin Hunt.

6) "Maybe Jake the Snake could replace Jake Sendmehome." - Jeff Normand.

5) "Detroit and Cleveland are becoming sneaky covers. Tiger Woods is a bad husband. What is the world coming to? Oh wait, Tony Romo lost a big December game. Life isn't THAT different." - Brian Boesch.

4) "This is the Nick Lay game of the week. It's terrible, no one cares, and hopefully it gets blacked out." - Jamie Reamer.

3) "I'd rather be in the drain when Kyle Orton shaved his beard... and somehow looked worse than when he had it." - Kevin Hunt.

2) "Why on earth am I doing this failure of a theme...I'll take the Jags for no reason at all." - Jeff Schaffer.

1) "I'd rather be Tim Tebow's Jacksonville home after the team is sold and moves to Little Rock, Arkansas." - Kevin Hunt.

Don't look now, but week fifteen is up next.

Until next time, "read it, roll it, hole it."

2009 NFL ATS Pick 'Em: Week Thirteen QOTW

By: Luke Florence

Week Thirteen saw the first week where we missed a regular season column. Life just got in the way. But on the plus side, it did see Kevin Hunt get up to the challenge of coming up with a hilarious poem for each match-up, Brian Boesch crafting an epic story, and the continuation of the Nick Lay-Jamie Reamer feud.

Let's begin with Brian Boesch's story about a boy named Jake.

"It all started on a cold afternoon in Chicago when two friends, Kyle (Boller) and Jay (Cutler), met up to compare careers before a feather-fest at Soldier Field. After slapping each other and calling each other gaywads and loserfaces for a few minutes, both made up and started playing "catch." However, both guys had trouble throwing accurately, so they started slapping again.

Fortunately, Jake Delhomme showed up, so Kyle and Jay ganged up on Jake. Josh Freeman then came over and proclaimed that he was the best QB there at that point. Not only did the rest of the crew agree, but Josh didn't think that was anything special. So, all four signal callers decided to go to...

JACKSONVILLE! It's a job you always hope for...not a lot of pressure, good money, hot (er...retired?) secretaries! Really, the four-man QB crew couldn't think of anything better. But there was one problem. No NFL team carries 4 QBs. Someone had to go. So, the Jags decided to leave it up for a vote. The four QBs would vote on who should be cut. And there was a unanimous winner. Jake Delhomme even voted for Jake Delhomme. It was time to head somewhere else.

Jake figured he would try his luck in Kansas City. I mean, a team led by a 33 year old coach would surely take a look, right? And if not, a team led by a QB who didn't play in college would have to look at Jake. They would just HAVE to. Instead, McDaniels gave him an Amsterdam Admirals hat, and Cassel just sang him "Daylight come, and you gotta Delhomme" until he left. It was on to Indy.

Oh, even Jake knew going to Indy would be dumb. This was where his connection flight landed. While waiting for his flight to Atlanta, Jake searched for motivation. So he went to his Wikipedia page. He reminisced back to his days with Pat Barnes, when they were the "Double-Headed Quarterback Monster" (not making this up). What was this? It was simple..." Delhomme and Barnes would run a quarterback option, with Barnes pitching to Delhomme, who would then throw bombs for touchdowns." He knew he still had it in him.

Once Delhomme got to Atlanta, he wasn't even allowed in the stadium to talk with the Falcons (I mean, come on...Chris Redman??!?!?!, thought Jake). So he started screaming like crazy. Since this was the Vick Bowl, they thought Delhomme may have been a dog fighter, so they shot him in the leg. More determined than ever, Jake continued his journey.

Somehow, Jake made it to Washington. He gathered himself and walked up to Jim Zorn. But Zorn called Jason Campbell and they both had a chuckle. Zorn said, "Look at that dead man walking," and walked over to Sherman Smith, his new offensive coordinator, who gave Zorn a nice pat on the head. Still, Jake remained determined.

It was a short hike to Pittsburgh for Delhomme, who tried to get into the Oakland locker room. But there was a sign saying, "only former Cleveland Brown retreads or 6-6, 275 pound dudes named JaMarcus can play quarterback for us." Jake sighed and walked away, passing Derek Anderson on the way out.

Just when he thought that all was lost, Jake saw the progress made in Detroit. And that Cincinnati was a contender. He felt like he belonged in these two cities. But then Carson Palmer brought him back down to earth, telling him that both of these cities are always crappy. He showed him Akili Smith Way and told him stories about Charles Rogers Street. Jake Delhomme didn't want to stay long enough to see Jake Delhomme Boulevard, so he just left.

Then Jake remembered....Bill Belichick can revive a career. I mean, come on, Leigh Bodden is a serviceable, borderline solid cornerback now! Sure enough, Jake was right! Bill offered the much-maligned quarterback a job with the team. There were only two stipulations...he had to wear an "I'm With Stupid" shirt with an arrow pointing up and he had to say "Don't do this" every time he threw a ball. After hearing these guidelines, Jake politely declined the job and decided to head home.

No, home wasn't Carolina. Home was, and is, the home of Tony Romo. Jake got back and told Tony (aka honeybuns, his pet name for Tony) the entire story. Tony felt so bad that he decided that the two must take their relationship to the next level. So, they made it "Facebook official."

Tony and Jake decided to team up to try to get Mrs. Romo (aka Jake) back in the NFL. So they went to Cleveland, where Eric Mangini decided to bring him aboard. After a bad first half, Mangini benched Brady Quinn for Jake Delhomme, which prompted Randy Lerner to fire Mangini on the spot! The Browns ended up losing 50-0, but Jake was back in the league. Unfortunately, the Browns hired a new GM and cut Jake Delhomme 3 seconds into his introductory press conference. Jake realized that was the end of the line. He decided to retire.

So Tony and Jake went back home and cuddled while watching two upper 30s year olds battle it out. Jake cried a little bit during the game, but Tony consoled him. It was pretty gross, to be honest.

So Tony decided to touch Jake, Jake Young-style. It truly was the white flag that was needed. And that was it for the career of Jake Delhomme."

TOP TEN WEEK THIRTEEN QUOTES

10-tie) "The Steelers weren't Stellars last week

With Dixon under center.

Hines Ward shouldn't talk, instead he should be

Serving as Big Ben's rape case mentor." - Kevin Hunt.

10-tie) "Both of these teams considered to be cats

When Lions and Bengals play.

Which basically means they can't eat 20 wings

At Hooters on any day." - Kevin Hunt.

9) "I'll be in the stadium this Monday night,

Wearing a bullet-proof vest.

But Ray Lewis used a knife to kill a man right,

So having a body guard might be the best." - Kevin Hunt.

8) "The sight of Mike Vick back in ATL

Could be a bit uneasy.

But it's the thought of Andy Reid eating Southern food

That's making me feel queasy.

And if ever a coach could do that to me

It'd be Reid or Eric Mangini." - Kevin Hunt.

7) "Two great quotes from last week. The first one, you may have heard, it was from Cris Colinsworth – “Ray Lewis is killing these backs right now.” The next one from my roommate: “I don’t think I would want to meet Ray Lewis on a street, he would probably shank me.” I am relatively positive that neither of these people know anything about this league." - Eric Hug.

6) "This spread is only 3.5?? Wow, that's more off than Lay's 'jump shot.'" - Jamie Reamer.

5) "Welcome back, Jake Delhomme. Secondaries were missing you the past couple weeks." - Jason Fazzone.

4) "When it's Bulger or Boller to choose at QB,
that's really no winning platoon.
And along with Jay Cutler we're likely to see
At least 17 picks this afternoon." - Kevin Hunt.

3) "When I heard "Of The Man" would be on the bench,

I just had to change my choice.

Compared to the Ukrainian car that's Matt Moore

Ol' Jake's a brand new Rolls Royce." - Kevin Hunt.

2) "Arrowhead's not a good place to be

When you're heading there in December.

It's like being Barnes at a New York club

And white guy dance moves are all you can remember." - Kevin Hunt.

1) "Despite going over 100 miles an hour, both Adrian Peterson and Bernard Berrian couldn’t get away from the cops. Somewhere, Gus is shaking his head." - Jason Fazzone.

Week Fourteen is on deck.

Until next time, "read it, roll it, hole it."

2009 NFL ATS Pick 'Em: Week Twelve QOTW

By: Luke Florence

It's only six weeks over-due, but nonetheless, here they are. We are starting with week twelve, which was the last week we had a regular season column. It was a week that had Kevin Hunt using a haiku theme for every game, Nick Lay re-hashing his most memorable birthdays, and Jeff Schaffer citing some of his favorite "faces" of the NFL.

Giddy up.

TOP TEN WEEK TWELVE QUOTES

10) “Two for one: Delhomme seems like the obvious choice but I'll go with the Steve Smith face; he's the one who has to endure having a garbageman for a quarterback. And don't forget the Mark Sanchez face: ‘Didn't everyone used to talk about me being good?’” - Jeff Schaffer.

9) “20th birthday. Occurred over Thanksgiving weekend, 2004. After drinking my face off of my head for several consecutive days, Becky put her foot down grounded me. Probably the only time a 20-year old has been grounded, unless we're referring to Jamie Reamer's vertical "leap." I would rather be grounded than watch this game.” - Nick Lay.

8) “'Mouse in the House' - Just found out Big Ben isn't playing, so Dennis Dixon is the Mouse in the House...and Ray Lewis kills mice.” - Jamie Reamer.

7) “Now that he's been benched I would say Kerry Collins face, but he pretty much looks wasted no matter the circumstances.” - Jeff Schaffer.

6) “Westbrook's recent thoughts: I think we should run a draw. I like applesauce.” - Kevin Hunt.

5) “When you think football, You think Josh Freeman's touchdowns, And the Dirty Bird.” - Kevin Hunt.

4) “Both these teams wouldn't get trophies in a CYO league. If these two teams mixed red and blue, they'd get brown. If these teams were at a bar, Jake Young wouldn't touch them.” - Brian Boesch.

3) “18th birthday. Hey, this is sweet! I can buy cigarettes and porno now! Unfortunately, I'm spending the day at my grandma's celebrating Thanksgiving. This birthday is famous because it was my brother-in-law's first holiday with the family. He made the mistake of eating my grandma's tomato pudding (clearly a rookie move) that was probably made from canned tomatoes circa 1974. On our drive home, he vomited all over my sister's truck, and, most notably, the heating vents. She sold the truck months later. The 18th birthday is always the most memorable for Ben Roethlisberger since he can't be charged for statutory rape once the Findlay High School seniors hit this mark.” - Nick Lay.

2) “Battle of gunslingers in this one, except Jay Cutler is the equivalent of a guy with epilepsy wielding an AK-47.” - Jason Fazzone.

1) “Jake Delhomme = Tony Romo of December, except it’s all year long.” - Eric Hug.

Week Thirteen is coming up.

Until next time, "read it, roll it, hole it."

2009 NFL ATS Pick 'Em: Week Seventeen

By: Luke Florence

UPDATE: Congratulations to Nick Lay for winning the 2009 NFL ATS Pick 'Em League. With one game yet to be played, Lay is 148-107, three full games clear of second place. Speaking of #2, that goes to Justin Whelan who is 145-110, and five games clear of third place.

That's where things get interesting.

Yours truly went 7-8 to fall at 140 wins. Jamie Reamer went 8-7 to also end with 140 wins, but so did Kevin Hunt who is 11-4 thus far with just one game remaining. Shane Kline, is also mathematically alive with 139 wins. Here are the scenarios.

Scenario #1: The New York Jets cover the 10.5 points this evening against the Bengals.

- Jamie Reamer takes 3rd place and Hunt and myself will be tied for 4th.

Scenario #2: The Bengals cover.

- The KOA and Kevin will be tied for 3rd place and Reamer and Kline will be tied for 5th.

We will use all the necessary playoff games to decide all ties. Stay tuned.
_________________________________________________________________

This was supposed to be where the final NFL regular season column went up, but since only two people turned in comments, I thought it might be better suited to come up with something different instead. So, after the games are played this evening, we will do a wrap-up column. The Quotes of the Week are still in the process of being completed and will go up all at once.

Here are my final regular season picks. The playoffs start this coming Saturday and from the looks of our standings it may be the first time in our league history that money will be decided on Wild Card weekend.

Stay tuned and best of luck.

STL, NYG, JAX, PIT, NE, ATL, CAR, CIN, PHI, IND, CHI, SD, BAL, KC, GB, TEN

Until next time, "read it, roll it, hole it."

2009 NFL ATS Pick 'Em: Week Sixteen Standings

By: Luke Florence

It never ceases to amaze me how quickly the NFL regular season flies by. It seems like we just got done introducing our league members and dishing out silly Las Vegas odds. Fast-forward four months later and we have only 16 games left. Go figure.

Nick Lay all but clinched first place and could make a run at an all-time record. By going 12-4 last week, Lay opened up a four-game lead on second place. If Lay somehow goes 12-4 again this week, he would tie the all-time ATS record of 150-106 set by yours truly in 2007.

Justin Whelan also went 12-4 and vaulted himself into second place, a game ahead of the KOA and two games ahead of Jamie Reamer. It would appear as if that quartet will likely finish in the top four (order yet to be determined), with the fifth spot being the one up for grabs. Last season Brian Boesch came from outside the money the very last week of the season, and it should be interesting to see if that happens again.

Remember, we will settle ALL TIES (even those outside the top-five) sudden-death style involving the playoff games. More information to come when we get closer to that possibility.

2009 NFL ATS PICK 'EM: WEEK SIXTEEN STANDINGS (week sixteen standings in parentheses)

1) Nick Lay 138-102 (12-4)
2) Justin Whelan 134-106 (12-4)
3) Luke Florence 133-107 (7-9)
4) Jamie Reamer 132-108 (8-8)
5) Kevin Hunt 129-111 (9-7)
5) Shane Kline 129-111 (10-6)
7) Eric Hug 127-113 (4-12)
7) Matt Barnes 127-113 (7-9)
7) Billy Wakefield 127-113 (9-7)
10) Corey Taylor 126-114 (8-8)
11) Luke Polito 123-117 (11-5)
12) Erik Smith 121-119 (6-10)
12) Jeff Schaffer 121-119 (8-8)
12) Chris Woodard 121-119 (10-6)
12) Jake Young 121-119 (11-5)
16) Brian Boesch 120-120 (10-6)
17) Jeff Normand 119-121 (8-8)
18) Anthony Tynan 118-122 (5-11)
19) Ryan Polito 117-123 (8-8)
20) Chris Rapking 114-126 (3-13)
21) Devin Frank 111-129 (9-7)
22) Jason Fazzone 110-130 (6-10)
23) Josh Florence 108-132 (5-11)
24) Bart Borer 99-141 (8-8)

You know, had Bart just picked the opposite team every game he would be three games up on Nick Lay. Just food for thought.

Until next time, "read it, roll it, hole it."

2009 NFL ATS Pick 'Em: Week Sixteen

By: Luke Florence

Here are my week sixteen picks. Enjoy the football.

PICKS: NO, ATL, DEN, MIA, GB, NYG, OAK, JAX, CIN, PIT, ARI, DET, IND, DAL, MIN

Until next time, "read it, roll it, hole it."

2009 NFL ATS Pick 'Em: Week Fifteen Standings

By: Luke Florence

Sorry for the delay. Here they are. For the record, I'm backing the San Diego Chargers this evening.

2009 NFL ATS PICK 'EM: WEEK FIFTEEN STANDINGS (week 15 record in parentheses)

1) Luke Florence 126-98 (7-9)
1) Nick Lay 126-98 (9-7)
3) Jamie Reamer 124-100 (7-9)
4) Eric Hug 123-101 (7-9)
5) Justin Whelan 122-102 (7-9)
6) Matt Barnes 120-104 (7-9)
6) Kevin Hunt 120-104 (11-5)
8) Shane Kline 119-105 (8-8)
9) Billy Wakefield 118-106 (6-10)
9) Corey Taylor 118-106 (9-7)
11) Erik Smith 115-109 (6-10)
12) Anthony Tynan 113-111 (8-8)
12) Jeff Schaffer 113-111 (8-8)
14) Luke Polito 112-112 (6-10)
15) Jeff Normand 111-113 (5-11)
15) Chris Rapking 111-113 (9-7)
15) Chris Woodard 111-113 (9-7)
18) Jake Young 110-114 (8-8)
18) Brian Boesch 110-114 (10-6)
20) Ryan Polito 109-115 (6-10)
21) Jason Fazzone 104-120 (6-10)
22) Josh Florence 103-121 (6-10)
23) Devin Frank 102-122 (7-9)
24) Bart Borer 91-133 (4-12)

Looks like we will be going right to the very end. 10 guys have a realistic shot at some money as we will paying the top five. Please double-check your record for accuracy.

Until next time, "read it, roll it, hole it."