2009 NFL ATS Pick 'Em: Week Three - Special Sections

By: Luke Florence

Due to me editing the comments from this point forward, I thought I would give the special sections their own separate posts from here on out. At the end of the weekly column, I will link here so all can enjoy.

Po's Knowledge Dropping - Vol. II - Num. II

Week 2 in review

By: Ryan Polito

"Where we don’t need a dumb slogan to attract readers"

MOST DOMINANT - Flash Forward
New show that debuted last Thursday on ABC. A show that is being called the next LOST intrigued me very much in episode one. I had been looking forward to this show ever since they showed us preview clips last spring during LOST commercials. In true LOST fashion, the new show had plenty of flashes and left hundreds of questions unanswered. I love the potential that this show has already.

Other receiving votes for MOST dominant:

- Jimmy Kimmel show for joke about Lamar Odom's marriage
- King of Arguments for their breakthrough in broadcasting LIVE web-casts of their F'd Up Tourney

LEAST DOMINANT- Jason Fazzone
The writer of that "other special section" in this blog. Now I understand Mr. In the Zone may be way better than me when it comes to grammar and writing style, but as far as journalism ethics go he has nothing on me. Last week I decided to browse through "In the Zone" to see what the competition was writing about, and I was shocked and furious at what I saw: Po's Knowledge Dropping had been ripped off. In the Zone uses the 'good, bad, and ugly,' which is the exact same thing as MOST and LEAST dominant expect that its named something different. We here at Knowledge Dropping Headquarters would like to call out Mr. In the Zone for poor ethics. We look forward to hearing a response in the near future. Thank you.

See you all next week, Go Steelers.
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IN THE ZONE - Vol. I - Num. IV
... WHERE JEFF REED KICKED AT NORTH CAROLINA, NOT FLORIDA STATE

By: Jason Fazzone

I’m pretty damn sure Kris Brown kidnapped Jeff Reed, threw him into some boiler room at Soldier Field and then missed two crucial field goals in the fourth quarter of Sunday’s game because there is no way in hell Reed misses those kicks if he tries them both again.

For years, Reed kicked on the worst football-playing surface known to man on Heinz Field (which has been greatly improved over the past couple years). He made a kick in a virtual mud-pit two years ago on Monday Night Football against Miami. Despite that, he has earned the status of one of the more reliable kickers in the league.

So what the hell happened?

I have no idea.

The snaps were good, the ball placement was there (I couldn’t even yell “Laces out!” at the TV), but Reed just hooked both badly.

From a neutral standpoint, it was just a bad game for Reed. However, his kicking hasn’t been up to his standard this season. He knuckleballed the game-tying field goal against Tennessee through the uprights before crushing the game-winner in overtime. For those keeping track, of Reed’s four attempts this season, he’s looked good on one. During a preseason game in Washington, he missed on a 53-yarder wide. After being given another shot after the Redskins were called offside, he missed the 48-yarder wide.

Reed seems to be on a reverse contract year – his deal expires after the season. While you may expect kickers in their contract years to be booting 60-yarders with their eyes closed, Reed has not looked great.

While it may just be two games into the season, the Jeff Reed situation will be something to watch.

Let’s move to something a little more light-hearted: it’s Bengals Week. For the second straight week, the Steelers will be visiting a team coming off a trip to Lambeau Field. The Bengals stunned the Packers, 31-24, last week and will be riding high coming into this one, especially playing at home.

I wonder if we’ll be seeing the reincarnation of the high-flying Bengals teams of the mid-2000s or the Bungles squad that has shown up in every other season. This is a team that should be 2-0, if not for the miraculous pass from Kyle Orton to Brandon Stokley. Does that scare me?

Kind of.

Cincinnati scored 31 points against the Packers’ defense, which is very similar to Pittsburgh’s. What you can’t overlook, however, is that the Steelers have turned Paul Brown Stadium into Heinz Field West. They have not just beaten the Bengals in Cincinnati; they have crushed them. The Steelers ended the Bengals’ season in Cincinnati two years in a row – in 2006, Pittsburgh won in an AFC Wild Card match-up, and in 2007, the Steelers needed overtime to dash Cincinnati’s playoff hopes.

So what we’ll be seeing this week is as critical of a September game as you can get. The winner of this game is in good position to battle the Ravens for top-dog status in the AFC North, while the loser, while not completely out of the chase, is holding off the Browns in the division cellar.

Both teams are going to give it their best shot – this is a divisional rivalry, after all. It’ll be a tight game, which both teams are accustomed to already this season. But I have to go with the better team here, and that’s Pittsburgh. It won’t be easy, that’s for sure.

Until next week, go Steelers, and welcome back, Michael Vick.
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WEIRD AL TURNS 50

By: Jason Fazzone

I was kicking around the idea of doing a theme for this week’s picks and listening to music, when while scrolling through my playlist, I came across a couple of songs by music legend “Weird Al” Yankovic.

If you don’t know who Weird Al is, he is known for writing parodies of popular songs. The late Kurt Cobain, who had a song parodied by Weird Al, once called Weird Al a musical “genius.” Other artists parodied by Weird Al include Michael Jackson, Madonna, Queen and MC Hammer.

For this week’s picks, and because Weird Al will be turning 50 this year, I’ve used a Weird Al song title to describe each NFL team. So, download some “Amish Paradise” (which did not make the list, by the way) and enjoy:

Kansas City: “Money for Nothing/Beverly Hillbillies” – Yes, it’s still early in the season, but no one fits this song title more than Chiefs quarterback Matt Cassel. He was the Jed Clampett of the NFL last season – he gets his shot after Tom Brady goes down with a season-ending injury and parlays it into a six-year, $63 million contract. To date, Cassel has played one game with the Chiefs (he missed the season opener), in which he threw two picks and lost to … Jamarcus Russell. It’s still early, but so far with Cassel, the Chiefs have given money for nothing.

Philadelphia: “The Saga Begins” – The Michael Vick era in Philadelphia starts Sunday, and what a road back to the NFL it’s been for Vick. We’ll see how long this story lasts.

Washington: “Cavity Search” – This song was written about a patient’s dreadful trip to the dentist. It could have been worse for him – he could have been forced to watch that 9-7 yawner of a Redskins victory.

Detroit: “Close But No Cigar” – The streak is nearing 20, and Lions fans have to be heartbroken after dropping another close (for the first three quarters, anyway) game to the Vikings. I don’t know if Detroit pulls this one out straight-up, but I do think they cover.

Green Bay: “One More Minute” – The Packers were hoping for one more minute last week against Cincinnati. Had there been one more minute the week before against the Bears, Green Bay may have lost. What I do know is that I won’t be spending one second, let alone one minute, watching this game.

St. Louis: “Callin’ In Sick” – Hard to tell who this is referring to: Rams offensive coordinator Pat Shurmur, whose offense has scored seven points in eight quarters, or the poor schmoes who had a hard time justifying paying money to watch that 9-7 game last week. Unfortunately for both parties, I don’t see much changing this week.

San Francisco: “Since You’ve Been Gone” – The 49ers were last relevant in 2002, but Mike Singletary is beginning to bring them back into the NFL limelight. In the time between, the Arizona Cardinals, Tampa Bay Rays and Colorado Rockies all reached their respective league championship games/series. Some things don’t change, though: the Cleveland Browns still suck at football, and Ryan Polito still sucks at life.

Minnesota: “Waffle King” – If you really need an explanation for this, you shouldn’t be A) reading this and/or B) in this league.

Tennessee: “Good Old Days” – The 2008 season must seem like so long ago. Not only have they taken back-to-back tough losses to Pittsburgh and Houston, but the Texans also shredded what is regarded as one of the league’s best defenses last week. However, I think the good old days come back this week, as the Titans catch a drained Jets team coming off a huge win against New England. (Side note: Will Justin Gage put a piece of tape between the 1 and the 2 on his jersey a la Jevon Kearse if the Titans pull it off? Something to watch for here…)

N.Y. Jets: “I’ll Be Mellow When I’m Dead” – Rex Ryan has been anything but mellow since taking over as Jets coach this past offseason. Calling out Bill Belichick and backing it up with a victory last week was pretty cool to see. I don’t see the Jets recovering from that win quickly enough to beat a Titans team that has its season on the line this week.

Atlanta: “Good Enough for Now” – The Falcons are off to a 2-0 start, tying them with the Saints atop the NFC South. While it’s good enough for now, can they survive a six-week stretch in which they see the Patriots, 49ers, Bears, Cowboys and Saints? We’ll see how they start that stretch this week.

New England: “The Brady Bunch” – Fairly obvious song pick here. The doubts are creeping in for Foxboro’s Brady Bunch. The TV series lasted five seasons; is this group coming closer to turning into a bunch of spin-offs as well?

Jacksonville: “Albuquerque” – Jags owner Wayne Weaver says he wants to draft Tim Tebow so the team’s ticket sales would increase. Tebow is better at cutting foreskin than executing a cut block, and better at passing along the word of the Lord than throwing anything resembling a spiral, so my gut tells me this team is destined to move to…well, Albuquerque.

Houston: “Eat It” – I’m eating crow after calling the Texans to lose big to Tennessee last week. A rejuvenated Texans team playing at home against a Jaguars team that got curb-stomped by the Cardinals is too much for me to pass up.

N.Y. Giants: “Smells Like Nirvana” – Everything seems to be going well for the Giants – their young receiving corps, a question coming into the season, is stepping up in the face of injuries and they already have two wins in the NFC East.

Tampa Bay: “Nature Trail to Hell” – On the other hand, Raheem Morris fired his offensive coordinator days before the regular season started, and the Bucs defense has looked pretty bad in the first two games. Talk about a season destined for hell.

Cleveland: “I Can’t Watch This” – Yes, this is a parody of MC Hammer’s “U Can’t Touch This.” Browns fans have been uttering the words, “I can’t watch this,” for who knows how many years. If there was ever a music video for this, Braylon Edwards should be brought in to dance in a pair of parachute pants; seeing the Browns offense, it’ll be the only time he gets to dance all year.

Baltimore: “Weasel-Stomping Day” – I picked this song name because quite frankly, the Ravens will be doing some weasel-stomping Sunday.

Chicago: “When I Was Your Age” – When my mom was my age, the Bears had a good quarterback. They didn’t get another one until now. My mom is now in her 50s.

Seattle: “Everything You Know is Wrong” – Everything I thought I knew about the Seahawks has been dead wrong this season. Part of me just wants to not pick this game, but I must, so I’ll take the home team over the road team after a huge win.

New Orleans: “Like a Surgeon” – Drew Brees has been surgical in dissecting the Lions’ and Eagles’ defenses the past two weeks. Even though he’s staying on the road this week, I expect that trend to continue.

Buffalo: “Headline News” – The Bills haven’t been in the news since losing the Music City Miracle (and losing four straight Super Bowls before that). Signing Terrell Owens and having a player have a d**k spray-painted on his lawn will change that.

Miami: “One of Those Days” – You have the ball for 45 minutes … at home … and lose. Just one of those days for Tony Sparano’s Fins, who are failing to re-capture last season’s magic.

San Diego: “Dare to Be Stupid” – Norv Turner takes the smallest guy on the field and runs him straight into one of the best defenses in the league on fourth-and-short. THAT, my friends, is why Turner is one of the worst coaches in the league. I haven’t shaken my head in disbelief at stupidity like that since Polito broke his hand punching the padding under the basketball hoop after missing a lay-up. But am I following the stupidity trend for picking the Chargers to cover this week? I sure hope not.

Denver: “This Is The Life” – This is the life for Josh McDaniels. He catches all kinds of crap from the media after shipping off Jay Cutler and pissing off Brandon Marshall, then drafting all offensive players when his defense sorely needed help. He’s now 2-0 and heading into Oakland? Must be nice.

Oakland: “You Make Me” – Jamarcus Russell, you make me sick. Your seven completions last week make quarterbacks all over the world embarrassed to share the same job title as you. Al Davis, your drafting makes me want to kick someone in the nuts. But even more so, Al Davis, you make me want to watch “Tales From the Crypt” because you bear a strange resemblance to the Crypt-keeper.

Pittsburgh: “Another One Rides The Bus” – After seeing how terrible the Steelers are in short-yardage situations, it’d be nice to see the Bus back. The title of this song also brings me back to when Polito and I kept drunkenly yelling “RIDE THE BUS!” while kicking Wakefield’s and Chris Diehl’s asses in Mario Tennis on the Nintendo 64 one night sophomore year.

Cincinnati: “That Boy Could Dance” – The Bengals have had their fair share of dancers…first came the Ickey Shuffle, then Chad Johnson’s Riverdance, and even Kelley Washington’s seizure-looking thing he pulled in a preseason game against the Redskins a few years ago. Nothing to dance for here, though.

Indianapolis: “Theme from Rocky XIII” – Please download this song and tell me you can’t imagine Peyton Manning yelling “Chop that meat!” to a washed-up Rocky Balboa.

Arizona: “Ode to a Superhero” – This is my tribute to Kurt Warner, who was nearly flawless last week against Jacksonville. With Indy on short rest and having to travel out west, the Cardinals won’t need to be superheroes to win this one.

Carolina: “Fat” – This song goes out to injured Panthers defensive tackle Maake Kemoeatu, who is one of the fattest guys in the league at 345 pounds. This song also represents the chance of John Fox returning to Carolina next season (and Bill Cowher replacing him, for that matter).

Dallas: “You Don’t Love Me Anymore” – First, Tony Romo lost the love of Jessica Simpson. Is the love from Cowboys fans next out the door? It will be if he turns in another terrible performance at home.
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Until tomorrow's column, "read it, roll it, hole it."