When the King of Arguments was established in 2006, one of the first series of posts listed my forty favorite athletes and sports figures. Then, I was finishing up my sophomore year of college. Then, Brady Quinn who was ranked #21, had just led Notre Dame to a Fiesta Bowl appearance.
When Quinn was drafted by the Browns it took a while to sink in what just happened. My favorite player potentially ever in college was going to resurrect my favorite sports team. Unbelievable.
Apparently, it actually was unbelievable, because it still hasn't happened.
Not even close.
Tomorrow night Quinn gets his second chance to start this season (or his first actual chance, depending on how you want to view it) against the Baltimore Ravens.
Whatever happens, at the very least, Brady Quinn has a place - somewhere - locked up in that top forty for a while.
DETROIT @ MINNESOTA (-16.5)
Let's take this time to hand out some half-way awards for this league. Starting with the Old Guy Who Is Playing Like A Young Guy Award.
NFL - Brett Favre.
ATS - Jeff Normand.
My Pick: DET (+16.5)
Brian: “What's scary is that the Lions are SIGNIFICANTLY better than they were last year. And they still have just one win. It's like golf. I'm better than I was when I was 8 and just starting, but I still suck. No wonder Lions fans hate it.” You know who is an excellent golfer? Matt Millen.
Kevin: “Lions punter Nick Harris. He's only 31, but looks like he's the grandfather of Jeff Feagles. But BLACK Nick Harris even sounds 25 and that head isn't bald, it's shaved. Plus, he'd be hailed as the 2nd coming of Reggie Roby.” Kevin decided to do a theme this week. White Guys Who Want To Be Black. In memory of Sammy Sosa.
Barnes: “’ECON 103: Intro to Microeconomics’ - The Vikings have made one hell of an investment with Brett Favre. As for the Lions and Matthew Stafford, well, at least they weren't scammed by Bernie Madoff.” Instead, they were bent over backwards by Mr. Millen.
DENVER (-3.5) @ WASHINGTON
Team/Guy Who Looked Outstanding For The First Six Weeks, But Recently Has Let Down Everyone Award.
NFL - Denver Broncos. Their first losses have made such an impact, one has to wonder what happened to Chewy?
ATS - Nick Lay. His comments the first seven weeks were superb, but his recent schedule has not allowed him to continue his run for Gus Johnson. Advantage - Brian Boesch.
My Pick: DEN (-3.5)
Kevin: “Coulda gone Kyle Orton here, but how many of us really think he cares about being white?? It's what he pins bad interceptions on. It's what allows him to grow that mountain man of a beard. To put it simply, it's what allows him to be Kyle Orton.
The guy wanting to be black has to be Orton backup Chris Simms. Black Chris Simms would be like Michael Vick without the throwing accuracy and dog fighting convictions.” In other words, Chris Simms would be Vince Young.
Barnes: “’PESS 212: Intro To Coaching’ - Clearly, Jim Zorn didn't take the nationally recognized class taught by the nationally recognizable professor David Carr. Not sure if you know this but he showed Mexican kids grass for the first time. Yeah, he's that amazing.” My personal favorite Carr memory: He was the only down-hill skier on his basketball team.
TAMPA BAY @ MIAMI (-9.5)
Don't Look At Our Record But We Are Sneaky Good Award.
NFL - Miami Dolphins. Even though they are 3-5, they play like a 6-2 team.
ATS - Chris Woodard. Three weeks ago, he was in the top five. Now ... he's wayyyy out.
My Pick: MIA (-9.5)
Hug: “Scary pick here with the way Freeman came alive during last week’s contest. I suppose with Miami playing in many close games, I will take TB, but I never trust rookie quarterbacks or JaMarcus Russell.” So wait ... you ARE trusting a rookie QB ... on the road nonetheless.
Fiz: “I thought the Bucs got rid of the creamsicle jerseys to create a new winning image. Funny how they go back to that look and play the best they’ve played all year. Bring back Bucco Bruce!” They channeled their inner-Vinny Testaverde. I'm not surprised they won.
Kevin: “Any QB combo in Miami in the past decade would want to be black. Since Marino's last season in 1999 (in which he co-starred with Damon Huard, also white), there have been three black QBs. Daunte Culpepper, Cleo Lemon and Sage Rosenfels. OK, obviously I'm kidding, the other was Ray Lucas, who had Gus Johnson's favorite rookie card." Don't forget John Joseph Harrington. He's the blackest QB I know.
Barnes: “'PESS 228 – CPR’ - Josh Freeman may have single-handedly resuscitated the Bucs season with his debut. That or the orange jerseys, which should be burned ASAP.” In case you haven't picked up on it yet, Matt Barnes is going strictly on Ohio University classes. Kudos to him for looking up their call numbers. Who am I kidding though? The Promise has those memorized.
BUFFALO @ TENNESSEE (-6.5)
Team You Don't Want To See On Your Schedule The 2nd Half Of The Season Award.
NFL - Tennessee Titans. Vince Young anyone?
ATS - Andrew Braverman. I see this guy making a run.
My Pick: TEN (-6.5)
Fiz: “No Music City Miracle this time around – unless Trent Edwards and Vince Young can sport quarterback ratings over 50.” Glad to see Jason Fazzone back with a QOTW contender. Don't look now, but Fiz could make a run at Bill Walton.
Brian: “Terrell Owens is like a person in a 30+ year marriage. Cutting his losses. Hoping for something fun and exciting in the after life (or in TO's case, the after career).” Joke's on T.O. then, because he's been in his "after career" since he left Philly.
Jeff: “Tenn uses their Big Johnson to intimidate the Buffalos.” Ladies and gentlemen, Jeff Normand.
Reamer: “The Titans new look with Vince Young is way better than the new look of Sammy Sosa.” I must be living under a rock, because I have no idea what Kevin OR Reamer are talking about with regards to Sosa.
Barnes: “’CHEM 121 - Fundamentals of Chemistry’ - Vince Young is SLOWLY but surely learning the ropes of the NFL and so far, is 2-0 as a starter. Meanwhile, T.O. reminds me of a bad experiment about to blow up, right in the face of the Bills.” Heidelberg College wasn't the best fit for me academically, but I did manage to get an A+ in Chemisty. All credit should go to Eric Koby. Best lab-partner a guy could ask for.
NEW ORLEANS (-13.5) @ ST. LOUIS
Most Valuable Player Award.
NFL - Drew Brees. Sorry Peyton.
ATS - Matt Barnes. Nine weeks. Nine different themes. He even texted me all of his picks one week, just to make sure he got them in.
My Pick: NO (-13.5)
Kevin: “Ballbuster Pick of the Week: Christmas is 6 weeks away and I only have 4 gifts bought. So I'll take the team with the number 4 (or 8 or 12) that I like the most. Neither team has a 4 or 8, so when it got to 12 it was between WR Marques Colston and QB Kyle Boller. I'll spare your time.” Searching for a Norm Duke joke, but I don't have one yet.
Brian: “’The Saints' defense has more touchdowns than the Browns offense’ is the new ‘Jerome Bettis is from Detroit.’ Fan-freaking-tastic.” Don't forget this classic - Cleveland Browns leave town, move to Baltimore, and win the Super Bowl three years later. That's an oldie but goodie.
Smitty: “Drew Brees hasn’t covered for TWO STRAIGHT WEEKS. I don’t know what the hell happened I mean, am I still alive. Is this really happening, is anyone out there? I feel like I should’ve taken the blue pill, I can’t accept this reality. Please, Someone save me...Oh wait, it’s the Rams.” The Rams have been taking the blue pill since Warner left town.
Barnes: “’PSY 120 - Intro to Statistics’ - Just think about the numbers Drew Brees is gonna put up on the Rams defense. It might rival Jimmy Clausen's numbers from any Notre Dame game, except his team will actually win.” Matt Barnes looking for an unprecedented third QOTW winner.
JACKSONVILLE @ NEW YORK JETS (-6.5)
We Are What We Thought They Were Award.
NFL - New York Jets. Most over-rated 4-4 team in the history of the NFL.
ATS - Anthony Tynan. Surprised the hell out of me when he was making comments at the start of the year, and setting ATS records the first couple of weeks. Now, he has stopped with the comments, and even though he is in a tie for 2nd place, is not setting any more records.
My Pick: NYJ (-6.5)
Brian: “Another round of the F'd Up Pick of the Week. I'd probably take the Jets in this one, because Jacksonville is the next-door neighbor of all the terrible teams in the NFL.
Oh, and 9 days before the live podcast, where the F'd Up pick will go down. Should be a blast. Anyways, here goes nothing. Away team rolls first. And instead of Roll #X, we're gonna have the 10 steps Rex Ryan takes for each meal. I'm a bad person.
Drinks and complementary rolls: The weekly "Get Luke really excited" statement. Today the F'd Up Pick is taking place just a few short minutes away from Heinz Field. I'm visiting a friend at Pitt, and hopefully we're gonna scalp some tickets from a drunk person who can't quite make it (thanks ABC for making it an 8:00 game...there's a chance). Unfortunately, Jimmy Clausen declined my request to have him here for it. He was doing his pre-game keg stand and popping his collar. Anyways, roll one favored the New York Football Jets...7-5 NYJ.
Appetizer(s): The Mexican-American icon is on a roll...10-6 in the round. Jets up 17-11 early on.
Salad (with pie on it, like the old Drew Carey Show episode..."what would like on your salad, Drew?" "Pie"): Another big time roll for the fighting (or eating) Rex Ryan's. After a weak 5 by the Jags, a double-3 followed by a 5 has the Jets up big early. 28-16 NYJ.
Main Course #1: HUGE turn of events. A double-6 followed by a 4 gets the Jags back in this thing. Then, the Jets only muster a 4. Now were all knotted up...32-32 after 4.
Pulling up of his belt in self-satisfaction: The J-E-T-S JETS JETS JETS crawl back in the lead before halftime. 6-5 NYJ in the round, 38-37 NYJ at the half. Main course #2: The Jets trying to widen that lead again. 10-7 in the round. New York on top 48-44.
Going outside to eat the leftover pizza in his car: Wow, the Jags aren't playing bad, but the Jets are just rolling out of their minds right now. 11-8 in the round for the Jets, NYJ up 59-52.
Taking food from the rest of his dinnermates' plates ever so cunningly: Both teams with a poor effort here. Guess that's what happens when you steal food. 5 for both in the round. 64-57 NYJ. That may have been the opening for the Jags.
Dessert Cart (no, not looking at it...ordering it): The Jags finally win a round, but only by 1. Jags get a 9, Jets counter with an 8. 72-66 Jets.
Repeat (you thought his eating was only a 10-step thing...heck no): OK, here goes. Jags need a great roll. WOOOOOOOOOWWWWW. ANOTHER DOUBLE-6!!!!!!! The and-one.....only a 1. Could've really made it tough on the Sanchize, but they still are in the lead. Right now it's 79-72 Jags. Here goes nothing for the Jets....ONLY A 5!!!!!! 79-77 JAGS!!!!!!! 27,000 INDIFFERENT FANS ARE HEADING FOR THE EXITS!!!!!!! What a game.” Literally jumped out of my seat on the final roll. Now, I'm counting down the days until we roll this live on a podcast. Giddy up.
Jeff: “Sanchez hands out spicy hot dogs to all the Jags, and then become too ill to play.” Do Mexicans eat hot dogs? Wouldn't he hand out tacos or beans instead?
Barnes: “’AVN 110 - Basic Aeronautics’ - Mark Sanchez is still young and gonna make mistakes. Time to go back to the basics and maybe the wins will come back. If he doesn't Rex Ryan may eat him. He's just got that look about him that he's hungry all the time.” He also has that eight month pregnant look to him all the time as well.
Kevin: “Kevin O'Connell would like nothing more than to be black right now. He wouldn't be playing behind Mark Sanchez, for one, and definitely wouldn't be 4th on the depth chart (wait, what?! 4 QBs?!) behind two other white guys in Kellen Clemens and Erik Ainge. Hey Kev, please put up a webcam when you read this so I can yell out, ‘Kevin O'Connell Face!!’” Yes, these are my friends.
ATLANTA (-1.5) @ CAROLINA
The Jake Delhomme Award.
NFL - Jake Delhomme. Come on, he has earned it this season.
ATS - Jake Young. He's turing in picks late, not sending any comments, and his Packers just lost to the Bucs. That's Jake Delhomme-esque if you ask me.
My Pick: ATL (-1.5)
Kevin: “Jake "Of the Man" is sooooo angry that I didn't decide on White Guy-Black Guy before the Thursday night game or Jay Cutler woulda been toast. Instead Jakey is just another white guy wanting to be any race, any sex or any person other than Jake ‘Of the Man.’” In other words, he's kind of like Steve Smith. Just looking for separation, and doesn't care how he gets it.
Brian: “You should've quit last week when I told you to, Mr. Delhomme. This week won't be any better, and you're at home. Just accept it and move on. Sincerely, Brian.” You know it's bad when the overwhelming majority would agree with me that Delhomme has a better chance of becoming a black-belt in karate than resembling a decent NFL QB.
Barnes: “’BIOS 100 - The Animal Kingdom’ - In the wilderness, pretty sure a Panther would kill a Falcon. But in the NFL kingdom, forget about it. Mike Smith has more fight in him than the Panthers do in the second half of any game.” Loved - absolutely LOVED - Mike Smith getting involved in the sideline fight last week.
CINCINNATI @ PITTSBURGH (-7.5)
We Might Actually Be Good Award.
NFL - Cincinnati Bengals. Who thought they might actually be good? Not this guy.
ATS - Eric Hug. Slow first couple of weeks have turned for the better, and now, Huggy Bear is in the money.
My Pick: CIN (+7.5)
Hug: “It feels weird picking teams from Ohio in professional sports. It usually just doesn’t make sense. It’s like throwing beer bottles after a football game, or getting hit in the eye by a penalty flag or getting more arrests than wins in a season.” Or having your hand-picked GM get fired mid-way through his first season.
Fiz: “Ketchup and mustard? Ocho must like the weiner, Kinda like Romo.” Thank you Kevin Hunt.
Smitty: “I refuse to pick this game. Like refuse. I am throwing darts at a dart board. Whichever teams number is furthest away from 85 is who I am picking. And with an 11 to the Bengals 17 the Steelers are the winner. Still feels dirty.” I'd love for Smitty to continue this, but after Bursa keeps floundering, I doubt he does.
Barnes: “’THAR 113 - Acting Fundamentals’ - If the Bengals are acting like a good team, they're doing one hell of a job. Kind of like how Bart is acting like he's not good at picking against the spread. You sand-baggin son of a bitch.” And the week ten QOTW goes to ...
KANSAS CITY @ OAKLAND (-1.5)
Gus Johnson First-Half Award.
NFL - Gus Johnson. He's got 'running away from the cops speed.'
ATS - Brian Boesch. According to Wikipedia, I'd marry his F'd Up Pick Of The Week if it were socially acceptable.
My Pick: KC (+1.5)
Brian: “As the Gus Johnson leader right now (and I'll tell you what, there have been some great comments by everyone), I feel like I need to step up when I see an injustice. You know what game our buddy Gus has this week? Yep, this one. Really CBS? Really? Terrible, just terrible.” There have been some great comments, but that's the difference between Bill Walton and Gus Johnson. Bill Walton is more about the one-liner, and Gus Johnson is more about consistency.
Smitty: “Gross. I should’ve stayed at the dart board.” There is no question this is my Not Gonna Watch And I Have Sunday Ticket Pick. For Smitty it will be his Not Gonna Watch Because I Stabbed Myself In The Eyes With Darts Pick.
Barnes: “’TCOM 184 - TV/Film Comedy’ - This is gonna be fun. The Chiefs suck. The Raiders suck. Al Davis sitting in his box plotting his next dumb move. JaMarcus Russell doing his best impression of an NFL QB. And the best part, Gus Johnson is calling the game. Can you say must-see TV?” Just waiting for Gus to crank out the, "LAAAAAAARGE," call on a Russell three-yard run.
DALLAS (-2.5) @ GREEN BAY
My Name Is Tony Romo And I Am Homo Award.
NFL - Tony Romo. Who did you expect?
ATS - Kevin Hunt. No, not for being homo, but for creating the 2009 Haiku Invasion.
My Pick: DAL (-2.5)
Brian: “Jake Young kept creepily smiling at me and touching my chest at the bars Tuesday night. If that isn't a waving of the white flag by Packer nation, I don't know what is.” We are all ready for another Matt Barnes-Brian Boesch QOTW showdown. Good Gawwd!! Tha ... That ... That's Brian Boesch's Music!!!
Hug: “Maybe Romo has surpassed his fear of the outdoors, birds and grass. Next up: Playoffs, women and shiny objects.” One at a time Huggy Bear. One at a time.
Kevin: “Gonna say Brandon Chillar would wanna be black. In fact, his race has dumbfounded me for weeks. I really had no clue until right now, using research from stuffindianslike.com (yes, it exists). He's just the 3rd player of East-Indian descent to play in the NFL, after Bobby Singh and Sanjay Beach. So I guess he's still towards the front of Affirmative Action line.” Wow ... that's a line that won't stop growing.
Fiz: “Larry Johnson tweets, Wants to call Romo homo. Sign him up next year!” Does anyone else read these haiku's and still count the syllables on their fingers? Cause I do.
Jeff: “Aaron Rodgers becomes the new spokesman for Trojan after constantly asking for protection.” Jeff Normand looking for his first QOTW winner.
Reamer: “Aaron Rogers is putting up Tim Couch sack numbers, and the only thing we know about Dallas is that they can pressure the QB. And a kid I work with just told me the name of his fantasy football team is the Romosexuals. Fitting.” It can't stop, it won't stop.
Barnes: “’PESS 227 - First Aid’ - The Pack need a band-aid after that loss to the winless Bucs. That or maybe Brett Favre. Too soon Jake?” Burn.
PHILADELPHIA @ SAN DIEGO (-2.5)
Not As Good As I Used To Award.
NFL - LaDainian Tomlinson. Soooo pissed I took L.T. over Drew Brees on my fantasy team.
ATS - Devin Frank. Blame England. Blame Grad School. Blame Charlie Weis.
My Pick: SD (-2.5)
Barnes: “’PHIL 101; Fundamentals of Philosophy’ - Gotta love the philosophy of these two teams. Pass first, pass second, and run third. If that doesn't work, replace run with pass.” In our obligatory It's Always Sunny quote, "I just swallowed an apple seed? Is that bad??"
SEATTLE @ ARIZONA (-9.5)
Katy Perry's Hot 'N Cold Award.
NFL - Kurt Warner. Five INT's one week. Five TD's the next.
ATS - Chris Rapking. He has leveled off a bit, but overall, he's well-deserving.
My Pick: ARI (-9.5)
Hug: “Tip of the Hit & Wag of the Finger. This week’s Wag of the Finger team isn’t playing. Guess who? If you guessed the New York Giants, you would be correct. Their defense pulled an Oakland and let San Diego march down the field and score last week, effectively ruining my chance at another 10 week showing. On the flip side, big Tip of the Hat to Seattle’s Josh Wilson for his interception return for a TD late in the game against Detroit. He could have easily went down or gone out of bounds on the play, but padding his stats was a priority, and for this, I thank him. Speaking of flip side, the Cardinals flip flop more than John Kerry. I cannot seem to keep up with their inconsistency this season. Because of this I will flip my instincts on this one since the primary one has usually been wrong.” Thank you Huggy Bear for bringing this back. Keep 'em coming.
NEW ENGLAND @ INDIANAPOLIS (-3.5)
New Guy Who Walked In To A Great Situation Award.
NFL - Jim Caldwell. Christ, I'd be 8-0 if I had Peyton Manning flinging the ball.
ATS - Luke Polito. Christ, anyone with the name Luke does well in this league.
My Pick: NE (+3.5)
Kevin: “No one on these teams wants to be different than who they are. Obviously it is working for them all pretty well. But just for a second, let's imagine Peyton or Brady as being black. ‘What is things Warren Moon and Randall Cunningham never want to imagine??’” Is it Sarah Palin being President? Is that what Moon and Cunningham never want to imagine?
Brian: “Rivalry game. Two teams playing for nothing more than home field advantage in the playoffs. Oh boy! This is another example of why college football's regular season is significantly more compelling than the NFL's at the top of the heap.” Yeah, but, it will still be a great game to watch. Regardless.
Barnes: “‘HLTH 202 : Healthy Lifestyle Choices’ - I've got one for ya. Watching this game. Another one - marry Gisele Bundchen. That way, win or loss on the football field, you always win when you get home.” Tom Brady has a PHD in Healthy Lifestyle Choices.
BALTIMORE (-10.5) @ CLEVELAND
What In The Hell Are You Thinking Award.
NFL - Eric Mangini. Bench Brady Quinn after 10 quarters? Allow Derek Anderson to keep playing despite being HISTORICALLY awful?
ATS - Bart Borer. Simply for sending me a ball full of change ($20 worth) and not including a single quarter. Although, no one is surprised.
My Pick: CLE (+10.5)
Kevin: “This is my time to promote the live blog for Monday Night's game. Visit the link on the KOA sidebar or go to sports-hunt.blogspot.com. I'll take comments via AIM (khunt2525), twitter (thesportshunt) or by text message.
Derek Anderson wishes he could be black. Ray Lewis might kill him, too. Did you realize the two guys that died in that incident were from Akron?? Ray Lewis has been killing the Cleveland-Akron area ever since.” Expect a healthy dose of KOA comments for that live blog as well. Giddy Up Again.
Hug: “Picking Cleveland in this game also seems like an odd thing to do. It would be like moving a sports franchise from one city, then winning a championship shortly thereafter.” Touche.
Fiz: “It’s a good thing this whole Browns fans boycott thing was announced prior to this game. Otherwise, someone would have seen the empty seats and just figured Ray Lewis murdered everyone.” Never gets old.
Brian: “No, -100.5 is not a typo on my part. That's about as high as I'd be willing to go on this line. And I'll be at the game. Because I use my time wisely.” But wait, Boesch won't be the only ATS member at that game ...
Jeff: “Mangini, open up the offense and let the Brady Quinn Era begin. I am going to Cleveland for the game to root on my Browns no matter how bad … GO BROWNS!” In a weird way, I almost want Jeff and Brian to meet up. I have no idea why.
Smitty: “The Browns hit the proverbial iceberg a long time ago and have been taking on water ever since. This is year is only going to get uglier. At least Brady is back I guess.” He's back, and will be showcasing his talent for whatever team trades for him next year.
Reamer: “So I'm glad Brady's starting, but it has to be against another tough D. Old or not, the Ravens still make young, inexperienced QB's look worse than Sammy Sosa (it's that bad Sammy that I had to use you twice, sorry).” There's that Sosa reference again. What did he do? Get Michael Jackson surgery? Is it F'd Up material?
Barnes: “‘SOC 260 - Criminal Justice’ - What's the biggest crime? Ray Lewis getting no jail time for killing a guy? Dante Stallworth getting 30 days for killing a guy while driving drunk? Eric Mangini having his 1-7 team practice too much? Or the NFL for subjecting us to this awful match-up? You be the judge.” When I think Criminal Justice, I think affirmative action. Yep, I'm probably going to hell.
Hope you enjoyed the column.
Until next time, "read it, roll it, hole it."
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