It's only six weeks over-due, but nonetheless, here they are. We are starting with week twelve, which was the last week we had a regular season column. It was a week that had Kevin Hunt using a haiku theme for every game, Nick Lay re-hashing his most memorable birthdays, and Jeff Schaffer citing some of his favorite "faces" of the NFL.
Giddy up.
TOP TEN WEEK TWELVE QUOTES
10) “Two for one: Delhomme seems like the obvious choice but I'll go with the Steve Smith face; he's the one who has to endure having a garbageman for a quarterback. And don't forget the Mark Sanchez face: ‘Didn't everyone used to talk about me being good?’” - Jeff Schaffer.9) “20th birthday. Occurred over Thanksgiving weekend, 2004. After drinking my face off of my head for several consecutive days, Becky put her foot down grounded me. Probably the only time a 20-year old has been grounded, unless we're referring to Jamie Reamer's vertical "leap." I would rather be grounded than watch this game.” - Nick Lay.
8) “'Mouse in the House' - Just found out Big Ben isn't playing, so Dennis Dixon is the Mouse in the House...and Ray Lewis kills mice.” - Jamie Reamer.
7) “Now that he's been benched I would say Kerry Collins face, but he pretty much looks wasted no matter the circumstances.” - Jeff Schaffer.
6) “Westbrook's recent thoughts: I think we should run a draw. I like applesauce.” - Kevin Hunt.
5) “When you think football, You think Josh Freeman's touchdowns, And the Dirty Bird.” - Kevin Hunt.
4) “Both these teams wouldn't get trophies in a CYO league. If these two teams mixed red and blue, they'd get brown. If these teams were at a bar, Jake Young wouldn't touch them.” - Brian Boesch.
3) “18th birthday. Hey, this is sweet! I can buy cigarettes and porno now! Unfortunately, I'm spending the day at my grandma's celebrating Thanksgiving. This birthday is famous because it was my brother-in-law's first holiday with the family. He made the mistake of eating my grandma's tomato pudding (clearly a rookie move) that was probably made from canned tomatoes circa 1974. On our drive home, he vomited all over my sister's truck, and, most notably, the heating vents. She sold the truck months later. The 18th birthday is always the most memorable for Ben Roethlisberger since he can't be charged for statutory rape once the Findlay High School seniors hit this mark.” - Nick Lay.
2) “Battle of gunslingers in this one, except Jay Cutler is the equivalent of a guy with epilepsy wielding an AK-47.” - Jason Fazzone.
1) “Jake Delhomme = Tony Romo of December, except it’s all year long.” - Eric Hug.
Week Thirteen is coming up.
Until next time, "read it, roll it, hole it."
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